HE SAID WHAT????

[ktfs]

Whilst checking my 11yo DD phone yesterday I discovered through conversations that a boy in her yr had said he was 'going to rape her' because he liked her and she told him she wasn't interested in him!!!!
Now as much as I realize this CHILD probably doesn't understand the seriousness of what he has said, this is NOT an acceptable comment to make jokingly or not!
She wasn't massively bothered by it, more than likely because she doesn't understand the severity either but still , I was horrified!
I rang the school and spoke to her head of year who has now spoken to both parties involved and assures me it is all 'in hand' and being dealt with. She tried to explain it away by saying he is one of the 'slower learners'.... this doesn't excuse it as far as im concerned.
Am I making too much of this?

I'm thinking he is equating rape with sex?

Not acceptable though of course.

It's worrying why he would think rape was about sex really.

I think I would just watch out for messages and tell DD to let teacher know if he says anything like this/does anything that makes her feel uncomfortable.

I also think someone should tell the boy that this is what rape means so he won't use that term again without knowing the implications.

I'm thinking he is equating rape with sex?

Not acceptable though of course.

It's worrying why he would think rape was about sex really.

I think I would just watch out for messages and tell DD to let teacher know if he says anything like this/does anything that makes her feel uncomfortable.

I also think someone should tell the boy that this is what rape means so he won't use that term again without knowing the implications.

I'm thinking he is equating rape with sex?

Not acceptable though of course.

It's worrying why he would think rape was about sex really.

I think I would just watch out for messages and tell DD to let teacher know if he says anything like this/does anything that makes her feel uncomfortable.

I also think someone should tell the boy that this is what rape means so he won't use that term again without knowing the implications.

I'm thinking he is equating rape with sex?

Not acceptable though of course.

It's worrying why he would think rape was about sex really.

I think I would just watch out for messages and tell DD to let teacher know if he says anything like this/does anything that makes her feel uncomfortable.

I also think someone should tell the boy that this is what rape means so he won't use that term again without knowing the implications.

I'm thinking he is equating rape with sex?

Not acceptable though of course.

It's worrying why he would think rape was about sex really.

I think I would just watch out for messages and tell DD to let teacher know if he says anything like this/does anything that makes her feel uncomfortable.

I also think someone should tell the boy that this is what rape means so he won't use that term again without knowing the implications.

I'm thinking he is equating rape with sex?

Not acceptable though of course.

It's worrying why he would think rape was about sex really.

I think I would just watch out for messages and tell DD to let teacher know if he says anything like this/does anything makes her feel uncomfortable.

I also think someone should tell the boy that this is what rape means so he won't use that term again without knowing the implications.

I'm thinking he is equating rape with sex?

Not acceptable though of course.

It's worrying why he would think rape was about sex really.

I think I would just watch out for messages and tell DD to let teacher know if he says anything like this/does anything makes her feel uncomfortable.

I also think someone should tell the boy that this is what rape means so he won't use that term again without knowing the implications.

I'm thinking he is equating rape with sex?

Not acceptable though of course.

It's worrying why he would think rape was about sex really.

I think I would just watch out for messages and tell DD to let teacher know if he says anything like this/does anything makes her feel uncomfortable.

I also think someone should tell the boy that this is what rape means so he won't use that term again without knowing the implications.

Sorry about multiple posts - it told me it hadn't posted.

11% of women were sexually assaulted during childhood. A lot of these offences will have been committed by adults, but a substantial proportion are committed by other (generally) male children. Yes, the police liaison officer for the school should be involved, and they should be putting the fear of god (insert atheist metaphor of your choice) into the boy concerned so he knows just how serious making this sort of threat is.

We as a society need to have a zero-tolerance approach to sexual violence and threats of sexual violence.

sarcasmmode I've had that on other threads this morning too, thought it was just my phone! I'll pop something in site stuff I think.

OP you've done the right thing and I would follow it up and ask if his parents know. It's shocking, scary and needs a zero tolerance approach definitely. Hope your DD is doing ok.

Tis fixed now.

boy in her yr had said he was 'going to rape her' because he liked her and she told him she wasn't interested in him!!!!

If he's equating rape with sex - well, he's saying he'd do it because he likes her, but it's not reciprocated. Sounds like he understands what rape is to me. And even if he thinks it's like beating someone up - that's not okay, either.

Someone needs to explain consent to him. Unless they both want it, it shouldn't happen. He needs to learn that if someone says no, no means no, whether he wants a different answer or not.

I'm assuming that they are too young for it to be more than words, but even if he tried to kiss her against her will, that's not okay, either. Nor would be hitting her.

I'm not quite sure where being a slower learner comes into it. But I guess you have to leave it with the school for a few days to see what action they take. As an individual, he can be dealt with. I would be more concerned about it being a normal thing to be said around school. If it were my school, I would want something done to try and change that, too, to try and get some understandin of why it's not acceptable.

Oh I never came back to this.

Boys at my school said they'd rape girls LOADS! Just the normal boys!

They say they'll rape you, maybe "in the face" or something, then all their friends snicker and the teacher sighs and gives them an eyebrow-raise to be quiet. Avoids eye contact with you. That's how I remember high school.

(I should have said I don't think it's right obviously.)

What EBearHug said!

He said he likes your DD. Your DD wasn't interested so he said he'd rape her. He understands what rape is. I'd be reporting it to the safeguarding lead at school and to the police OP.

If boys always say this to girls and it's acceptable then there is truly something wrong with the world we live in.
You acted appropriately.

Horrifically I think this is exactly what is going on in our schools. I know a girl who was followed home by a group of boys saying this and the HOY dismissed it as banter. Vile.

Boys are always saying they'll rape girls
No they're really, really not.
I fucking really hate this mn mentality where teenage boys are all potential rapists and teenage girls are all innocent little snowflakes
Are parents really so deluded about their precious daughters' behaviour?

WTF?? What little boys are always talking about raping girls?????? SCARY

PunkrockerGirl when was last time you heard of girl raping a boy?????? Young boys see girls as objects nowdays to be used not all girls are innocent little snowflakes but many rape victims are hun

Meeep it happened in my school too! Obviously they didn't understand what they were saying, but yes it did! And it was a 'good' school

The word definately gets used in the primary playground. 10yr old DS was being a pest at bedtime the other week and after a couple of "you're an IDIOT!" insults were aimed at me he then proceeded to tell me "you're a rapist!".

We had a very stern talk and I explained what a rapist was (what happened to cosy bedtimes ) and he was horrified and apologised. He didn't have a clue what the word meant and from the look on his face he wasn't going to use it again.