What do I do - a member of staff at dd2's preschool has excluded her from her dd's party

[startouchedtrinity]

Dd2 goes to a very small pre-school. It's part of our local community and all the staff have dcs at the local school and live in the village. Some mornings dd2 plays with a little girl when we are waiting to go in and dd2 talks about her a lot at home. Her mother is one of the pre-school teachers. On Friday I was waiting with someother mums to pick up when they started talking about this little girl's birthday party, and one little girl who has only just started had been invited, but not my dd. From what I can gather the rest of the pre-school has (about 10 dcs). I've never been made aware of any problems with dd2 and I thought me and the mum got on okay, although she did have a go at dh when he helped one day for taking dd2 to wash her hands.

If it was another mum I'd be miffed but put it down to my face not fitting. But this is a staff member of a very small pre-school and I am wondering just what her problem with my dd2 is, and how this might be affecting how she gets treated when I am not around. Dd2 and this little girl will be in the same class at school and our older dds are also in the same class.

What should I do? Should I have a word with the supervisor? If it gets out that I've made a complaint I will get snubbed in the village as she is very popular. Should I just let it go?

[startouchedtrinity]

Thank you both.

NAB, have discussed it with dh and he still wants dd2 to go to the pre-school until she is settled elsewhere - hopefully not for many days - simply b/c she loves it so much. She trots off down the road each morning with her book bag, full of excitement - I cannot tell you how gutted I am for this to have been taken away from her. We have really supported the pre-school over the past few yrs, now for various reasons it is on its knees but we were still supportive - I don't think they realise that w/out children there is no money for their wages.

As for moving, I've wanted to do so for 18 months but dh is a bit head-in-the-sand over how unhappy I am. But that's a whole new thread...

[lisalisa]

Message withdrawn

[startouchedtrinity]

Thank you lisa - you have been so supportive on this thread - am very too but so for dd2.

[NAB3]

My DD loved her nursery but we removed her instantly once the trust had gone. She wasn't even bothered. Up to you but I think you should think about how it will affect your DD if the staff are annoyed with you.

[startouchedtrinity]

I agree with you. Rather than just hand over the letter I have decided to talk it through with the chair, at least she is a friend, and show her exactly what I need in terms of assurances and apologies. If she can smooth that waters then I won't make a complaint, but if she can't then I will and I will take it to the committee meeting on Thursday. We have dd2 booked in at the Montessori for Wednesday and depending on how much she likes it we will move her. Hopefully it will only be another couple of days'. Dh is still keen for her to do a morning at her current pre-school b/c they have links with the school she will be going to, but I suspect that by the time this is resolved relations between the staff and ourselves will have broken down to such an extent that this will be impossible.

[NAB3]

What has happened?

[islandofsodor]

I too can not understand the rule at Lisalisa's school.

Dd is in a private school, class of 19, 14 girls and 5 boys. Due to size restrictions and the fact that she has a brother and cousins we have to restrict invites to 10. Under that ruke dd would not be allowed to have parties at all.

Actually I would never agree to such a rule, I think I would look for an alternate school.

[StarryStarryNight]

Start, is this preschool ofsted registered?

I am not sure if it applies, but the lack of professionalism and ability to try and put things right, might be something you could talk to ofsted about. Instead of trying to see your point of view, they appear to have been escalating for their own personal purposes.

Good luck. What a horrible situation to be in.

[lisalisa]

Message withdrawn

[Clary]

lisalisa that school policy is so unusual (polite word).

How can school tell me which children DD can have at her b/day party? - she has 30 in her class and 30 in the other class in her year. So I would have to invite errm, 60 children or exclude her pals who are boys? Even then I would have to have 30 children including ones she doesn't like?
How is this inclusive? And why shouldn't she have her friends at her b/day party?

What happens if you want a party of 6-7 children rather than this obligatory 15 or 30?

Hula thanks for posting to make it clear that this mad bonkers idea is not the norm for private schools....