DS is 10. I am a mother-on-the-edge.

[tigana]

Oh help, wise MNers.

DS is 10. Ergo I am being driven to snotty sobbing by his behaviour (and he's not that bad!). I have lost any ability to parent him I may have had. I don't know how to respond to almost every situation with him. I have read too much other advice and feel stuck in a maelstrom of possible responses.
DS is:
Bright, dis-organised, defiant, kind, helpful, lazy, screen-loving, good reader, a homework-refusenik, sensitive, insightful, bedtime-resistant, grumpy and tearful in the mornings, stroppy, clingy, funny, prone to calling himself an idiot/useless if I challenge him on something, reasonably popular at school, lovely and hideous.

I can't seem to get him to do anything without it resulting in some kind of shouting, slamming, sobbing match...and the thing still doesn't get done. And I mean simple things like get dressed, go to bed, stop scooting indoors, have a shower. Let alone homework, helping around the house etc. The only things he'll do are on his terms, and his terms are not close enough to mine IYKWIM.

What should I do? I feel like I need to re-programmed with "Parenting 101 v2 tweenager". Repeating "this too shall pass" is no longer working...

My Ds is 11 and years 5 and 6 were tough for us, it was like he had outgrown primary school and was just kicking against everything. He is now in year7 and we are all Mich happier and calmer. Dd is 9 and seems to be having this already.

Another person who could've written your post here [waves]! Seems there's more than two of us! We shall survive it, I'm sure - I just naively thought this wouldn't happen for another couple of years. Hormones + firstborn + anxious child = family hell.....

He's been ok today too. Must've topped this wave. For now.

He had a shower after just one reminder... . That's unheard of!!! Must remember these days next time he turns into Mr Melodrama Mcstubbornarse.

Me too - ds is 10 in March and unpleasant - constant answering back, contrary-ness, stubborn, difficult - finding it very difficult at the moment - he resembles much of the description of PDA at the moment

I have a nearly 10 year old and my lovely son has just disappeared in the last few weeks to be replaced with a clingy, anxious, angry, weepy boy. He is asking for more cuddles which isn't something he did previously and seems to be tired when previously he always had so much energy. Glad to hear from others that it's reasonably common.

You sound like you've adopted my DS!

On a serious note is it his last year in primary? I found that boys tend to become more rude, full of attitude and refusing to do anything.

DS had massive anxiety and quite a lot of stress in his last year (he's in year 7 now). It has since calmed down, but we often just get days where DS is exactly as you've described in your OP.

When DS is having one of those days, I lower my expectations (within reason) and set out what he needs to do. I just ask him calmly over and over again and eventually, after much handwringing and shouting, he gets over himself and gets on to what I ask him to do. It can take an age and patience is a virtue but I slowly feel like we've turned a corner.

Oh and pocket money for good behaviour/listening always helps. Gets removed if we have an awful day.

De-lurking to say thank you for posting OP. this thread has been a god-send for my own sanity. Good to be reassured.

Tigana - how are things with DS? Any better? Hope I didn't kill off the thread . My DS 10 been very volatile over Xmas holidays. Having DH at home has been a blessing. Dog has had far too many walks as I escape, again.