Lost again with DD age 11 :-(

[willowisp]

My Dd is year 7 at secondary school. She has potential to be a lovely girl & as far as I'm aware, is at school "a pleasure to have in class" etc etc. She is polite, courteous, if a little shy.

At home is Perry from Kevin & Perry. EVERYTHING is too much trouble. She moans, mutters under her breath, winds up her Dsis.
Mealtimes are particularly fractious.
After dinner today she moaned about her pudding -something she was given to make. Announced she's had enough & was about to flounce off when I asked her to fed our dog.
Cue too much huffing & puffing & loudness.

The dishwasher had not been emptied () & as no knifes in drawer, I passed her a fork which was greeted something like this "a forkAFORKIdontwantaforkgivemeaknife".
I said take then fork & cut dog food up with it". So more, ahem, gob from DD so I threw the fork at the floor & told her to stop moaning & get on with it. Which she managed perfectly well.

So I'm the lost-control-mother & she's stomped off thinking she's hard done by.

Every days she dominates meal times & the vibe of the house with her fucking behaviour. I'm sick of it.

You have my sympathies, Ds2 is just 8 but meal times became hell. Everything I made was an issue for him, I even let him choose a whole weeks worth of meals as I meal plan and it still resulted in arguments, him making gagging noises and crying.

All of his reactions are fake, he would cause a huge fuss but then eat the meal. The anger I had to suppress was making me ill.

We sat him down and talked to him about it, I told him that none of his temper tantrums would change the meal, it was what it was and there were new rules in place. There was to be no moaning or commenting on the meal unless the words were "this is delicious" and now there would be consequences for his behaviour.

The second he started to make a comment, he was asked to leave the dining room and return when he was ready to behave. He would only leave for about 30 seconds but come back and sit down and eat.

We had this in other areas ie if we were walking somewhere he would moan about how far it was (20 minute walk to shops, capable or running around for hours in a park!) I told him that whining wasn't going to make the journey shorter but that it just made Dh and I cross and then he wouldn't be allowed to do X,Y,Z when we returned home.

This has made a huge difference. Ds2 likes to be centre of attention so for him to be sitting out when we are playing a family game is terrible enough for him that he has modified his behaviour.

I also think that relating behaviour to the adult world of when your teacher is frustrated you don't see him throwing your books on the desk and whining at the child who hasn't done their homework. That at 8 he should be starting to get a handle on his emotional outbursts.

Isn't parenting great?