12 year old dd spending too much time on laptop

[twosoups1972]

Dd is 12 and recently bought herself a reconditioned laptop with money she had saved up over the years. It's her pride and joy and she is very fussy about it, looks after it well etc.

However she seems to think that because she bought it with her own money, we can't put any rules in place. At weekends, she's spending a lot of time on it, mainly watching stuff on Youtube or Netflix.

She has a phone which I limit the time on - 1.5 hours each school day and a bit longer at weekends, although I am flexible with this and will sometimes add more time occasionally if needed.

She has ASD so I need to tread carefully. She hates rules/being nagged etc but the amount of time on her laptop does annoy me.

I've suggested to her that we compromise and agree some ground rules, and in return I won't nag! But I don't think she likes this idea (she also has a PDA profile).

Can't decide whether to let this go or put some rules in place....

@twosoups1972 Get to sleep or not at a certain hour is just part of the routine, IMO you need to change this routine, probably she is not a night owl in itself, as an innate thing but instead it's a consequence of what she does during the day and the time she is used to get to sleep, these are choices and can be changed. One of the bad effect of too much screen time is just the inability to get to sleep due over-excitement. It's both a physical thing (light from the screens is not continuous but has fast rate, so our brain acts like at the same fast rate) and a mental thing (all the apps, socials, games...are based on doing always more and more, sharing, be online more and more, be the first one, the best, the most beautiful one.... that creates constant anxiety and stress, the opposite of relax).

A 12yo needs at least 10 hours of sleep, if she wakes up at 7am she should be in the bed sleeping from 9pm. I'm very strict about bedtime, I know from personal experience and from others people (including my daughters) sleeping is one of the most important thing for the growth, not only for the body and the mind, but also because it affects everything in the everyday life, mood, school, productivity, attitudes, behaviour, thoughts...

For her wellbeing you need to take the situation in hand, lay down clear rules and stick with them. I would set 2 hours limit of screen time on schooldays to spend in total on phone and notebook, and something like 3hours on weekend.
Definitively no screen time at least one hour before bedtime.
Set a bedtime according to the time she wakes up and stick with it (we use this useful chart i.pinimg.com/originals/6e/39/be/6e39be3d1587008eff33bf923d35ec03.jpg ). For my DDs if they are not in the bed light off at the right time they need to go bed half hour earlier the next night. Exceptions are allowed for busy days or occasional events but that needs to be asked hours in advance, not at bedtime. Generally parents think having a fixed bedtime is more appropriate for kids, but studies and facts say it's even much more needed in the teen years. Teens are more busy and stressed than kids so enough sleep is essential, at the same time they are more challenged to stay up late (due duties and technology) so parents really need to still supervise and eventually take it in control if the teen cannot do it him/herself.

Wisely you are here asking for advises for a reason, this is a so important change that cannot be skipped but at the same time I wouldn't make a big issue about it. Have a talk with her, set clearly your rules and consequences, and with something like one or two months she will get used to this new healthy routine. Probably she will see all the good effects and if you will be consistent enough to keep it, she will benefit from it for all the next teen years.

I find all tech it’s about needing breaks . If my dc is out dancing all morning I might be much happier than on laptop all day . I restrict more in the week than weekend however my Ds does his homework on laptop so it’s not simplistic . I would definitely limit YouTube though.