OMG DS is starting nursery on Monnday - only found out today (And they asked if he could start tomorrow ... uhh no!!) But have some problems ...

[MrsKittylette]

He doesnt want to go

We went in and he was so withdrawn and terrified!

He has issues with things, for example he wouldnt wear his suit at my wedding, things that are unfamiliar to him upset him and I think we are going to have trouble with his uniform.

He has an afternoon placement from 1:30 - 3:30.

Im excited because i think its good for him but feeling a bit guilty as we were told he couldnt start till September as there were no places left and I rang today to check and happened to ring as she was going through the reserve list because of a cancellation.

His teacher is my sisters best friends muma nd a lovely lady which Im glad of.

But im generally feelinf awful, guilty and like I dont want him to go

I mean whats he going to think when i disapear and hes left in this odd place??

hes 3 BTW.

A lot of it is to do with a sense of identity. My children have loved wearing their uniform (grey trousers/skirt pinafore, polo shirt and sweatshirt/jumper) as it made them feel like they were a bog girl/boy and it does ease transition into school.

Even at Tumbletots which ds went to from age 2, wearing the T-shirt helps set him up for the class in that he knows what to expect and he feels part of a "club".

But why do they have to "identify" with an institution a second before they have to?

"I love it personally, but DS being the kind of soul he is wont"

with respect Kitty why on earth are you thinking of sending him there then? Either wait until he is older and more prepared for this, or find a different kind of nursery that is more his bag. My ds absolutely hates organised activities but has settled quite well in a nursery where it is 90% free play. Don't try to fit a square (3 y o) peg into a round hole, if you don't have to!

I think the uniform is really a secondary issue. Well, assuming it's not a stripey blazer, knickerbockers and a straw boater type thing. If it were me I'd ask the nursery to do a couple of sessions on a trial basis and see how it goes. If he really doesn't like it then I'd delay it until September and try again then. I think he probably will cry when he is left, it's really a question of whether or not he calms down and enjoys it or cries for the whole time.

Hiya

thanks for the advice,

Ive rang the nursery and told them hewont be starting Monday, I told them he needed some thime and so do I and that he needs to be fully potty trained too,

They were really good about it and said 'just let us know when you are ready'

Im thinking to aim for after the Easter holidays.

BTW uniform is grey trousers, black pumps, shirt, tie and jumper.

Is this a private school? Even the poshest private schools around here (dd and ds are at a non posh one) don't have shirt and tie for nursery though dd has one for reception class.

That is a bit ridiculous.

A tie? blimey!

dd's nursery has a uniform for 3+ but it is polo shirt and skirt/trousers

I think you are doing the right thing by waiting. can you start him at say two days a week then build it up?

A shirt and tie? For 3 yr olds? DS went to nursery at 3 and they wore a uniform - grey tracksuit bottoms and a white polo shirt and a grey sweatshirt. Idea was comformt and easy care.

It does sound like you have made the right decision. All DCs are different and what is right for one 3 year old will not necessarily be right for another. Aiming for after Easter is sensible as it will give you both time to get used to the idea.

Oh & BTW Kitty they CANNOT insist he is potty-trained -if he is fine but don't do it just for them! Under the equal ops thing it's discrimination to insist on this & it makes my blood boil when they pressurise parents to do it for THEIR convenience.

I think you are wise to wait if you feel he isn't ready, even by Easter he'll be that little bit more confident & grown-up & if you still feel it's not the right time Septemeber.

Well done for making the decision - it must have been difficult. I can't help myself adding that I would think twice about sending a child anywhere that puts 3 year olds in ties. And who insists on them being potty trained. Sorry.

Its not a private school, its a state catholic school.

I think theres a polo-neck option but im sure thats only for summer.

our catholic school has a uniform but the nursery children don't wear it

A tie??

If he has issues with the uniform (and he may not when he realises that is what everyone wears) they will probably let him wear the polo shirt for now. tbh if you are going to be happy sending him there anyway, do so sooner rather than later , perhaps at half term, or he may well latch onto your increased anxiety and find it more difficult to settle. Explain to him that everyone feels odd to start with and that it is ok to do so. 2 hours will pass quickly, they'll have a snack and loo break.

Think of it as exclusive time to spend with ds2 which you took for granted with ds1.