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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Original poster

Leaving children home without a babysitter: what age?

31 replies

Dixit · 18/01/2015 21:27

DS is 14, DD is 11 (Year 7 at school, but one of the younger ones). DH and I have been invited to a party on a Saturday evening. It's a 10 minute drive away. We will probably be back between 11 and midnight. Kids are happy to be left at home without an adult. They have been at home without an adult during the daytime before, but never this late. Interested to hear what others would do in this situation. TIA.

OP posts:

Kikibee · 18/01/2015 21:30

Personally I wouldn't do it, somehow seems worse in the evening, I can't rationalise it, I just wouldn't!

TheFirstOfHerName · 18/01/2015 21:30

We have been thinking about this very issue. Children are nearly 15, nearly 13, and two 10 year olds.

I think that in 18 months, when they are 16, 14 and 11, then I will feel comfortable about leaving them alone for the evening. We would go somewhere local to start with, in case anything went wrong.

Takver · 18/01/2015 21:37

This is really funny! It must have been in Chat, as I can't find it now, but I started a thread a while back re. what to do re baby sitting for an older child, as dd had started to be reluctant to go and sleep over at her gps house. The universal view then (really loads of posts) was that I was being precious, and it would be totally fine to leave a 12 year old alone.

A few months later and we do in fact leave dd now totally happily, she always has someone within 5 mins walk that she can call if there's any problem (gps live round the corner - though in fact we live in a very small village so usually we are 2 mins walk away).

Original poster

Dixit · 18/01/2015 21:45

Thanks for the replies. Another possible "compromise" option I've thought about is checking whether some friends who live really near will be in that evening, so that the kids would know they had someone really close by (2 minutes' walk away) that they could call on if necessary.

OP posts:

Dancergirl · 18/01/2015 23:15

Personally I probably would leave them in this situation as long as they're sensible. But only you know your kids! Some dc this age are mature and sensible and some aren't. I don't think it's totally unreasonable to leave them though....14 year olds can babysit for other people remember.

BackforGood · 18/01/2015 23:22

I would, but then we've built up to this, by leaving them when we've been at meetings in the evening - out somewhere where we'd definitely hear our phones and back by 9.30 or 10.... like most things, a gradual build up makes it less of a "thing".

TeenAndTween · 19/01/2015 11:41

If they are sensible and don't argue and are happy it should be fine.

In your shoes I would consider
a) aiming to be back more like 11 than midnight
b) let them stay up (in jimjams) until you are back home
c) phone them every hour or so to check they still feel OK

TheFirstOfHerName · 19/01/2015 14:03

and don't argue

And there we have the reason we can't leave ours yet.

weegiemum · 19/01/2015 14:07

Ours are 15-in-2-weeks, 13-in-2-weeks and 11.

We leave them as long as they know exactly the plan (youngest panicked once when we were a whole SEVEN minutes late home!!)

Never home after about 10.30.

Original poster

Dixit · 19/01/2015 20:21

Thank you for all the replies. I am currently inclined to leave them, but get back a bit earlier than we otherwise might, with regular phone calls/exchanging of texts while we're out.

TheFirst, your post made me smile. Interestingly, we find that ours behave much better towards each other when there are no parents in the house!

OP posts:

CremeEggThief · 20/01/2015 20:37

I left my 12 year old to go for a pub meal with my old colleagues for Christmas, at a pub 5 minutes drive away, until just after 10 pm. It was fine.

LillianGish · 20/01/2015 20:52

Mine are 13 and 11. Sometimes we leave them sometimes we get a babysitter. I still don't feel 100 percent happy leaving them at night. I think the key things are that they should be happy to be left, that we shouldn't be too far away (ie not more than half an hour) and that we should be home when we say we will (and not too late at that). I also need to be near my phone! Mine are quite sensible, they don't fight, they would probably watch a video or play on their iPods - pretty much much what they might be doing if we were home. In your situation I would do it.

traviata · 20/01/2015 20:56

our DC are 13 and 11 (yr 6).

We have started to leave them, in exactly this kind of situation - max 20 minutes away, and will hear our phones.

