Year 6 DS putting on a lot of weight - advice please

[FullOfDoom]

DS has just turned 11, he's always had a good appetite and been tall and sturdy. Since being in year 6, walking to school on his own and being out playing with his friends more he has started to put on a lot of weight. No idea what he weighs but he's started to outgrow his plus sized trousers.

I've always tried not to make an issue of it but to quietly feed him healthy food, perhaps I've tried too hard and this has back fired as when he is faced with sweets or biscuits he goes wild.

I've discussed healthy eating with him, tried to set a good example, secretly counted his daily calories (for 6 weeks) - so I'm pretty confident it's not the food I'm giving him, he does a fair bit of exercise, 3 - 4 sessions a week (running, badminton). He's getting teased and named called at school; there have been a few bouts of tears at bedtime. I am worried about this continuing as he goes to secondary school.

My feeling is that the issues are:

Lunch times at school - they don't have a dedicated lunch supervisor anymore (1 person covers 3 classrooms), so I send him with a low calorie packet of crisps and he swaps it for chocolate biscuits. It has come to light that he also eats anyone else's lunch that they don't want.

When out with friends they go to the shop and buy sweets etc, which DS then eats as much as he can of. I find the wrappers in his coat pocket.

I don't give him money for the shops but I have caught him once or twice coming out of the sweet shop on his way home (he walks with friends but I walk home a little later from nearby) if he's picked up a 20p or a grandparent slipped him a pound coin.

I am wondering whether I should have a more frank chat with him, enlist him in a more determined effort to eat healthily and be sensible with crisps and sweets.

What would you do/how would you phrase it the discussion?

I can't imagine feeling I could not talk to my kids if they got overweight. Beer belly sounds like a lot overweight/obese.

To me that sounds like a fair amount of sports.

It sounds like he needs to start looking and learning about calorie input output. Could you get him a cheap step counting watch (my kids the same age love theirs and they motivate). And then get him to weigh stuff like breakfast cereal so he knows what a portion looks like.

It sounds like he needs some real education on the subject. Help him make better choices with out sugar coating the information.

I agree he is eating too much. He's eating more than 1800 calories, because his mates have money when they go out and he eats other children's things. They give him what they don't want.

The thing with talking to him about it is that making an "issue" out of it makes the situation worse. I want to be relaxed about food. I have the Ellen Satter book and we did that for a while but I lost my nerve and DH was very uncomfortable about it. I'm going to give that some more thought as I loved the principle of the book.

I am so sorry to hear you are struggling with this, I understand how hard it is. I would encourage you to re-read Satter’s book again, because it doesn’t work if you apply only parts of it. Please don’t take it the wrong way, but I suspect your son knows you think he is fat although I am sure you reframe it as wanting him to be healthy, or sending him with low-calorie food at school or rewarding him with cake when he practices sports. I would encourage you to look beyond the numbers, 1800 cal will be a lot for some, not enough for others.
You have to allow him “junk” food in moderation, otherwise he will overeat and hide it whenever he gets the chance. He is old enough to be in charge of packing his own lunch under your supervision. My oldest has been doing this since he was 11.
I’ve seen kids regardless of size who act famished whenever they get access to “forbidden” food because of restrictions.
Satter recommends starting with family meals, not sure if you already do this?
Again, please don’t take anything I said as criticism, I know how hard it is. Personally, I have life-long issues with food and my main concern is not to pass them on to my kids, rather then getting them to be skinny or fat. It’s hard.

We have the same issue here. Also year 6. I also don't think it's the exercise but food. DS has habit of eating too many sweets - which we are trying hard to sort. We're trying to talk to him more about it so he starts to make healthier choices. At the same tme, we've cut down on puddings at home. Also trying to get him to eat a healthier breakfast - not breakfast cereal. He has a really sweet tooth which makes this really hard.

Sounds very similar to my DD. I reckon she eats roughly 1200 calories a day but today she was out with friends and has been to mcdonalds and we will be having pancakes in a minute. I feel so bad as maybe I should have stopped her going out today but she wants to be with her friends. Unfortunately for her all her friends are like waifs and she looks massive next to them, but put her next to her cousins and she is in proportion as they are all of a similar shape. Thing is she isnt bothered she is happy in her own skin and quite happy in her skimpy tops - I hate saying it but she looks awful in them but she thinks she looks ok which is good but until she thinks she looks too big I think it is going to be very hard to get her to lose any weight!!!