Very premature baby - how to welcome them?

[tatt]

OH thinks it insensitive to send congratulation card now, when his survival is not certain. I worry that if we don't it will look we don't think his arrival should be celebrated. Family don't want anyone to visit right now so can't see how they are taking it and react accordingly.

totally agree with all said, i had a v prem baby too. Food for the mum is lovely, someone bought me an M&S fruit salad, much apprecited. Another nice thing is a memrory bag, like a small shoebag. That way the mum can put little things, baby blanket etc in it and keep things together.

I had one and it was very precious to me. How is the baby doing now? xx

Yes definitely a normal welcome to the world card. Speaking as a touch and goer in the first few days prem parent. If the worst came to the worst it gives them something nice to add to their memories box.

How about a lovely hard back notebook, your friend can then use it as a journal - to write down her thoughts, messages to baby etc - during her sons journey in NICU. I looked after a little baby who was one of twins (the other twin sadly died) but they were born extremely prematurely too like 24/25 weeks. It had photos of baby in - 1st cuddles, 1st milk, messages from nurses, family, friends...kinda like a memory book for the long tough journey he/she been through - and nice for your friend to look back on to see how far they came etc?

I found it odd having cards and balloons, but I think that was because I had problems over her birth (had a GA) and because I'd lost one before I was a bit numb and hadn't accepted I had her.

Thinking of you cards are nice, as long as they don't look like they're offering sympathy! Flowers, chocolates, magazines etc, anything for mum because she will probably be feeling a little neglected at the moment.

My sister bought me some PJ's, size up and loose waist so that they were comfortable (still my favs now!) and got a toy for Tink so she wasn't alone (she did the same for my first daughter too). Mum took my shopping list (nursing bras, shells, breast pads) of things I needed and didn't have and did a lot of shopping for me, that was a big help.

The ward I was on got rather mean over meals (they were a bit put out that there were 7 NNU mums on the ward) and I ended up going hungry when all care/ nappy change clashed with my meals, so I ended up living on coke and mars bars. I appreciated anyone getting food for me because it was something proper to eat. It is mostly important to keep up calories, which was why I lived on that.

he's continuing to make progress. Mum is out of hospital now (part-time anyway), has been able to change his nappy and older brother has been to see him . Thanks for all the suggestions, they were all appreciated.

We made cards in the end.

I had no cards or balloons when my prem DS entered the world. Made me feel really down - esp as all the other mothers on the ward had their baby with them and not in SCBU. Even now just the memory of it makes me tearful.

I understand why people are scared of doing the wrong thing. But not to welcome the little person into the world feels really wrong.

matalot If you can't take your card/gift but have to send it you worry about what may happen between dispatch and arrival. So a text is fine but people are nervous a card/gift may arrive at a bad time. I'm sorry you felt left out, people just don't know how to respond and that's why mumsnet is so useful .

Anyway we'll be getting a present (probably very small clothes, maybe a book) - as soon as we can and sending or taking that. Local shops haven't anything suitable unfortunately.

please send a card
my little 2lb boy is 3 weeks old and i was so incredibly offended when a couple of people have said to me they havent got anything as they thought it a little presumptious or premature !
luckily most people have bought cards and pressies so the few that haven't i can ignore the meaning behind it!

My little 2lb girl is nearly 3 years old.

We were swamped with cards and goodies when she was born and it was lovely. You can get clothes for 1lb and 2lb babies, we had a lovely little dress with pink stars on it, that I still look at in wonder.

I'm with lou222 - please send a card, afterall their baby is here.

I agree with everyone who says get a card/gift. My DS wasn't so prem at 34 +2 but he was very sick and it was touch and go whether he lived or if he did would be severely brain damaged. It was nice of people to be sensitive and think of what was the right thing to do but we had very few congratulations because everyone was worried he would die. I just wanted to feel like a normal mum for five minutes and would have loved DS to be welcomed into the world by everyone. (he is fine now btw).

we bought some clothes from www.tinybabyandco.com/

They didn't manage to send them to the right address (came to us instead of direct to the parents) but haing poppers all around seemed like a good idea.

DD was 28 weeks and I HATED every single card I got. I can't see what there is to be congratulated on when you don't know whether it will live or die. If she hadn't made it I would never have wanted to be reminded of her.

Its amazing how people opinions differ so much.

We knew Ds was going to be early and his survival was touch and go, after he arrived no-one sent cards for a few weeks, no family said well done or congratultions as i think everyone expected him to die and it made me feel in my horonal haze thst no-one though he was worth celebrating.. i found it quite hurtfull.

definatly send cards

This website sells lovely cards especially designed to be appropriate for a premature baby, with images and messages that are very sweet and contemporary.

They've included examples of messages you might write inside the card that are sensitive to parents with a baby in the NICU.

I hope this helps.

www.little-mouse.co.uk/blogs/news/what-to-write-in-premature-baby-card