comments from keyworker at my DD parents evening are playing on my mind....

[Bigmouthstrikesagain]

Dd is 3 1/2 and very happy at pre-school she skips merrily in (she does 2 days and a morning session each week) - knows all the staff and childrens names (more than I do!), and I see her as a happy confident little girl.

She plays mainly independantly though she enjoys squabbling with her older brother! Is obsessed with dressing up as a princess and apart from a few issues with toilet training is a normal little girl afaik.

Her key worker (whom I confess I haven't warmed to but dd seems to like her) - brought up her concerns about dd 'not having any particular friends' and tending to play in parallel rather than involving others in her games. I was a little surprised and asked whether this was actually a problem at 3? she back tracked a little and said no, but continued to ask me if I wanted her to monitor this issue for me?

I keep thinking about it now and obsessing about her tone of voice and 'professional concerned' face (looked patronising or pitying to me but there you go), dd is very friendly and speaks to everyone - asking them their name where they live etc. etc. she always gravitates towards people and has an excellent memory for names and even talks about children in particular being her best friends from pre-school so I am confused. Is there a problem if she prefers her own imaginary play to bringing others in?

Should I just take a chill pill? I suspect I am over analysing.

Bigmouth, why not ask the play leader (or another more senior member of the team) for their take on this. I would expect experienced childcare professionals to be more pro-active if they genuinely felt there was a problem.

TBH she sounds very like my dd1, also 3 1/2 if not a bit more confident (dd1 will only speak to people she knows & trusts)

I was thinking about doing that iwnh I think I need to put myself and my overanxious mind at rest, so thank you.

I really wish dd1 would stick to talking to people she knew sometimes - it can be exhausting trailing after dd as she meets and greets every passerby... Though it was amusing watching her question the lad litterpicking in the park today, insisting he admire her glittery shoes and bringing him bits of litter. She can be a little overwhelming for some I am sure (stage school awaits her where oodles of blind optimism and supreme self confidence are an asset!!).

Bigmouth, my DD was the same at that age. She used to talk to everyone, even inviting them home to tea with us. She even made friends with local dogs and one used to send her birthday cards every year and she used to write it letters and draw it pictures. She was a very confident little thing.
There's nothing wrong with a bit of confidence.
I wouldn't worry about the report. She will be at school in September anyway.

If it's only parallel she engages in at nursery I would be a little concerned. If she shows she can play as part of a group but chooses not to most of the time I wouldn't be concerned.

Does she prefer the company of the staff? Does she often play with other children at home?
I do find that children who have a large amount of adult interaction at home seek out staff to play with at nurseries rather than other children.

I know an almost 7 year old who mainly engages in parallel play. He is sociable and engaging and can play with others at times but for some reason prefers not to.

its very very normal

Hi OP, just had a read of your thread.

Do you have an update?
I am a nursery nurse so interested in what they had to say regarding your DD's parallel play

I am ressurecting this thread because my dd was diagnosed with autism a few years after this thread. My ignorance of ASD meant I did not appreciate the implications of the keyworker's comments at the time and so it was not until she was 8 and her class teacher raised concerns at her yr 4 parents evening that we asked GP to refer and she was assessed. I don't think there was anything lost by not seriously considering getting dd assessed sooner but i thought it might be interesting for people with pre school age children who "parallel play". I have a fabulous autistic 12 yo daughter with ADD and I could not be prouder of her.

This is really interesting because the natural response of people in threads about these kind of parental worries is to tell people what they want to hear (“your daughter seems fine” if someone doesn’t agree their child shows signs vs “if you’re worried I’d follow your instincts” if someone is really concerned) but it just goes to show that none of us on the internet really have a clear view of the child and as tempting as it is to go to the internet for reassurance it’s something that really can only be convincingly given by people who actually get to meet our children.