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Preteens

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Original poster

To let DDD12 go shopping alone

37 replies

The2Ateam · 13/12/2019 21:04

My DD has just turned 12.

We’ve just moved to a new area, she trying to make friends.

A girl in her class has asked her to go to the local shopping centre - just the two of them.

I immediately said no, she’s too young. She’s devastated.

What does everyone else think?

OP posts:
NabooThatsWho · 13/12/2019 21:39

I’m glad you are letting her go. This is how they learn to be independent. In 6 years she will be an adult technically so the sooner she learns to navigate the world on her own, the better.
I’m not sure what you think might happen?

BlingLoving · 13/12/2019 21:41

I don't want to kick you OP. Ut I am quite shocked this is something you considered not allowing. At 12 they are at high school and getting to and from alone. At 12 they are not grown ups but for I think you are doing her a disservice if she isn't allowed some independence and freedom. How is she supposed to learn if she's not allowed out? And a day time trip to a shopping mall feels like a relatively safe opportunity for her to explore independence.

Tableclothing · 13/12/2019 21:43

When I was 12 I was allowed to get the bus into the nearest city and go shopping completely on my own. Didn't have a mobile phone. My mother was one of the stricter ones of people I knew. Our ideas of what children can/should do independently have definitely changed.

youwereagoodcakeclyde · 13/12/2019 21:46

Hope she has a good time and that this outing encourages friendship and responsible independence.
I’m trying to encourage this type of activity in an 11 year old!

Toomanycats99 · 13/12/2019 21:51

My dd gets the bus to our local biggish town after school or at weekends with her friends. She was their today and someone got stabbed at 5.30pm which is not a usual occurance! I just have to hope / assume stuff like that is targeted attacks and she will be fine.,

winterelf · 13/12/2019 21:59

Outer London suburbs here.

DD was going into the local shopping centre from year 6. From year 7 she was getting the bus there to school every day....

nancy75 · 13/12/2019 21:59

Op, to make you feel a bit better - shopping centres are covered in cctv, pretty much every inch is on a screen in a security room. At this time of year they will have full staff of security, some in plain clothes, a lot of shops also have security.
Honestly, take a book, find a place to get coffee/lunch, finish your xmas shopping, you’ll be fine!

Original poster
The2Ateam · 13/12/2019 22:25

Thanks all, appreciate the sensible advice xx

OP posts:
BlouseAndSkirt · 13/12/2019 22:31

OP, do not loiter!

But I am glad you have decided to let her go.

Look, you know London kids go to school and back on the bus and tube from Yr 11.

She is going to a shopping centre, in daylight!

Start getting to know more about her abilities. When you go into town in the bus, train or tube let her plan the journey, you just follow her lead.

You will be surprised!

Catapillarsruletheworld · 14/12/2019 20:39

I let my 11 year old go late night shopping with her friend last week. 12 is plants old enough.

Catapillarsruletheworld · 14/12/2019 20:40

Plenty

reluctantbrit · 18/12/2019 17:48

We live in outer London and DD (12) goes shopping with friends now for 18 months or so.

In the beginning I dropped them off and shopped myself/drank too much coffee but now I just point her to the bus stop and tell her that her phone has to be on and I expect replys to messages. We do "find my phone" with hers as well. We normally arrange a time when she has to be back.

Her best friend is not allowed to go on her own unless the parents are in the mall as well, she is very annoyed about this and she is already 13.

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