Page 2 | at my wit's end with ds1

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Original poster

oops · 02/05/2007 22:24

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imaginaryfriend · 02/05/2007 22:26

Me too!!!

(what was I thinking ...)

cazzybabs · 02/05/2007 22:29

UMMM I think the school have to hold his place open till the term he is 5 (legal school age) if this is what you want. They won't want do this because clearly they will lose money.

I would phone up your LEA and check. I know the LEA my mother works on does this (but keep it quiet because of the funding) and most people wish their child to start in Sept.

BTW he sounds delighful and I am sure he will fine at school.

Original poster

oops · 03/05/2007 17:20

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oops · 04/05/2007 00:51

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imaginaryfriend · 04/05/2007 10:18

oops, I so know what you mean. Dd is surrounded by girls mad on Disney princesses, Barbies and Brats. And she's not the least interested which I guess doesn't help at all. She loves animals, dinosaurs, bugs, books, volcanoes. All kinds of things really. But I can't see her finding a little friend at her current school to share her interests.

Are Steiner schools terribly expensive? What's the name of your ds' school? I'd be interested to look at its Ofsted and compare what they say generally with dd's.

mumeeee · 04/05/2007 11:14

A child does not have to start school until the term after they are 5. So if you don't think he will be ready for school this year you don't have to send him.
The only trouble with not sending him this year is that he would go striaght into year one and not reception.
But you could just meet up with other children of his age and do some stuff that they do at school. Reception children do a lot of learning through play.

Original poster

oops · 04/05/2007 15:23

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imaginaryfriend · 04/05/2007 23:10

Yes, do CAT me oops. Which area of London are you in? I'm in South East. Close to Tower Bridge.

Mumfun · 05/05/2007 15:19

Hi

Loads of sympathy Oops. In similar but of course bit different situation here with DS 3.5 years. He is happy to go to pre school but isnt doing well. And he doesnt have friends.

We have just been in for a session with the school where he has been placed on special needs register. This is for behaviour reasons. He has done some naughty things at the school and we are hands up over this and will work with them to improve him etc.

But the saddest thing from the meeting with them is that he hasnt got friends there. He seems to be not developing socially like others. He has got quite a lot of friends that we have met in playgroups etc since he was born. He always was popular as he is a kind social gentle child. But now noone really wants to be friends at preschool as he does thing to get their attention like making spitting noises which he thinks is funny and poking fingers towards them too close. He makes them uncomfortable. He is also targetting the girls for friends that are 6 months to a year older than him and it just doesnt work.

The thing really worrying me is that we are in London and a lot of friends have or are leaving to get out of London - a very close friend of his is leaving soon.

I had thought he would make new friends in nursery/preschool but no. So worried in the future he wont have many people to play with.

Sorry about writing so much but you arent alone in your concerns

hollyevielottie · 06/05/2007 19:17

Hi

I am so glad to see these messages. I have only just been pulled aside by my local playgroup manager about my oldest DD's behaviour. She is 3.8yrs old (she is also 4 in August) and she is a really lovely helpful girl at home, obviously a little bit naughty but what toddler isn't? If she is told "No" she will listen to me.

However at playgroup I have been told that she will either make spitting/raspberry noises at children who come up to her and try and play or will stick her tongue out at them and I am so stressed that this isn't normal behaviour. She has two little sisters at home and she says that she likes to be on her own. The manager said to me that she will play with the sinks near the loos as opposed to stay in the classroom with everyone else.

After reading several threads I have bought The Highly Sensitive Child and have had a bit of a read and I think she is an HSC. I'm just not sure how to explain this to playgroups and to school? I am just so glad that I'm not alone, I really worry that the big school will overwhelm her and I don't know what I can do to help her

Original poster

oops · 08/05/2007 13:28

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imaginaryfriend · 08/05/2007 13:31

He sounds rather like dd you know oops. She's quite a loner and definitely does not follow the crowd! She owns not one single pink piece of clothing and refuses to contemplate wearing pink, drawing with a pink pen, etc. etc. Dd also likes talking in small groups when the subject is interesting to her. It's not straightforward shyness is it?

BTW, dd scored 24 out of 25 on that test ...

Original poster

oops · 08/05/2007 15:21

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imaginaryfriend · 08/05/2007 17:33

It was shocking! So many things in the book have been, like dd's love of animals, babies and things which can't speak!

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oops · 08/05/2007 17:44

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imaginaryfriend · 08/05/2007 17:47

Does he watch Numberjacks ever? Dd is enchanted by them, although they do speak ...

Mine's sweet today too. Although she told me a sad story about playing outside by herself and two boys throwing a red hula hoop at her which hit her in the face and she had to run off so she didn't cry. And then she lost her 'little corner' where she 'always plays by herself' ... Sigh ...

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oops · 08/05/2007 17:52

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imaginaryfriend · 08/05/2007 20:52

oops, the group she's with now will be who she goes into Reception with in September. They're really not a bad bunch to be honest it's just that dd is so different. And I don't know if she's 'unhappy' as such ... I think it's more that she's not 'happy' there if that makes sense? She's not so miserable she refuses (ever!) to go but she never shows any enthusiasm about it either. I think she spends most of her time watching what other people are getting up to and not getting involved. As soon as she gets the confidence / wherewithall to get involved it will start to have meaning for her. But she's always taken an age to warm to people and places.

Original poster

oops · 09/05/2007 17:58

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imaginaryfriend · 09/05/2007 21:41

Is he just there part time at the moment, oops? Hey, you never emailed me to tell me the name of your school.

Dd was ok today I think, always hard to tell, but a little girl came up to me as we were leaving and said dd had been very kind and given her a snail shell she'd found. I asked dd later if she liked this girl and she said: 'yes, she's very nice and really quite clever but I don't play with her' so I said 'why not?' and she said 'I don't really know. I don't play with anybody' It's almost like she's just decided she's not a 'child' in the same way as the others, that playing with them just isn't even there as an option...

She's got a day off tomorrow as it's a staff training day so she's been very chirpy this evening!

starskeyandhutch · 17/05/2007 21:57

we had a lovely fantastic playdate today with one of the other boys at preschool.
he is a bit dreamy like ds1. they played with a magnetic ball thingy for ages,a nd ds1 showed his friend all of his "interesting" books- ie the informative vs story books, and the little boy actually got excited about them and got his mum to read them to him too

i know it is a small thing in our lives, but it doesn't really feel like that to me

and the mum is lovely too so was easy to have them round. we didn't need to talk to the kids for ages.. no fighting and no stropping

flightattendant · 30/05/2007 09:24

I don't know if it's any consolation but sometimes at 3 they aren't really ready to integrate fully with other kids...more with adults perhaps. Ds is just 4 last week and until very recently, he really found playing with other children hard going - he would follow around after the bigger kids at the swings, but at preschool he either talked to the teachers, or played 'near' the kids but would get very angry with them especially if they tried to take anything from him.

He's gradually overcoming this but it is taking some time. I think your children sound lovely and yes, sensitive...Ds too has no trouble with high level conversations, great vocabulary etc. but just not terribly interested in other kids his age.

I hope he finds a way to join in, if he wants to - three is so little. I don't think it's a question of it being a problem for life - I spoke to my friend last week after Ds had been told off for hitting another child at preschool, and she said her brother was banned from his preschool for being so raucous! He's now the gentlest adult you can imagine. They get it out of their systems I think plenty of time to adjust.

flightattendant · 30/05/2007 09:25

Meant to say I hope your Ds finds a way.

Original poster

oops · 05/07/2007 22:24

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