If you had an ‘academically’ bright preschooler, did they continue to be smart as they got older or does everyone catch up in the end and they are just regular for their age? Just wondering.

[luckycat888]

Stupid question really but basically wondering if being (somewhat) advanced now (I think) is an indication of being smart when they are older. DC very normal socially and is confident, gets in with others, happy to participate etc so no worries there.

Interesting point. I had not thought of that.

although DC1 was very good at everything. They are summer born so I think that contributed to not standing out initially.. it only really became obvious in y7 what an academic powerhouse they were.

It’s not a stupid question at all, OP — but it does reflect a widespread misunderstanding about what intelligence, and especially giftedness, really means.

Being “somewhat advanced” academically in early childhood — reading early, picking up numbers quickly, finishing worksheets fast — often indicates a head* *start, not necessarily very high intelligence, let alone giftedness. Many children hit developmental milestones at different rates, and early proficiency can even out quickly as peers catch up. What’s too often mistaken for giftedness is sometimes just good exposure, supportive environments, or being slightly ahead of the curve for age — none of which reliably predict exceptional intellect later on.

Truly gifted children, by contrast, tend to show asynchronous* *development — where cognitive abilities far outpace emotional or social maturity. They often ask unusually complex questions, think abstractly from an early age, and can experience the world with a level of intensity or sensitivity that isn’t always convenient or socially “easy”. They may not always be high achievers in school — particularly if they’re under-stimulated or misunderstood.

So no, being bright, confident, and socially typical doesn’t automatically point to future brilliance. It’s lovely to have a socially adjusted child who finds school work easy — but that doesn’t necessarily make them gifted in the true psychological or developmental sense.

For context one of my DC was particularly bright. My other DC has SEN and can’t read or write at 12. It’s so sad.

To answer your question a bit more objectively, I’ve given some examples that are somewhat quantifiable.

DC passed that grammar school entrance exam with no tuition - It was 30 miles away so too far so we didn’t send them in the end so they went to local comp.

Scored 110 and 118 in SATS no practice outside of school.

Scored 129 (average 100) on an entrance test they sat in year 7, so the school have an idea where they are then give them
target grades. All 8’s. The school
told me that DC scored the highest in their cohort of about 300 children.

Not doing amazing now they’re sitting their GCSE’s tbh and won’t be getting all 8’s that’s for sure, however the school isn’t great and DC gets distracted and hasn’t worked as hard as what they would need to in order to get those predicted high grades. So it’s certainly nature and nurture.

I was ahead and stayed ahead throughout school.

I'm pretty sure that on average the "academically very bright" pre-schooler will do better academically later on than the not so bright. But there will also be a lot of variation, so it won't necessarily be the case, and they certainly won't necessarily stand out. My DS stood out academically more than my DD during pre-school and primary school, but DD did better in secondary school and University. She had a quieter, less showy-off intelligence that fared better as time went on. She was also harder working. On the other hand, I wouldn't be surprised if DS goes on to do better career wise as he is better at charming people. We will see!

I was one of those who was reading pretty well by age 3, consistently topped my year in all academic subjects all through school, ending by coming top of all Philosophy students at Oxford. My graduate studies went pretty well too. However, I was (briefly) a rubbish management consultant and I remain a very mediocre academic (but a great tutor!). I spend a lot of my life feeling pretty stupid these days, but that's partly context as I work with a lot of brilliant people. Including a few who were not successful at school at all.

This happened to my daughter. Pairing her with someone who needed more help.

The boy was frustrated and was upsetting her, so I spoke to her teacher. I said this pairing was affecting my daughter's education as the boy didn't want to learn and became physical with her, when he couldn't understand what she was telling him.

I was not happy about it. My child isn't there to help one that isn't interested. They separated them after I complained.

My DS was really bright when he was little, quick to read, wizz at maths etc. Finished primary with almost full marks for his SAT, standardised testing put him even higher as he’s an August baby. Bright most of the way through secondary, top set, further maths etc always one of the top in his classes. Yr 10 mocks fantaatic - until his natural ability leveled and he was actually required to put some work in, turns out he’s a lazy so and so 😂. Finished with relatively good GCSEs (not the straight 8s he was predicted because, in his words, he didn’t need them, literally switched off at the beginning of yr11 and decided he was only going to do the bare minimum to get into college (he thought that was working smart). So lazy doing his ALevels barely worked at all in y12, scraped through into yr13 scored C,D,U in his final mocks but had applied to UNI. Managed to pull B,C,C by putting in some last minute revision (much to everyone’s surprise), so he got his place at UNI. We deferred it for a year so he could be actually be sure that he was prepared to study. He’s off on September.

other end of the scale my DD has always been below expected level across the board. Has really struggled to understand subjects. Finds a lot of it confusing, never enjoyed reading etc. is in yr 11 currently, predicted mainly 4s and is working her a#%e off to achieve those, I’m keeping everything 🤞🏻 that she exceeds those forecast grades because she deserves as she has worked solidly!!

