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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Original poster

Ds 12, childminding issue - what can i do with him afterschool

34 replies

Stepmumm · 27/06/2012 17:49

Bit of background, ds is 12, not very mature or wise to the world. Goes to a school not near home and has previously got school bus to childminders. Childminder has now finished and in reality he's too old for one. Problem is what to do with him after he finishes school until i finish work - its not feasible to get the bus home.

So where can i get him to go/wait safely for an hour or so after school has closed until i finish work.

Anyone got any ideas?

OP posts:

teacherwith2kids · 27/06/2012 19:40

Stemumm,

My son has many ASD traits - we have no formal diagnosis, but we find it useful in everyday life to treat him as if he does have an autistic spectrum disorder.

Believe me, the amount of detailed training and role play and 'what would happen if', and 'what do you think the rule should be if this happens' that is currently going in - and has gone in over the past few years - to preparing him for the responsibilities of starting secondary are HUGE.

Yes, of course, it depends on the child. But it also depends on how much work you are prepared to put in to make your child ready. We put in masses, because we need the arrangement to work. If your son is relatively immature, it is going to take more work on your part to get him ready to make that journey alone, and it is going to take more small steps to get him there. But he's not necessarily going to get more mature 'by magic' - you can actively help that maturing process by equipping him to become more independent, by actively teaching him the skills, rather than by forever making it possible for him never to acquire them....

shrimponastick · 27/06/2012 19:40

I live next door to a nursery/out of school club. They take children up to the age of 14.

There was one boy who used the club at age 12 - rather than going home to an empty house. He seemed quite happy to sit and watch tv in there.

Is there anything like that nearby?

GnocchiNineDoors · 27/06/2012 19:41

Could he cycle? Not sure how far it is but if he stays after school each day then cycles to home or your work?

Sorry if its loadsa miles just ignore what I said.

GnocchiNineDoors · 27/06/2012 19:43

Just noticed yiu have a nine year old who presumably needs after school childcare so could you not liok at something they could do together?

Original poster

Stepmumm · 27/06/2012 20:12

Seeker, his school is in one village, his brother goes to a school in a different village and i work in a different village and live in another town! His bus journey would take 1 hr 15 mins, mainly due to hanging around for connections.

OP posts:

5madthings · 27/06/2012 20:21

what teacherwith2kids said, yes he may well be immature and a bit naive etc, but you need to help him mature, at his age i would think he should be able to manage that, my 12yr old ds1 could. i think you need to start finding ways to help build his confidence and ability to manage these things, rather than looking for childcare options.

and it is difficult, my own ds2 is/has been immature for his age, but we have been working on letting him have small amounts of responsiblity and building up, purely because he has one yr left before high school and he NEEDS to be more mature. and you know what he has actually suprised us, and has proved he can cope and he can go to football after school on his own and then walk/bike home (its half an hour walk) and i can now leave him in the house on his own for an hour or so, or send him to the shops etc. he is 10 next week and so we are just gradually allowing him age appropriate independence and responsibilty, despite him being a bit immature because he needs to learn.

how many connections, what are the areas like where he will be getting on and off the bus ie busy, well lit in winter? he has a phone so can contact you if need be? and i agree the summer holidays are the perfect time to practise :)

Fizzylemonade · 13/07/2012 15:04

Is it the journey & getting buses or being home alone that is the issue?

Theas18 · 14/07/2012 21:57

Gosh if he's a 12yr old who used to get the bus to the childminders I really would need to know why you don't think he could make the extra journey back home.

We are in a busy city and the kids have got themselves about with gradually increasing the challenge of the routes to include bus /train bus and train in one journey (and bus and bus) , and finally a different bus AND a 1 mile walk if I couldn't pick them up and get them to a music lesson. THey are as safe as they could be but it has taken training (DD2 managed the whole lot from 12yrs old in year 8- she started learning by going with me, on the train to choir in town from aged 9)

Theas18 · 14/07/2012 21:59

I'm sure that he isn't the only kid in your area that makes a 1hr plus journey home (unless you have chosen a really unusual school to send him to)

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