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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

11 year old has inherited a lot of money

270 replies

Jessica8282 · 19/01/2022 18:25

Hi there,

I can’t quite believe the position we’re in, which I know is incredibly fortunate. I feel bad for even feeling it’s a problem.

However my son has just inherited a large sum, we won’t know exactly how much for a while, but at least £150,000, possibly much more.

Rather than this being amazing news, I’m now worrying a lot about how this will shape the person he becomes.

My background is not an overly prosperous one, in-fact I spent large parts of my 20s and 30s in considerable debt. So I’m finding it hard to process this news and the impact it will have on him.

My questions are, can I postpone telling him until he’s older than 18 (I.e 25) or do I have to tell him once he’s 18? I can’t see how having lots of money can positively impact his growth as a person.

My second question is, do I tell him soon so he has time to process it and let us instil in him what that money will go towards, i.e a house (and it not feel like a huge money splashing celebration when he’s 18). Or do we wait so that he has at least has some time in his life of having to think about how he’s going to make something of his life without having loads of money?

Also, just any general advice on how to handle this situation to ensure he still grows up to be a nice hard working person is greatly received!

I just keep thinking how being a poor student really taught me the value of money, and how he’ll miss that experience. Which is crazy, I should be over the moon for him!

OP posts:
Dontwanttolivewithmylover · 20/01/2022 18:04

@VanCleefArpels
I don't agree. It's not all bad.
I let out my martial home and rent a smaller property in the next county.
I've never had bother with my tenants (there have been 2 in 11 years and I have a great relationship with my landlord. I've been here for almost 12 years and I'm very happy with the arrangement, DDs paid to and by me are never late. Bills cleared straight away.
There are goodies as well as some not so good.

Hawkins001 · 20/01/2022 18:05

@Jessica8282

Hi there,

I can’t quite believe the position we’re in, which I know is incredibly fortunate. I feel bad for even feeling it’s a problem.

However my son has just inherited a large sum, we won’t know exactly how much for a while, but at least £150,000, possibly much more.

Rather than this being amazing news, I’m now worrying a lot about how this will shape the person he becomes.

My background is not an overly prosperous one, in-fact I spent large parts of my 20s and 30s in considerable debt. So I’m finding it hard to process this news and the impact it will have on him.

My questions are, can I postpone telling him until he’s older than 18 (I.e 25) or do I have to tell him once he’s 18? I can’t see how having lots of money can positively impact his growth as a person.

My second question is, do I tell him soon so he has time to process it and let us instil in him what that money will go towards, i.e a house (and it not feel like a huge money splashing celebration when he’s 18). Or do we wait so that he has at least has some time in his life of having to think about how he’s going to make something of his life without having loads of money?

Also, just any general advice on how to handle this situation to ensure he still grows up to be a nice hard working person is greatly received!

I just keep thinking how being a poor student really taught me the value of money, and how he’ll miss that experience. Which is crazy, I should be over the moon for him!

I'd get legal and financial information first, then so as not to taint his perspectives of the value of money, is it better to let him be none the wiser until you have to legally obliged to inform him, otherwise yes he may be wise, but then if it all went south, it would be pickles.
harveythehorse · 20/01/2022 18:06

I think the more he knows about the money, the more inclined he will be to protect his investment. There are various apps which you can use to invest and track investments (Nutmeg are fantastic) which you could explore together and make a project of it until he has full control of the money. Launching it upon him when he turns 18 will only encourage recklessness (and I speak from experience). You need a financial advisor you can trust to guide you both through this. But this is happy news - congratulations!

Harleyband · 20/01/2022 18:19

Prepare, prepare, prepare. Model sound financial decision making. Talk to him now about how to invest and show him how to do it. Don't make it a big deal and have him ready with a plan for when they money comes to him to manage. If you spring it on him at 18 he may well go crazy with it. If you prepare him now with a long range plan, he probably won't.

Daddynotmummy · 20/01/2022 18:20

@Jessica8282

Hi there,

I can’t quite believe the position we’re in, which I know is incredibly fortunate. I feel bad for even feeling it’s a problem.

However my son has just inherited a large sum, we won’t know exactly how much for a while, but at least £150,000, possibly much more.

Rather than this being amazing news, I’m now worrying a lot about how this will shape the person he becomes.

My background is not an overly prosperous one, in-fact I spent large parts of my 20s and 30s in considerable debt. So I’m finding it hard to process this news and the impact it will have on him.

