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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

daughter being teased because of my rules

32 replies

caliopexx2015 · 21/02/2015 11:39

Hello Smile I need some impartial parenting advice. what would u do...? yesterday my dd who is 10 and her pals in our culture de sac had a fab day playing all was going well until they decided to pay hide and seek. my dd was 'it' however 3 of the kids ran off it sone waste ground that is behind the houses. my kids aren't allowed go in tete so dd said that's not fair I'm not allowed go in there. The other 3 kids proceeded to tell her she had ruined the game znd she always does this! she was in tears snd complete deflated - all joy previously forgotten. during the night she had nightmares and was crying in her sleep Sad today she's very quiet and says she feels too tired to do anything. ..I really want to say something to the other kids parents but part of me feels it will make no difference. i feel awful for her. what would you do. Thanks

OP posts:
MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 21/02/2015 13:00

As others have said, is the waste ground dangerous, genuinely?

Waste ground could mean anything, from a 100 meter square scrubby patch with a few trees and long grass to a place where people dump rusty jagged scrap metal/ fly tip and inject drugs etc.

Can you explain the waste ground OP, because it could be that you are your DD's problem, if you set her rules appropriate to a 5 year old... her friends may have a genuine point that your rules for DD spoil their harmless fun games and they are sick of having to be so restricted by rules made by you in order to includeher. On the other hand you might be quite right and should stick to your guns and help dd fond other friends and activities.

Your rules for your older child should not be based on expecting her to keep the younger one with her all the time - that's just lazy parenting.

Starlightbright1 · 21/02/2015 13:09

I know my sister was just under 2 years older than me and hated we had the same rules...Of course I thought it was very reasonable Wink but I do think the older ones are allowed to feel more grown up as they are.

I don't think you have to change the rules because of other parents rules..However it would depend on why it is unsafe..As a previous poster said Waste ground can mean various things.. I remember playing on waste ground as a child which was basically an uncared for field so very tall grass and a few thistles.. I am sure it will have been built on by now however I would have no issue with my now 7 year playing on it.

Original poster
caliopexx2015 · 21/02/2015 13:27

Thanks for all your replies. The waste ground goes in for miles and miles, it's vast and limitless and accessible to everyone,sort of like the Moors in UK (we live abroad) so if kids are playing hide and seek then the chances of wandering too far into it are reasonable only one cold is allowed play there and her parents are free spirited and also allow her to take care of herself the other 2 were, unlike my daughter, breaking the rules. We don't have a lot of rules just the usual, don't talk to strangers, be careful on the road etc the kids are all in the same group that is why I keep the rules while outside the same. indoors of course older sister has different privileges. and sorry about culture de sac - I'm using the tablet and it sort of does predicted texting. Smile

OP posts:
VirginiaTonic · 21/02/2015 13:36

It sounds like you are right to keep your child off the wasteland, especially if two of the girls were breaking their parents rules. However, her reaction sounds a bit excessive (up in the night with nighmares etc??), especially for TEN year old. Are you sure you haven't frightened her too much about it, or that there is something else going on?

Original poster
caliopexx2015 · 21/02/2015 13:42

No I haven't frightened her at all, I brushed it off and encouraged her to hang out with the kids who also didn't go in the wasteland. but the other 3 kids followed them around still teasing - I stayed out of it. I get very bad nightmares when I'm emotionally upset. We are both sensitive. It was just very upsetting that's all.

OP posts:
MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 21/02/2015 13:43

Hmm that's a tricky one... could they just be allowed to point x / within sight of the house?

If all the kids but one were breaking their own parent's rules it's not yoursthat are the pproblem though.

My 9 yo DD over reacts like yours sometimes - usually there's something other than/ beyond the "trigger" simmering under the surface, though she doesn't always know what herself and sometimes it takes days or longer to become clear. I think it might be fairly common at 9/10/11 at least with certain personality types...

I don't think the wasteland incident is the whole reason for her sudden unhappiness - you could try a worry box or book with her maybe?

Original poster
caliopexx2015 · 21/02/2015 14:05

Thanks mrtumbles, they've done this to her before - picked on her and ganged up a bit and she had put her defences up and moved onto a new group within the estate but I think yesterday she was getting on so well with the other girl she was in a false sense of security with her. They also go to the same school and there has been a bit of passive aggressive stuff going on there but dd was handling it and making new friends. The worry notebook is a good idea thanks. when we moved here first I used to let them play in the wasteland but it really is too risky, it's out of sight from our house and used by all kinds of people from goat and sheep farmers to dog walkers to drifters. It is also prone to fires thanks again for all your responses. x

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