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feel awful after being rude to daughter Please help!

29 replies

misslongstocking · 29/08/2013 14:53

I feel so terrible - 11 year old daughter(eldest of 3) has been awkward and difficult for much of school hols but it came to a head at weekend .I was taking her to a party and she was worried about being late (had been changing my clothes) and she said something like ' why do you bother,you still look awful' . I said 'why do you have to sound like such a bitch?
She gasped in horror at my choice of words and we continued the journey in silence.Later on,when I collected her, I said it was a shame we had fallen out - but didn't apologise Neither did she
I feel wretched as I don't want to be a horrid angry Mum,I love my children so much but just don't know how to handle rude,disrespectful behaviour. Earlier I sneaked a look in her diary and she has written all about the incident !!
Was what I said totally wrong ? has anyone else said anything they regret to their children?
my daughter is at a tricky age I know (and has just started periods) ,also her younger brother and sister are easy going and pleasant,which seems to make it worse - she is always saying how I love them more ,etc etc I tell her I love all of my children!I do try and have chats with her at bedtime and help her as much as I can with homework etc Sometimes she tells me to leave her alone
Please help

OP posts:
MmeLindor · 31/08/2013 21:27

That's lovely, Misslongstockings. Glad that you had a good chat and that she's been a bit better.

If my DC are rude then I tell them so. Not so much dd but DS is sometimes.

I once used the analogy of the family being a square, and when one person (side of the square) leans to one side, to attack another member of the family, the square falls apart. It helped DS as he's a very logical numbers guy.

We talk a lot about how important the family is, and how we stick together when things are rough, and don't hurt each other.

MCos · 01/09/2013 00:33

One day last year, I told DD1 that she was acting like a bitch to her sister. One and only time I've said something like that to her.
She was horrified & devastated, she had only read the word previously - never heard it in use! And couldn't believe I would think that of her.

I was surprised at her reaction. Made me think twice about the language I use. Now I remind the girls not to be 'mean' (if really bad niggling), or to be kind (for lesser niggling).

However, in my head, I still think 'how bitchy' when I hear some of the corrections/comments she gives to DD2 (9). But follow up verbally with 'don't be mean...'.

nooka · 01/09/2013 00:51

I really really dislike the word bitch so there is no way I would have said that, but if either of my children had been so rude then they would not have gone to the party. I would have been furious, comments on appearance like that are a big no no in my mind.

I don't get really really mad that often but when I do my children are under no illusions! They are 14 and almost 13 and most of the time pretty lovely, but they certainly have their moments. Mostly ds. We yell, he sulks and then we talk about it later. Normal teen/parent interactions I think.

misslongstocking · 01/09/2013 10:07

someone asked how often I look in daughter's diary - I don't usually - it's just that she had left it out ,open on that page ,on her bed ! I couldn't help but see it....

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