11 yo DD "play" dates

[FullOfChoc]

11 yo DD has just started secondary school. She's had a few friends over but all they seem to do is stare at screens (phone/TV).

My attempts to play board games with them have been met with rolled eyes and desperate pleas for me "to stop being so embarrasing or I'll die".

I've had some success with getting them to make the tea (something simple) or a cake, but we can't do that every time.

Any ideas for activities when friends come to visit please?

So this is normal? Your 11/12 yos are like this?
*
At 11 I was still playing Sindys / make believe*

Wow - if you were still playing with dolls at secondary I'd say you were the odd one. I was reading Jackie and drooling over Simon le Bon

Your dd is doing what every normal year 7 does. She is happy. Her friends are happy. You are mortifyingly embarrassing.

I didn't play with dolls past the age of 8ish and don't know any one else who did either.

Very very normal for girls at secondary to be doing what your dd is.

Looking At magazines etc is better than being on separate screens though and op makes a valid point about they may as well have been at own homes if not interacting but other than limiting screen time I'd leave them to it

I was at boarding school at 11 - the Steven King phase started around Christmas (reading the books not watching films) - one of our main hobbies was terrifying each other with stories of things spied on the empty corridor above us, or people looking in through the window where there wasn't a balcony... We also started with the ouija boards in what was then the second year...

Aside from that yes taping things off the radio featured high...

We did hang about outdoors but mainly for privacy, it was mainly sitting or walking about chatting - certainly no Cindy dolls by secondary age - also early 80s.

Please don't suggest activities to secondary school kids unless a) they ask you directly to suggest some or b) you want to be a source of mockery for your DD to endure. Please just don't.

'Looking At magazines etc is better than being on separate screens though '

It's just the same isn't it? My parents and my friend's parents always used to moan about us reading rubbish or watching rubbish TV or just doing nothing. Looking back, I think it's actually a really useful stage of development- friendship totally independent of adults.

I don't think things have changed that much...

Instead of the coffee shop, we'd have probably gone to the corner shop for a quarter of chewing nuts and a quarter of millions, bought smash hits and bliss magazines and both sat in the room reading the magazines, occassionally passing comment on how we were going to marry Ronan Keating.

If my mum had suggested a board game I think I would have been mortified. Certainly dolls were put away by the end of primary - probably year four or five.

If they are bored:

Sorting out things to sell on eBay. Photographing it and writing descriptions.

Organising wardrobe into coordinated outfits. Take pictures of different 'looks'.

Planning new layout for bedroom furniture, moving it and all the stuff. (One of my friend's favourite activities, although her mother was cros when the carpet was rucked up.)

Organising jewellery. Making jewellery.

Glass / pottery painting.

Juice / smoothly making.

They're not bored though

You provide snacks and drinks and otherwise stay out of it. Even with my 9yo, I don't force activities on her and her friends. I help if asked but otherwise let them do whatever it is they're doing.

I wouldn't have allowed all the different screens at the same time, I would have told them to choose which one they wanted to use, and would have set a reasonable time limit. After that it would have been up to them to find something else to do.

Dame, if not bored, as long as they weren't being destructive, I would just enjoy letting them get on with it!

I've experienced them getting bored at this age though!

I still played with Sindy dolls at 11 but mainly because my best friend was a year younger, and still in primary school. When friends from school came round we would watch music videos on VHS or read magazines.

Mine watch stuff on Netflix etc. But they did make a den with clothes airers, blankets and cushions to watch it in!

I wouldn't dream of interfering unless it was daft or dangerous.

What they did today doesn't sound too bad to me.

My dd is 13 yrs: she and her friends make mini music videos, play on the Wii (just dance), sit and chat/paint nails/plait hair elaborately, last time they made a murder-mystery video and potted up hyacinth bulbs for Christmas, and they also do foodie/art projects. Art activities have included, among other things, lying on the lawn and painting pictures (in oils) of their feet and complex origami lamp shades and, weirdly, (but they suggested and enjoyed it) flower arranging. They also make endless friendship bracelets. And they are still in to making elaborate tent/den-like structures with duvets and blankets etc, even at their age and squishing in to it!!