DD was exceptionally bright all the way through primary and got an academic scholarship to her senior school. Plateaued by GCSE and had clearly reached her academic "peak". Worked her socks off for her A levels; got good results but not the "A*s across the board" that her performance at primary school might have suggested. Got into a solid Uni and obtained a First but, again, she achieved this through super hard work (and admits she only got it because of lockdown and the lack of clubs and societies!). So yes, I would say that being bright at Primary may not necessarily translate to being Top of the Class forever.

I would say DD is a really well rounded woman now. My top tips would be: 1) encourage reading 2) expose your child to whatever culture and life experiences are within your budget / lifestyle (but naturally, not with "pushing them on" in mind 3) encourage playdates and extra curricular activities such as Guiding/Scouting/dancing/gym etc

Mine , born 2 years apart were both moved up a class at nursery as under 2’s as ‘more advanced’. Whatever that meant?! They were in the top ‘sets’ at primary relative to their peers (DC2 one of six picked in reception aged 4 to work in a year 1 class) and secondary, and in the outstanding overall achiever award groups for GCSE results. Did very well at A level especially DC2, both went to RG unis, one now graduated and working, the younger in his second year and on for a first so far.
No geniuses that’s for sure, they played sports, did scouts and have worked since age 16 alongside study, but smart and hardworking and were encouraged.

@CakeBlanchettSo interesting, thank you. And I agree. I also think there’s also a difference between someone who is smart vs intelligent.
I am certainly not intelligent but I can get things done and have a fair amount of common sense (or at least I think!). I reckon my DC will be similar to me. Not gifted or talented but a logical thinker. She was reading long words at 2.5 (mostly from memory), books by 3. Now at 4 does basic add and subtract so a few notches above her peers but not remarkable as a few posts on here highlighting their kids doing far more!
Was just an interesting topic for me as a First Time Parent with only 1 DC. Having read all the responses I’m now wondering if I should do more to support or let things just be.
Saw someone on social media (where I get most of my parenting advice 😂) saying if your kid is good at tennis for example, but behind in Maths and English, don’t get them a tutor, get them a tennis coach! I get what they’re trying to say but they won’t get far in life without maths and English…won’t be able to add up their tennis scores haha

I was an early reader, could read at 3 and was fairly advanced in English and writing throughout primary school. In secondary school it levelled out. Still got an A in GCSE English and B at A level without too much effort. Got a 2.2 English degree at an ex poly so very average by then. I have a good but not highly paid job, definitely not a high flyer.

@cadburyeggThanks, I wonder how much of that is to do with your ability vs your environment / distractions / pressure / support in and outside classroom etc.

I think ‘being advanced’ when looking at a young child is in the eye of the beholder and often is neither objective, nor useful.

My eldest was the most advanced of our NCT group - walked first, advanced fine motor skills for her age, spoke first and then had the widest vocabulary, recognised letters way before her peers etc. However, as soon as she went to Reception this levelled off, and quickly it became clear she was struggling. It turned out she’s severely dyslexic, and paradoxically precocious development in some areas is a common sign. Her friends who developed more slowly (neurotypically) had massively overtaken her by yr 2.

The child that read age 3 and spoke in sophisticated sentences at 2 that we were certain was gifted has good attainment for sure, but didn’t pass his grammar school exam despite being a ‘shoo in’.

I’ve seen lots of other parents of pre-schoolers make the same assumptions about their ‘very advanced’ child and some of it is down to lovely parental pride and no bad thing, but it can lead to heartache later as a lot of hopes and expectations start to build. My SIL is quick to say her two year old DD is a genius (an only child and the first child BIL and SIL have had any real exposure to), when in comparison to my (now much older) kids and their peers at the same age, she appears quite delayed in her speech and communication, and this may only become apparent when she starts preschool and SIL has more of a frame of reference.

I think it’s great to appreciate kids for who they are and enjoy their strengths at each stage, but know that most kids will statistically end up somewhere around average academically. It’s their social skills, drive, resilience to difficulty and work ethic that’s ultimately what I would be trying to develop.

Our son was off the charts bright before he went school and for the first few years of primary school. His infant teacher said she’d never met a child as bright. He evened off as he went through the back end of primary school and high school and left high school with an average number of GCSEs. He’s mid twenties now and very intelligent, emotionally intelligent and perceptive. He’s a lovely lad.

@BananaPeanutToastAgree completely. At the preschool parents evening last week we deliberately avoided talking about her abilities as we already know she is very capable. Instead our questions were around her behaviour, interaction with others, manners, whether she is helpful and kind etc. They actually said she needs to work on her empathy as she doesn’t also understand that’s she has upset someone. We paid far more attention to this than anything else they said.

My DD was bright at preschool. Not exceptional, but definitely bright. Now Y10 she's expected to get all 8s and 9s next year and most likely more 9s. To pick up on points made by PPs, she read enthusiastically and still does. She's also very very motivated. She gets very cross when people say "oh yes, she's so clever" because it takes away from the sheer hard work she's putting in as well. I suspect the brains make it easy, but it's the work that's getting the consistent results!

