How to talk about 'Stranger Danger' with pre-schoolers.

[Hangingbellyofbabylon]

Dd is 4 at the end of August so one of the young ones in the year and starting reception in September. Today she went on a trip with playgroup to an education centre which has facilities to teach about road safety, safety in the home, stranger danger etc.

I didn't pick her up today but my FIL did and he was taken aside by the playgroup leader to say that during one of the exercises she went off with a stranger who offered her an icecream. Playgroup are now really worried and have asked me to talk to her about today. I have explained about people we know and trust and strangers and she got quite upset and said 'no mummy, I don't want you to talk about that'. I don't know if she got upset because she realised she did something 'wrong' at playgroup, or if she is scared by it.

I feel a bit foolish for not having properly addressed this with her - we have spent a lot of time talking about road safety and she is superb when we're out and holds my hand and walks really sensibly. I have also talked a bit about who can help her if she wets herself or anything and who can help her in the toilet etc. We've also explained all about how babies are made in the correct terms and she is fine with it all. I think part of the reason I haven't really gone in to stranger danger too much is because I'm worried about how to talk about it without scaring her. I know she needs to know but she is ever so young and little things really upset her (like all children).

I was wondering if anyone had any tips? also are there any books available that address the issue?

we've been forced to broach the subject recently as there have been police warnings in our area of a man trying to abduct a child on a few occasions

dd (6) seems to understand and I think ds (3) does too, atm I feel the situation calls for me to risk worrying them iyswim

a 3 year old would go with the person offering the ice cream, absolutely

agree this is too young and the wrong sort of teaching for children anyway

teach them to respect their own and other people's bodies - how to say NO to things they don't like - that parts of them are private and shouldn't be messed about with

that's IT for this age and is more or less enough for any age, tbh
stranger danger is a wildly overrated fear and not really anything that needs to be dealt with for children of an age who are never going to be left unsupervised

p.s. my ds is just 5 and I would say pretty bright
he still doesn't get the idea of not going off with strangers, and who strangers ARE;
to him, a nice person he has met and decided he likes in the park, is not a stranger
the playgroup are twits if they think they can teach this stuff reliably to 3 year olds in this way

But dinny - where is your 3 year old going to be that she is at risk?

if like me people let their young children play out the front unsupervised, you still don't need to explain stranger danger as such (although I kind of have)

just make a simple rule - don't go ANYWHERE with ANYONE for ANY reason without telling me

mmm, have to say neither ds or dd are left alone or unsupervised at any time

TBH stranger danger is often an hindrance rather than a help. In reality we talk to strangers ALL THE TIME - in the supermarket queue, every time we go see a doctor or go on a bus or get their eyes tested. Every new friend was a stranger once.

We have the rule F&Z has: don't go anywhere or accept anything from anyone without checking with me (or adult responsible for them, e.g. teacher, grandma) first. We also have a list of "safe adults" to ask if they get lost. In order of preference: a police officer in uniform, a shop assistant who is actually behind a counter (e.g. a cashier) or a mum with young child/baby in pushchair.

Anything else cannot ever be a hard and fast rule, and young children don't have the skills to understand grey areas.

mmm, that is essentially what have told dd and ds - and never to go with anyone they don't know, obv

the other think I teach mine is that they don't have to touch or be touched by anyone they don't want to touch or be touched by. Embarrassing when grandma asks for a kiss, but hey ho.

And that it's OK to say "no" to adults.

exactly, RD and Frank, how can a child possibly be expected to understand that their mum and dad have sent them to a preschool where they will be placed in danger, however temporarily? it doesn't make any sense to me, and i'm 37.

agree with aitch, i'd be furious too. what the fuck are they doing setting up a role play with no plans to address the issues they are 'identifying' (creating)?? sounds more like a mis-education centre.

Ah yes seeker, we have that one too, I'd forgotten I like the book The Right Touch by Jody Bergsma for opening discussions about knowing what makes them feel uncomfortable and trusting their instincts.

Aitch: quite. OP's poor DD probably just assumed that was all part of the trip and an extra unexpected treat

and got totally humiliated by it in the process, by the sounds of her reaction now.

I have a 3yr old and we are just starting to talk about private/ public etc.
when it comes to strangers or stranger danger I think it is a hard concept for her
it is up to me to look out for her to allow her some freedom but keep an eye on her interactions.

we have talked about keeping close to mummy/ daddy and making sure we cam always see each other when out and about, but kids are easily distracted.

My MIL has mentioned that dd is too friendly, I don't really think that is a bad thing, she is sometimes weary of people but I rather she grows up confident rather than full of barely understood fears and anxieties

all this of course within reason

That sounds like a very odd pre-school trip - not something I'd be happy about either.

Bet Haychee would love that centre though and take her kids every week

I would be LIVID if my preschooler was taken to Streetwise.

I think it's a terrible idea but having read their website and seen how much support they get, realise I'm probably in a minority.

Why are we teaching our children that the world is such a scary place?? It's not, it's a great place! How long does it take to run through a couple of simple rules? Rubberduck's and seeker's are great - non-threatening and would probably serve an adult equally as well.

Why don't we all just stop going out?

well, if it was streetwise then according to their website she IS too young.

"There are two types of tour - a General Safety Tour and a Specialised Safety Tour. General Safety Tours last approximately two hours and are currently suitable for 5 - 12 year olds in school or youth groups (cubs and brownies etc) or in family groups with parents. The Specialised Safety Tour can last up to two hours, and can be flexible in the number of scenarios covered. This type will be necessary for Special Needs Schools because they have a limited attention span and also for groups wishing to specialise e.g. the elderly with bogus callers at the door.

The tours help build the confidence to cope with the world and make learning about safety fun, memorable and most important of all - relevant to their everyday lives.

Numbers of visitors with similar requirements are matched up to maximise efficiency wherever practical. Visitor types will be taken into consideration when combining groups in this way.

Streetwise also offers Pre-School Safety Tours lasting up to an hour for children aged 4 years from playgroups and nurseries in the area. We have also recently developed a Safety Tours for Grown Ups and plan tours for Teenagers and Householders!"