how are people coping being pregnant at under 20

[Rachael17]

hello is anybody under 20 an pregnant. what kind of support are you getting????

I had my dd (now 11 months and 3 weeks - ahhh where has the time gone) when I was 23 (older than you), but I still felt much younger than everyone else at parent classes and I felt everyone looked down at me and to top it all off I had only been with my bf for 3 months, but we are still togther. I had a really easy birth and I think being young helps...the only downside is having no money to go clothes shopping or going out like all my friends - but I do have a beautiful daughter who laughs at me!

Ditto Cazzybabs - I was 23 when I had ds. I did feel very young. I had to stay in Hospital off and on for the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy and I felt SOOOO patronised by the 'older' mums-to-be!!! Even if it was their first too, they still felt the need to tell me where I was going wrong and make out that I just had no idea how painful it was going to be. Then a 17 year was admitted and they left me alone!!!

Rachael and Kirby - congrats and good luck to you both. At 34 I still felt too young for what was a surprise pregnancy for me too. And nothing at all can prpeare you for it, whatever age you are. I felt very sad in hospital after dd born, as there were some young mums who were really bullied by the nasty hospital midwives and not given the help and support they needed. All three gave up breastfeeding after trying hard for a few days, which I thought was a real shame. It took me weeks to really get the hang of it, but I had great support. Of course some of the hospital midwives were fantastic and the midwives from my general practice who visited every day were just brilliant, but a few were just unhelpful and insensitive. I hope you have experienced friends / mums who will help you with all the practical stuff ... even that first nappy can be a scary thing !

thanx so much and thank you all for your help! i dont feel to young i feel ready, and know this baby will be loved and looked after by both of us! xxx

The only thing that makes motherhood more difficult for younger mothers is your financial situation and terrible, tutting midwifes and health visitors, lets hope you get a good one. I would just like to add for the record that yesterday i had a normal conversation with two 30 year old mothers. This was the first time I have ever felt comfortable talking to older mothers, I wonder perhaps if I look older, or perhaps I've become more relaxed and approachable, or maybe it was that blue top I was wearing...... its made me realise that I held alot of prejudice and anger towards older mothers from a few awful experiences and really its only hindered my own chances of friendships. Maybe I 'm ready for mothers and toddlers, no not quite ready for that level of intense awkwardness yet.

How old are you Bekki? You 'sound' more mature than me! I'm 25 and I had ds when I was 23. I know I don't fit in with this thread, but even at 23 I felt that prejudice!! Especially when I wasn't married either... SHOCK HORROR GASP!

Most of the midwives had a real prehistoric attitude and my stay in hospital for a couple of weeks before his birth was made terible by a group of patronising older Mums!!!! GRRRRRRRRRR!

Finances must be a terrible worry having children so young! I was lucky as I had graduated and both dp and I had fulltime jobs, but we still struggle to pay the mortgage.

Good luck you lot!

Hi all, not heard from you for a couple of days Mum2Toby. Kirby where are you chuck??? I agree with you all! The only thing to knock a mothers own confidence is these know it all Midwives and health visitors! Don't let them bully you - you young Mums. You are this baby's Mummy and YOU know what is best for YOUR baby!

I found they all contradicted each other any way based on their own experiences and opinions! You have got your very own little support network right here on Mumset!
I SO wish Mumsnet was around when I had my daughter over 2 years ago. I was very isolated and had no friends or family in our new area.(ok I know violins out!). I basically fell apart and this would have lept me going no problem!!!

'lept me going'!!!!! I think I meant kept me going!! Or maybe I did mean lept!!!!

heya im back.
had my first midwife appointment the other day was suprised at how much they check in your blood its quite scary really cos they check for hiv an everythin.
hey to kirby hope ur coping alrite. how are your parents reacting mine are bein supportive yet bossy an controllin.
on the whole i dont think im doing to badly i jus really need to get a job asap as im outta work at the mo

bein attacked by my 8 week old kitten at the mo he's climbin on my shoulder eatin my hair

One of my friends had an unplanned baby at 17 about 10 years ago. She then was fantastically successful at university and at work and has got a great job, however, did not have any more kids. She always says having a baby is really easy when you are under 20 for some biological reason, labour is very quick and easy.

out of practise
thank u so much for sayin that labour is easier under 20 im so scared about givin birth it doesnt seem possible
it all sounds so grusome wat with epistomies and forceps im terrified

You're young, fit and healthy - you'll be fine, have some confidence in yourself! I was the worlds biggest chicken and did it on gas and air! You'll feel such a massive sense of achievement and proud of being your baby's Mum. Knowledge is power, keep in touch with Mumsnet and ask your questions. People with similar experiences will be able to help you!
take care
xxxx

Rachael17, just walk in that labour ward and announce "Epidural..NOW!!!" Otherwise they'll make you sweat it out till you beg.