Yes my DDs are like this too. Yes they’re naturally clever, but they also put far more work in than most other kids I know.

This is such a wise post and very much the sort of point I was trying to make.

The generous predictions are often made out of pride and love, but can in fact be so damaging.

My Dc ( and I, in fact, ) have been to schools where a lot of very ambitious parents send their Dc and I have seen young lives all but destroyed by too much emphasis being placed on precocious development.

One little child arrived at school so far ahead of everyone, so much so that everyone was rather in awe of them. It became the thing to say “ oh my Dc has done well, obviously not to the level of Child X, but still …” This child slowly began to drop behind and when the iq testing started, the child was bottom of the year group. The school had the child re-tested. The child also later watched most of their peers sail into the next school of choice while they missed the cut. The change in the child was so extreme as this unravelled; they even developed a stutter. It’s far from the only case I have seen.

All too often that very forward presentation is wittingly or unwittingly really only a manifestation of having being quite pushed with early skills and isn’t an advantage that will necessarily stay the course.

By all means expose children to things, but you can’t actually build a genius. They are or they aren’t, and too many little people have devastating outcomes when really they just needed to be loved and appreciated for who they are. That’s the very best job a parent can do.

I know someone who works with genuinely gifted children. She said the reality is that parents who have a truly gifted child are generally absolutely terrified by it and all the implications. They come looking for help, not strategies to enhance.

Hi, this is an interesting thread. I hate nearly 7 year old, didn't know many children to compare her to before starting school, but I thought she was a genius as a 1 year old with her attention span with books, colours, jigsaws, patterns and language etc. she learnt to read well pretty soon from starting school and in her head age 5. she's bright now and in the 'challenge group' at school, at parents evening the emphasis is that she loves learning. As others have said that's a big driver. I don't need to support her academics at the moment, but emotionally she cries before school dispite loving it because she's a perfectisy and a worryier about how her hair is, what the lessons will be like, playtime etc.

Now she seems in the top 20% maybe but not genius.i do concider nurodivrcity but seems unlikely fortunately. I'm worried about her as a preteen with how emotional she can be now.

My DD was very bright as a little girl, early talker and reader, keen at writing and school reports always said above expectations/gifted and talented.

What she has maintained is a great memory for information, strong writing and a willingness to learn - listen etc… these aspects have kept her doing well - even if she puts in little effort as a grumpy teen.

She has however developed a real gift and passion for art and is doing really well with this, this feels more authentically a talent rather than learnt skills.

My DD as a baby was so much more advanced than those around her. Early speaking, full sentences, amazing memory, endless capacity for stories and an ability to memorise whole books and appear like she was reading. Grasped counting, alphabet, pattern recognition so quickly, amazing vocabulary. It really stood out.

At school now aged 7 and DD is average at best. A left hander who struggles to write neatly, finds engaging with work at school hard, doesn’t shine really at all. I think the school environment is letting her down tbh so we try to focus on playful learning, discovery and reading and writing for enjoymen. I think these things plus positive mindset and a work ethic is a good start. I don’t care how she measures against a tedious curriculum right now.

My youngest DS…was a challenge because he was picked up as having a fiendish intellect by CAHMS aged 3. It was his ability to synthesise his learning, apply that creatively and out think most adults who had to deal with him. Admittedly he has ADARRRGGGHD with ASD but he is profoundly gifted. he was fiery all through primary, point blank refused to do IQ tests with the CAHMS Ed psychs aged 5 on the grounds ‘ if I show you exactly how clever I am you will expect me to work at that level all the time and I am not stupid.’ He walked out of the G&T stream extra provision provided for primary exceptional kids at uni because he was bored, caused havoc in secondary and campaigned at the headteacher to be allowed to sit the subjects he wanted on top of the normal amount. He loved the greater freedom to self study in sixth form, refused to go to university, opted for a higher apprenticeship and has found a career he loves in engineering. My biggest concern is he has never learned to cope with failure as he has always achieved everything he has ever set his mind to do.

TBH he is the reason my hair has gone grey. I do not recommend parenting a twice exceptional very gifted child. IMHO it’s better to have a child that is loved and who does need to put a little work into learning before secondary as that can better equip them for study and all that comes after.

@Whatanidiot123 have you considered having her assessed for dyslexia by an educational psychologist? This sounds very familiar. Having the school recognise it can make a big difference (and help you with strategies to support her)

I didn’t push academics before school, just played with them, read to them, chatted to them, took them places. Reception teacher commented within week how bright older dc were - not because they were ahead with academics - but because she could have an interesting conversation with them and they picked up new things first time. For us language and speed of learning / curiosity were better indicator at that age of natural ability. Reading for pleasure throughout school helped with every subject. Being very bright can make you lazy my DC got top marks with no revision. definitely think those with a particular talent or interest who had to work at it excel at uni / post grad level more. I don’t think pre teaching maths and reading is necessary as bright kids learn at a faster rate and find the pace of school deadly boring as it is without starting miles ahead.