stupid and scared

[christmas1989]

I don't know what to do and can't talk to anyone in real life. I have a 5 year old daughter and I am pregnant again. My daughter was from a drunken one night stand. She is the best thing that's ever happened to me and we are very close. My family were very upset at the time as they are very strict and we're very embarrassed of me. I have been seeing someone only for a couple of months, I haven't introduced him to my daughter and wasn't planning to for a very long time. We used protection but I have just found out I'm pregnant. I can't face the crippling embarrassment of telling my family it's happened again. I am scared also that I don't really know the dad very well, I don't know how he will react, what his family are like. My daughters dad wasn't interested but I have managed well on my own. I'm scared and don't know what to do

[christmas1989]

Thank you for your replies, I will arrange counselling and think things through more.

[Justanothernameonthepage]

Please take care and be kind to yourself, whatever you decide.

[toomuchtooold]

Like others, I'm reading this and thinking you don't have a pregnancy problem, you have a mother problem. The decision about whether to go ahead with the pregnancy is one that you should be allowed to make with your own feelings and your DDs in mind and noone else's. It sounds like you have come to a conclusion that you are happy with regarding the pregnancy but your ongoing problem is with low self esteem, probably because of the way your mother treats you, and it sounds like that has had an impact on your relationship with this new bloke. To be blunt, if you're going out with someone and you think you're not good enough for them then something is wrong. Either he's giving you that impression, in which case, he's not a good guy. Or he actually really likes you and considers you equals, and it's your low self esteem that blinds you to that. Either way, it needs to change.

Please come and visit us on Stately Homes where we all have similar issues with parents, we'd be very happy to listen and can recommend you some resources to start working on your self esteem.

[LornaMumsnet]

We're moving this to pregnancy choices at the OP's request.

for you, OP. We hope you continue to get the support and advice you're looking for.

[Italiangreyhound]

christmas I hope all is OK. Can you explain why you think your boyfriend will be difficult or will not be supportive?

[christmas1989]

I think its because he is only wanting nothing serious and I don't know him well enough, its more my own fears than him.

[Italiangreyhound]

Christmas if he doesn't want anything serious then he may well not want much to do with the child, however, he may be willing to support his child financially. What does the father of your dd do? Does he have no input at all, not even financial?

I can imagine it must be very scary.

Remember your boyfriend doesn't have the right to push you into not having the child.

Nor has he have the right to take over.

You may hope for him not to be too involved and if he doesn't want to be involved then this may suit you both. If you do not want him to be involved and he does want to be involved then as the dad he would have some rights, but I think you would need to work out what worked. (Sorry over use of the word involved!)

Maybe someone else can advise on that. I've not had that experience.

My only concern is that at some point you need to really put yourself first and do what you feel is right for you. I've no idea what that is in this situation. You started this when you chose to have your dd and face your mum's wrath. Well done.

So carry that on, and I think you need to decide what you want, your needs seems to be pushed down below the needs or desires of this man you hardly know; your mum and wider family, who treat you very badly; and even your dd, and although as a mum I know we always try and put our kids first but the decision to have another baby, or not, is not normally one left to the decision making of a five-year-old.

I really hope you can access some counselling to enable you to feel at peace with whatever you decide.

[Motoko]

I know we always try and put our kids first but the decision to have another baby, or not, is not normally one left to the decision making of a five-year-old.

I agree, and earlier in the thread you said your DD would be thrilled to have a sibling.

I'm concerned you're making this decision for all the wrong reasons, and giving other people too much consideration, especially your mother who has treated you appallingly, you should give her no consideration at all.