Hello all,
I am THE MOST INDECISIVE PERSON in the world and am firmly stuck in the mud of analysis paralysis.
Here is my dilemma. I am trying to decide what is best for my daughter and me in terms of moving from where we are.
We live in a city in a house that seems to get smaller by the day! It is a lovely house and I am very fond of it but it just doesn't suit our needs anymore. I cannot afford to upgrade where we live. My uncle has moved abroad and has a lovely 4 bedroom house with a garden with lovely neighbours in the town I am from. He has offered it to me at very little cost rent wise which was one of the catalysts for my considering moving.
The pandemic has had a big impact on me as it has on a lot of people.
I have been restless and stressed in my job, so I applied for a career break. I am happy with the decision regardless of whether we move or not. My company has branches in my home town and I can work on a temporary basis or as a stand in and if I stay, my manager has told me that there would be plenty of temping here in the city. Money will be tighter if I stay in the city on temps wages instead of my full time wages. If we moved to the country, I was planning on letting my house here for a bit of extra income. Being a first time landlord, this could bring its own set of problems though!
One of my biggest draws to home is my mother who is living alone. We have a tense, strained relationship. Her behaviour can really, really irritate me and I become like a bratty teenager around her but I adore her. She has no close relatives, only a few very good neighbours. She is capable and self sufficient but I can see her getting older and becoming slower and I feel like I want to be there for her. I haven't told my mother about my thinking of moving as it would raise her hopes and break her heart if we decided to stay put.
With my daughters education, I was upset when my applications to my first choice and second choice secondary schools were unsuccessful due to oversubscription. She has just finished primary.
She got a place in another school that I was coming around to. I also applied to schools in my home town where we got place in the school that was my first choice.
With all of the above in mind, I had made my mind up and decided to move to the country. I had told some friends and family. But, the VERY NEXT day, I received a letter to say that my daughter had an offer of a place in my first choice of secondary school due to a cancellation from another pupil!!! This is a very good school and I can imagine my daughter being happy there. So, things have been completely thrown up in the air again.
And now to the most important person - my daughter. She is a wonderful, introverted child. She has a couple of very close friends here and is involved in team sports where she has a wonderful coach and team mates. She is happy here and does not want to leave. She can prefer her own company at times and take herself off by herself away from a group. As an introvert myself, I completely understand this and am not worried about it except if we did move and she was starting in a new school. I have spent some weekends in my home town and made an effort to contact people whose children have reached out to my daughter. Slowly but surely, she responded and accepted their invitations to play out. This has boosted her confidence but it is still delicate.
So, really I am so very torn. I feel like I am essentially torn between my daughter's needs and my mother's. If we stayed here, my daughter would have a great school with a great reputation for holistic development. In my home town, the school is also good but in a different way and the teachers are really caring from what I can gather. The country would offer more safety and I feel my daughter could have more independence because of this. Our area in the city has had a fair bit of anti social behaviour and I worry about my daughter going out. On the flip side of this, there is not much for teenagers to do in my home town and much more on offer in the city. And the space that the house in the country could give us! My daughter could have a separate study and comfort having friends over and we could have guests to stay. My daughter will not be making the decision for me but I really feel that the move will have a huge impact on her. It could be wonderful or a disaster for her.
But my mother. I could really regret not moving to be near her.
I am also aware that I only have my daughter for another few years and I have to think of whether on not I will be happy in my home town or not after she maybe leaves. I left for the city as soon as I could and I fell in love with the city and its vivacity. I have a love/hate relationship with it now. The vibrancy and life along with the diversity of people with different experiences and outlooks energise me. I have a few close acquaintances that I can have coffee with. But I am increasingly frustrated at the lack of manners, the rat race, the anti social behaviour and I have been afraid at times and I feel I would just like a change. If I could afford to move to a nicer area here in a bigger house, that would make a huge difference but doesn't solve the issue of being closer to my mother.
Sorry for the long post. I am very lost. Any kind perspectives and thoughts would be welcome!
Thanks for reading x