They started off totally fine, and still say they are happy to be left. Unexpectedly, however the 11 y/o is starting to be scared when we're out - too many computer games, I think, and the 13 y/o is too wrapped up in herself to comfort him.

Original poster

Dixit · 21/01/2015 21:38

Thanks for the replies.

OP posts:

Seriouslyffs · 21/01/2015 21:44

I would definitely leave those ages and have left younger.

whoreandpeace · 22/01/2015 23:12

We first left ours with DD1 when she was 14, DS was 11 and DD2 was 8. But only if we were in the same village. The younger two preferred DD1 babysitting to having a babysitter as it felt more relaxed. We called and texted throughout the evening, asking DD1 to text us when the other two went to bed.

Then DD1 started wanting to go out herself (blinking cheek!) and so we got a stage where DS was 14 and DD2 was 11 and it felt odd leaving them on their own as DS is not as switched on as his older sis. When I discovered that he had spent the whole evening in his bedroom with the door shut, ignoring DD2, I was a bit cross. So the next time we went out we had a very firm list of rules: both had to spend the time downstairs in the sitting room and follow the bedtime rules and we texted them periodically and they texted back.

It all depends upon the maturity of your DCs. You will know if it feels right.

And yes, give them the phone number of a neighbour whom they can call in an emergency.

SoonToBeSix · 22/01/2015 23:14

In the day time definitely , at night no not all 11 and only at 14 in an emergency such as taking the younger dc to hospital.

Jackieharris · 22/01/2015 23:15

At that age I would.

DramaAlpaca · 22/01/2015 23:19

At those ages I would & have done so.

Nospringflower · 22/01/2015 23:22

I have 13yo, 11 yo and 10 yo. Leave them alone during day / early evening but would never go out for night and leave them. Too worried they would open the door to someone despite being told not to. Would leave the 13 yo on own until about 10 pm but not later.

CointreauVersial · 22/01/2015 23:26

Ours are 15, 13 and 11 and we have just started leaving them in the evenings. They are pretty responsible, get on fairly well with each other, and we have neighbours they know and trust.

stolemyusername · 22/01/2015 23:37

I would and have left my now 16 year old to babysit in the evening since she was 13/14.

Make sure they can call you (give thema landline number in case you have no signal) and leave snacks.

LostInWales · 22/01/2015 23:46

I started doing little practice bits of baby sitting when DS1 was 13 nearly 14 (in a hotel we went down to the restaurant). From then, leaving him in the house with them in the day whilst I went to the shops, then to the nearest pub (1 minute walk), to now going to the next village for an evening out back 11pm ish. I've found that the three of them behave brilliantly when we aren't there to cause arguments (no attention seeking above their brothers) and DS1 is incredibly sensible and risk averse. They have a list of people local (within two minutes) to them whom I trust and they are happy to call if there was an emergency and it's gone, touch wood, very well. I think as a society we tend to baby our teens a lot and they are actually more grown up than we give them credit for who am I kidding, DS1 is already more mature than me by decades.

Mynewnamenotyours · 23/01/2015 00:02

Just started leaving dc aged 14 and 11 for a couple of hours at night but only when we are within 5 mins and one of us is not drinking. Also home by 10.30 or earlier than that in the week as we know DS2 would not get round to going to bed!

We still get babysitters if we will be late or we are both drinking so not able to just get home immediately. We started as some of DS1's friends have started to babysit for others so seemed to make sense.

Just tentative steps for now. I wouldn't do it unless someone was within 5 mins though, 20 mins to get back is too long in an emergency I feel.

gohaze · 28/01/2015 06:29

Legally it's 14 when a child can be left. We started to leave our 13 yr old but only for 10 minutes or so while he gets used to it as he's anxious. I think all kids are different but there's lots to go wrong isn't there? He's not at the stage to be trusted with looking after our 10 yr old twins ( I'm not at the stage to be looking after our ten year old twins), but in another year or so I'll build it up so that he does this briefly.
We never go out of an evening and leave them, they always come with us but then again we're to old for discos (are they still called that?)

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