Body hair removal for 11yo daughter

[Mamto1]

A minefield I'm not equipped for at all. My 11 year old daughter has been developing (physically) very rapidly over the past year. She hasn't started her periods yet although I'm sure thats not far away since I was 11 when I started. She's wearing a starter bra, has very defined hips and waist and quite a lot of pubic hair (although hardly anything underarms yet). Luckily she's comfortable talking to me about her body changes and she has mentioned a few times that she hates her pubic hair and wants to remove it. I've reassured her that its perfectly natural and not to worry about it. But I'm 45 and NOT of the generation who is horrified by body hair and goes to all manner of lengths to remove all of it. I do shave my legs and underarms but as far as my bikini line goes, I'll do a tidy-up trim to make sure nothing pokes out but THATS IT. I am well aware that these standards don't apply to today's teenagers and young women. I feel so clueless. At what age is it appropriate to remove body hair? And by what methods? Any advice would be gratefully received. I hate that she's beginning to worry about these things when I never gave it a second thought at her age (or my current age). But I don't want to dismiss her anxiety just because I don't worry about it. How do you deal with it? She is so young still.

Thanks Breezeharbour will look them up.

It's a worrying sign of the times that young girls are influenced by popular culture telling them that what's natural is somehow wrong. Even more worrying is the influence of pornography on our young people. I'm not suggesting OP that your DD has been exposed to porn, but many have. The norms for female bodies has shifted and the treatment of girls and women is negatively affected as a result of being exposed to pornographic material.

Sounds like you have a lovely relationship with your DD

I don't think there's anything wrong with her wanting to remove it, and OP i'm your era! (and our era definitely did do trimming!!!! Well, they did round here)

Nothing wrong with a bit of 'cutting back'

I'd suggest one of those bikini trimmers that will thin it out and therefore mean it won't be as visible in her leotard.

I still remember going swimming as an 11 yr old with 'visible' hair and getting so much abuse. I will be actively helping my DD when the time comes. She's only 3 now but she sees me doing normal day to day stuff in the shower etc. It shouldn't be a mystery.

Totally agree about the negative effect of popular culture on children tootiredforthissh1t. To the point of no social media yet for dd, and no unsupervised internet access (she's perfectly happy with the guidelines I set out for her), so even though I cannot be absolutely sure (obviously), I am 99% convinced she hasn't seen any porn, or even knows what it is. Really, that is the last of my worries. She is very unsophisticated and has a sensible group of friends, thank god. No, I'm now sure her desire to get rid of her pubic hair is an emotional, growing-up thing rather than a peer-pressure/fashion thing.

You must have been well ahead of your time needaninsight

What about some boxer style undies for her that cover a bit more, perhaps pe days are worrying her if her hair is growing outside her pantyline.
Not sure about the leotard issue though, could you have a word with her ballet teacher? It must be a common issue.

The boxer knickers are a really good idea armfulofroses. I've been thinking about the leotard thing. The older girls tend to wear tights rather than socks, and dd does have some and is increasingly wearing them. So maybe she's figured out a solution on her own. And yes, it must be a common issue. We'll get there I'm sure!

I personally wouldn't jump to the conclusion that it's a popular culture thing. She might be the first in her group of friend who has pubic hair (that she knows from gym/swimming no whatever) and she feels different,maybe she doesn't like hoe it feels under her pants.

I was a late developer and a competitive swimmer (synchronised swimming) as well as ballet dancer and remember all the talks about it with other girls who developed early. They didn't like it all all Especially pubic hair. Many had parents who didn't want them to shave underarm and they stopped sports because of it!

A lot of truth in that I think iwantakitchen

Agree with iwanta re the possible reasons. Would only add that it could also be you. Our bathroom door is always open (guests excepted) and being just us she's seen me doing my bikini line, shaving legs, using tampax when she was little, buying them etc. And of course when she's asked what I'm doing and why, I've always answered. It could be exactly the same for your dd.

Hi mamto

I completely know where you're coming from with this! My DD turned 11 last week and has been sprouting hair all over the place for about a year, and also has sufficient "boobage" to need a soft bra, and has started her periods. All of which is WAY younger than I was before dealing with any of that stuff

My DD is also mixed race, whereas I'm white, with pale gingery / blond body hair so it's all much more obvious on her.
We've been taking her to get her legs waxed for about a year, as she was quite self conscious about them and I didn't want her coping with regular shaving at that age. She has mentioned once that she wasn't keen on her pubic hair. Like your DD, she is still at primary so am certain porn isn't on her / her friends' radar yet and she's not very appearance focused in general so I think she just wasn't keen on how it felt and what it signified (growing up etc). So, I showed her how to trim the length, with nail scissors, (carefully!) and that was it. No mention of it "escaping" from knickers and I have no idea if she regular trims or not. I suspect she can't be bothered actually

It's really hard knowing what to do that will help them feel comfortable, without setting them on a road to hating what is, after all, perfectly natural and normal. All the time whilst being aware of how teenagers and society can view body hair......... sigh. It's soooo tough!

I wasn't allowed to shave my legs until I was in secondary school and was teased horribly. I can remember thinking that I would never do the same when I was a mum!

My DD is 10 (nearly 11) and has very fair skin and very dark hair. I let her shave her armpits and took her to have her upper lip waxed when she asked. I couldn't think of a single good reason to say no. She has asked me to show her how to shave her legs which I will be doing. She is getting close to an age where I'm sure she'd just start shaving whether I like it or not, and I'd rather make sure she knows what she is doing.

I think let her do a trim and that's it. My DD had a little go at shaving pubes and I think the subsequent itchiness put her off sorting them out again for a while! I didn't know she'd had a go until she complained of it being itchy. At 11 there is no need to get rid. As someone of your age, I have only ever trimmed myself, it wasn't something I 'grew up' with.