My questions are, can I postpone telling him until he’s older than 18 (I.e 25) or do I have to tell him once he’s 18? I can’t see how having lots of money can positively impact his growth as a person.

My second question is, do I tell him soon so he has time to process it and let us instil in him what that money will go towards, i.e a house (and it not feel like a huge money splashing celebration when he’s 18). Or do we wait so that he has at least has some time in his life of having to think about how he’s going to make something of his life without having loads of money?

Also, just any general advice on how to handle this situation to ensure he still grows up to be a nice hard working person is greatly received!

I just keep thinking how being a poor student really taught me the value of money, and how he’ll miss that experience. Which is crazy, I should be over the moon for him!

Had the same with my DSC not as much money but same scenario. We have told them they have inherited but we have put it in trust until they are 25, in the meantime it earns interest and if they do need anything before then we can withdraw it for they. The age of 25 was suggested by the person who left the money
peboh · 20/01/2022 18:23

First of all, this isn't a situation you as a family are in, nor are you all fortunate. Your son is. It is entirely up to you when you tell between now and 18, however as soon as he is 18, that money is his. You can't make him spend it on anything, and unfortunately if he wants to piss it up a wall, it's his money to do with.
Wait until you know the deal will the will. It's likely to be in a trust until he's 18/21.

peboh · 20/01/2022 18:26

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle

I am slightly staggered that so many posters think it acceptable to lie / withold funds
This. And also those that think it's appropriate to put money aside for what they deem is appropriate to spend it on. The one poster suggesting op buys a house with her sons money is just batshit.
skyeisthelimit · 20/01/2022 18:30

That is a huge sum of money and would buy a small flat here, with enough to cover all expenses, SD etc. or enough to pay a decent deposit and have a mortgage of under £100K. So depending on where you live depends what it will buy you.

My will leaves everything in trust for DD until she turns 21 , but the trustees could release it earlier if required, at their discretion.

You can't tell him anything until you know how much and the exact terms of the will. It could be in trust until he is 25 .

I would mention it when you feel he is old enough to deal with it and make it clear that he doesn't have access to it until he is X age and that he should consider himself very lucky to have such a nest egg . Bring him up to spend wisely in the mean time, not to get into debt etc and then hopefully he won't go mad when he gets the money.

StoatMilk · 20/01/2022 18:31

Could you but a property OP and rent it out as an investment?

godmum56 · 20/01/2022 18:35

@StoatMilk

Could you but a property OP and rent it out as an investment?
could YOU not RTFT?
Realmayowitheggs · 20/01/2022 18:38

@StoatMilk

Could you but a property OP and rent it out as an investment?
No she can’t. It’s. Its not her money. As has been covered already.
bowchicawowwow · 20/01/2022 18:48

I'd get legal advice. We had a similar situation and I was able to have the trust dissolved and money realised due to the t&c's in the will and invest the money in a property. It's doubled the amount of the original investment and outperformed any other form of investment.

DC knows there is money, just not how much. I'll release it to him when he reaches 25

Snorkello · 20/01/2022 18:49

If you set up a trust, the trustees can buy a property and rent it out. Depends where you live, but if you can buy one for day £125k the income from the rent and the capital growth would all be of benefit to him throughout his teenage years, uni, gap year etc. other option is to invest on the stock market using a financial advisor. You can be the trustee and he can have it at 18 or older if the solicitor agrees/advises. £150k now will be nothing once he’s 18. Do not let it just sit there.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 20/01/2022 19:02

We have put fairly substantial amounts into junior ISAs for still quite little Gdcs.
We won’t be able to stop them accessing it once they’re 18 (dh and I might not still be here) but I hope to goodness it will be impressed on them that (apart from a relatively minor amount to blow on a holiday or other fun stuff) the bulk is eventually to go towards a property purchase.

IMO the sooner kids learn that it’s frighteningly easy to spend money, but an awful lot harder to save and accumulate it, the better.

PomPomSugar · 20/01/2022 19:04

I wouldn’t tell him on the basis that I would worry he wouldn’t try his hardest at school as ‘what’s the point I’ve already got money’.
What I would do though is prepare him now to make sound financial decisions. Get him an account and teach him how to save etc.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 20/01/2022 19:04

Stocks and shares ISAs, that is - not cash ISAs. With a bit of luck S & S should have increased the amounts quite a bit by the time they’re 18.