I often have cakes\cupcakes that just happen to need decorating when they are around and they have made three course meals entirely on their own (with much shrieking involved) last time it was: cheese balls nibbles, pasta bake followed by daschund shaped biscuits!! They've also made fresh pasta and pizzas from scratch.

They also like doing activities with animals: dog training, rabbit brushing, rabbit enclosure cleaning (never asked them to do the latter I hasten to add, they volunteered.)

Although you don't want to be actively involved at this age, I agree it's helpful to "just happen to have the wherewithal to do certain activities lying around" sometimes. I've found they particularly like activities that are seemingly adult where they have to "step in" ie "I am just preparing these cakes for so and so, but I am running out of time and have to call Great Aunt X, can you take over pls?" Or, I am painting this wall but have to break off now, can you finish it? Gets them away from the screens for 30 mins or so anyway!

Your description of the day sounds lovely. What's not to like. They are choosing to spend time together. Thus is all that's important. Your dd has a friend and she is happy. End of.

Ds plays football, watches films and the boys spend tonnes of time online chatting. ''Tis fine.

If they are happy and the friends are nice I would leave them.

What about sporty stuff or baking?

My just turned 12 year old DD and her friends often do each others and her brothers make up and hair.

They 'hang out' try to catch the attention of favoured boys at the local skate park. Without a skate board or scooter though, just watching/chatting.

They love love love musically (not sure if the spelling). It's a music video making app.

They go swimming. Shopping. To Starbucks. To the park. To each others houses.

Then they spend lots and lots of time sat in her bedroom all looking at their phones individually. Sometimes they are looking at the same thing online and are also talking about it. Sometimes they aren't.

Provide the snacks and drinks and leave them to it.
Be grateful of some time for yourself!

My 8yo is like this - he hasn't played with toys in at least a year. Occasionally (vvvvvvvv occasionally) builds some lego. Otherwise it's screens/imaginative games/reading/drawing/board games.

I also played with dolls and duplo until I was about 12 but I think I was the unusual one, even then.

Ds goes out and kicks a ball around with friends, when they get home they got to his room and switch between Xbox, tablets and phones with occasional bouts of wrestling.

I think it's ok to offer to drop them at the cinema, leisure centre for swim/badminton etc or shopping, but if they are at home leave them too it unless they ask for something to do.

I've not read through the whole thread. So apologies if this has all been said. I give them an hour or so of screen time, then say they have to do something else, but don't give suggestions unless I hear "We're bored".
I don't mind them spending hours doing more interactive/Creative stuff on iPads, even of it's making pop videos ( one app is Musically, not sure of that's how you spell it). I Just hate it when they are like screen zombies.
They also do hair/ make up, and sometimes " epic fail make up ".
At times I wonder of the next generation will learn any social skills, and at others I think how nice not to be as bored as I was at their age. But I have noticed screens impact on my DDS mood. She recently had a minor head injury that meant she was not allowed screens for 48 hours, and ( despite a sprained neck) she was delightful, helpful and interactive.

Yes op, most 11/12 year olds are like this now. Sounds like tgey are entertaining themselves. How about putting on a film, or getting the Wii out or karaoke and pizza or something.

I agree with everyone else (the word everyone there, should tell you something).
Just leave them alone. You do sound like you are setting out to embarrass her.

I was 11 in the 70s, and certainly wasn't playing with dolls nor make believe at secondary school. I think you must have been one on your own there.

Honestly, you really do need to back if & let her & her friends just relax & enjoy doing what they are doing. You are being way OTT managing her activities, your poor DD will end up a laughing stock. Its a difficult enough age, please don't make it worse for her