12 yr old daughter is lonely and isolated

[princesscasino]

I wonder if anyone out there has a similar situation to mine, as I don't understand it and don't know what to do. My 12 yr old DD (only child) has been to two primaries, both good ones, and is now in secondary school. She had 1 friend in the first school, but said all the other girls would always refuse to let her join in games. In the end she the school tried to help, but it didn't make much difference.
The next primary, everyone seemed interested in her at the start but sadly the same thing happened again, and birthday parties, outings, visits to friends - she didnt get invited. She was often alone in the playground and got taunted a bit. Other girls seemed v nice but didnt want her in their groups. I spoke to the school about it in Yr 6 as she was so lonely, and then some of the girls tried to include her (but I'm sure because they were specifically asked to).
On to secondary school, and it's the same. She is a nice kid, kind hearted, a bit quiet and not good in crowds. Her self confidence was better when younger, as now she believes she is unlikeable. She also says she is ugly and fat, although she is slim and pretty. She has always found schoolwork difficult and believes that other kids think she is stupid - she is also a bit of a daydreamer.
She refuses to join anything outside school. She has zero confidence and in the last year has become really frightened of lots of things, more acutely self conscious, and a bit paranoid. She says other girls at school make faces when she talks as if to say 'she's really weird' .

She isnt experiencing the things other girls are, like normal socialising, going round each others houses, trips to shops and cinemas, that sort of thing. All she has really is her home life and going to school.
I just wonder when it is going to get better. She wakes up unhappy, not a smiley happy girl like she could be. It all doesnt make sense, and no one is able to tell me why this happens, and keeps happening - the schools don't know - my daughter doesn't know - does this ever get better? I wish I could help her but nothing I have done seems to work. Any advice would be great please!

Princess, i have a 12 yr old ds, and he is going through very similar experiences to your dd.

While we have sought help in the past, he still has huge problems making and maintaining friends.

because of this thread, i actually bought the 'Unwritten rules of Friendship' book, and straight away I identified with what was written. (He's the mini-adult, combined with the sensitive soul! - chapters in the book)

It's certainly worth reading - I wish I'd read it years ago .

Wishing you the very best of luck.

Princess: I wondered how you were getting on with this now? Have you managed to put any strategies in place to help your DD? I?ve now ordered the 'Unwritten rules of Friendship' book, I?m hoping that will prove useful. I wondered about the drama classes, too, although I think I might struggle to persuade DD to join ? she is already in several classes out of school. I don?t think the problems my DD have are as extreme as for your DD ? she is seldom singled out to be picked on, she just seems to blend into the background and get overlooked. I really feel for your DD, especially as she has begun to think she is ?weird?, I hope you are able to work through this problem with your DD.

My DD is the same age and she never seems to see friends out of school, they go swimming together, into town etc etc but she never gets invited.

Try 'Place2be' or www.youngminds.org.uk My dd and I found both helpful

Hello,
I deal with the same thing and what kind of helps my is to just listen to music and maybe find neighborhood kids. Also when I am lonely I just watch YouTube videos.

Hope this helps,
😀

Aww I feel for your DD it's really hard with girls. Is there something she would really like to maybe take up outside school to take her mind off things like an art class, animal volunteering or music lessons? I have a DD who is younger and we've already had a bit of what you've described. She had a group of old friends that were leaving her out and meeting up outside school and she wasn't invited. I saw it happen in the playground and spoke to one of the mums who is a good friend. It has got a bit better now and I tried to make sure my DD had a relaxing time outside school and took her to cinema or out with family. Hope things get better for her are there any of the mums you could speak to? Xxx

I know I shouldn't even be on my mum's account but I to am experiencing this problem and the problem is the children not being accepting. Honestly the only way to fit in is to be like the other children if you're not then they think you're weird. If that doesn't work then I think you should just put her with another group of children and this time she should be like the rest of them as being isolated affects your mental health alot. Well I'm not proud to say this but it affected mine. I even went through depression but know one knew. The way I got through it was finding a really good book and it showed me that it's good to be different. Having fake friends can be a pain but having no friends is worse, I didn't have the option to fit in maybe your daughter can.

My 12 year old daughter has come home from a coach trip feeling lonely & isolated. Nobody sat with her either way & only wanted to know he during the day for what they could use from her bag. She was in tears asking why nobody likes her. I'm clueless & can relate to all what has been written in previous posts. My daughter has no real friends at schools although she did get invited to a party due to another girl couldn't make it but at least she got to socialise. She does take part in a club out of school but again doesn't fit in. She is young for her age & not got periods etc yet. This is my first time on here & feel better knowing we are not alone in this situation.

Hi Rainbowpony1 did you get sorted with your daughter? I too am having problems with my 12 year old daughter who is very slim / no periods / no boobs etc. She keeps getting missed out of things / ignored. I am at my wits end. What can I do? She is already worrying about going into year 8!! Any advice would be hugely helpful x

Your poor daughter, bless her heart. It's sad to feel excluded. Quite possible nobody actually dislikes her though.

What often happens is that it all changes when puberty hits, I don't know why but it's a fact. I've seen youngsters, boys and girls, become popular almost overnight. I hope this is the case for your daughter or at least that she finds some friends.

Do reassure her that things will change and do everything you can to boost her confidence.

Thank you so much for your response. Why do you think it is the puberty thing?? She is tiny in height and body compared to her friends. I just don’t know what I can do about it. She doesn’t want to go back to school! X