Peppaismyrolemodel · 20/01/2022 19:08

@Purplewithred

Loads of kids inherit and turn out to be thoughtful, sensible, independent people with a good grip on the value of money and a real sense of gratitude for their luck. To be honest £150,000 is lovely but it's basically a nice car, a very decent deposit on a flat, a good holiday/gap year and maybe a fairly decent 18th. When does he get his hands on the cash - is it in trust? till when?

What you tell him now vs later depends on how old he is. But I would certainly make sure he had some fun out of it, not just boring sensible things. What would the person who left it to him want for him?

!! Mumsnet is SUCH a weird place!
ThePlumVan · 20/01/2022 19:09

My nephew was in a similar position.
We attempted to tie it up until he was 21/25 but court refused.
He went to withdraw his £30 EMA one day shortly after turning 18 and there is all was.
It did not end well Sad

Puzzledandpissedoff · 20/01/2022 19:10

I need to speak to the solicitor, but the letter he’s had doesn’t mention a trust, or seem to acknowledge that he’s a child

Sounds to me like some standard letter, but you'll cetainly need a Trust and may find this useful: www.thegazette.co.uk/all-notices/content/103941#:~:text=A%20beneficiary%20of%20an%20estate,and%20gain%20full%20legal%20capacity.

nitsandwormsdodger · 20/01/2022 19:10

It really depends on what type of person he is , I spoke to a teen today who was annoyed he had misplaced his Hermes £9oo belt and had to wear the £250 Armani one

turnaroundtime · 20/01/2022 19:20

@Noisyprat

I would go with not telling him and investing it in his name. When he gets to 18 they will send a letter telling him about the account bla bla bla. I would intercept this letter and not give him the money until about age 25 or when you can see is sensible.

In the meantime have a quick look at some of the threads on here about out of control teens.

I know other posters will now come along and tell you that the above is illegal. It probably is and I guess there's a risk that he will not be happy however you have to weigh this up with him getting the money early and possibly blowing the lot.

So you are suggesting the OP act illegally and unethically.
Omicrone · 20/01/2022 19:24

£150k is a lot of money but it's not 'never have to work a day in your life' money is it? I don't think it would change him as a person too much?

My kids have a large sum each in trust (less than 150 but six figures) and have done since they were very young, its never really occurred to me to say anything to them about it yet. But then I am perhaps being naive in thinking they will do something sensible (ie. House deposit) with it when they do get it!

My SIL has always been looking for ways that she can stop her kids accessing their trust funds at 18, she clearly doesn't trust them!

tkwal · 20/01/2022 19:26

You can make yourself and 1 or 2 others trustees. When the trust is set up you can specify an age at which your trusteeship will end. I believe the maximum is 21 (if there was more than one juvenile beneficiary you could make it to be when the younger/est reaches the age of 21. If he wants to access some cash before that , you and the other trustee(s) can make some available to him, release it in other words, either as a lump sum or on an income basis, say for university fees. The trustees can also invest the cash , say in property. I would strongly recommend speaking with a financial consultant who can offer you the best advice. You should always beware of hidden fees.

LakieLady · 20/01/2022 19:27

My DSS inherited a significant sum when he was 5. It was put in a trust, and used to buy a property, which was rented out. The rental income was invested, too, in a stocks & shares fund (possibly an ISA, I can't remember if they were around in the mid-90s).

By the time he was 21, the value of both had grown significantly, the property was sold and the investments cashed in and he had enough to buy himself a 3-bed house with only a small mortgage.

Ten years on, the rent from his lodger covers his mortgage and some of the bills, he has quite a modest lifestyle, and is working part time.

We joke that he's taken early retirement, but he's in an enviable position compared to most 31 year olds.

Lifethroughlenses · 20/01/2022 19:27

The will or intestacy rules will specify the age at which he inherits. If it’s 18 they could hold it till 18 or give it to you to hold. He can’t give good receipt for it till 18 and even if he is entitled to it then, you could put it in an account he won’t be able to access easily. I’d be tempted to hold off telling him for as long as possible. 18 is still too young for most people but you can use your judgment. For example if he doesn’t go to uni but starts a business, you could release some if it then.

I’ve seen money ruin people - a mate of mine did bigger all through uni because he knew he was coming into money at 21. Ultimately I think it was his downfall. This isn’t loads of money but it’s enough to be reckless with and that be a massive shame.

You also need financial advice on investing it.

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