12 year old daughter - is this usual

[rubberdubber1970]

Hi
I'm getting increasingly concerned about my 12 year old daughter.
Her life consists of you tube, laptop and her phone.

I'm now resorting to banning her gadgets because im fed up with her sitting alone in her bedroom (she's an only child)
She doesn't seem to have any real friends, no direction, no passion for anything.

She has always been quiet and reserved, but it's slowly getting lots worse.
She has lots of 'friends' but she doesn't contact them or make any effort to meet them.

We went camping at the weekend, she never spoke to any other children.

It's getting me depressed

My 12 yo son is like this. We limit his time and constantly switch change him to do other things. Have been doing it for years so for now he accepts it. Would not allow any of this stuff in his room (is about the only place / time he reads any more).

My son doesn't spend that much time using electronics in his room, he is mostly reading books in there. Taking away his technology would have little effect.

My dd is the same and also on a ban for cheek and being on her tablet until 4am despite the wifi going off at 8pm. Like other posters, we have a different child. She actually went out with a friend yesterday

This thread is very reassuring. My nearly 12yr old dd is similar, although she's still chatty, funny and interested in news/gossip - she just doesn't contact her friends at all during the holidays or have any hobbies. She's still bit on any social media because she hasn't asked. She's simply watching films, dramas and music videos.

My ds9 is going through a stage if bit wanting to leave his room but he's constantly building Lego or watching people on YouTube building lego

She's not on any social media.

Iamnotloobrushphobic,

Your son sounds like mine! He moans constantly too these days. When I was 12 I was out and about all day and only came home to be fed/go to the loo. It makes me so sad that a lot of 12 year olds are like this today. They will grow up and realise it's too late!

My DD has recently become a room hermit, it sort of happened gradually until I suddenly became aware that I hardly see her anymore.

I do think technology has a lot to do with it - they just exist in this online world which is just not healthy. I can see how after a long stint in her room glued to her phone and tablet my normally bubbly girl is moody and lethargic.

So it's back to enforcing screen time limits which will hopefully help

DS yr7 is not allowed any screens in his bedroom as it's generally not thought to be a good thing for social development. If he wants to hide in there it's books or tidying. On three school days per week he has access to internet for homework and his phone for on the school bus etc but there is no playing on screens those evenings, rest of the week we are lax. I think it's about striking a balance that works for you as a family.

I was a room hermit too at that age. I had books, crafts, story tapes - really there was little reason to be anywhere else! I had a small group of friends, but my bedroom was a real sanctuary. I am very introverted and school was not the best environment for me and I needed a lot of time to recover at the end of the day. I'd have loved you tube had it been around then!

When I was younger, I would do this too. It's weird but you can connect an d talk with your friends about the things you do on there e.g. Youtubers you watch, games you play. I think if she's never off her phone you should maybe talk to her about it but it's either for entertainment or social media.