Declining antenatal care

[Casuallydresseddeepinconversation]

I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

The checks are there for a reason. You might be ok. Your baby might be ok. But you might also be endangering both of your wellbeing and possibly lives. Things do go wrong sadly more than people realise and that’s why these checks are there. Having had 2 straightforward pregnancies is not the guarantee of a third (I have had 3 and each has been different). Asking randoms on mumsnet is quite a bizarre substitution for professional medical advice. Not having any set maternity care in place is negligence. There must be other issues at play that you need to deal with, be it past trauma or something else

This is not a sensible response. It is every woman's right to decline antenatal care. I don't personally believe it's a good option, but it is her right and social services will not consider it negligent.

Trying to bully someone into care isn't a great way of getting them to engage.

Thank you for this!

My DD would be dead (and maybe even me) if I hadn't have had a routine midwife check up! It really is that simple.

My BP was through the roof, I had no idea. She got two other machines to check it as it was quite unbelievable. I was sent to the hospital immediately (and told I must not drive there). I remained in hospital on medication until my very tiny baby was born (they managed to keep her in for about another 10 days before doing an emergency section as my organs were failing). I had severe pre-eclampsia and would never have known. Second pregnancy, no issues in the first.

Also bare in mind that very few of the private scan places offer medical scans, they are purely to look at your baby, they dont check anything medical.

I do not have the same.medical history as you and I don't appreciate being called stupid, unnecessary

Even if you have been classed as needing obstetric led care, you can still argue your case, especially as it relates to a prior surgery. You may find a sympathetic consultant, or if the first one you come across isn't sympathetic, you can ask to change to a different consultant.
If you are avoiding the checks as a way to avoid having your birth over medicalized and feeling forced to give birth on a delivery ward, they are very reasonable concerns. The routine use of induction, which a lot of parents are frightened into is not always medically indicated. Dr Sarah Wickham has written extensively on this.
I would check out Sarah Wickham's website, Evidence Based Birth and Midwife Thinking are all great resources.
Engaging with antenatal care is seen by most as essential. If you wish to change to midwife led care, it will most probably help.

I'm intending on having an anatomy/anomly scan

OP, what happened at your first scan must have left you traumatised, if you are considering refusing anti-natal care. Have you considered discussing the incident with the hospital or your GP?

If you are looking to make an informed decision, please bear in mind that two healthy pregnancies and a first scan that showed nothing wrong do not guarantee the rest of your pregnancy would be straightforward. It may well be, hopefully, but there are no guarantees. Posters have given multiple examples of feeling well and finding out issues at routine appointments - for both mothers and babies. These routine appointments exist for precisely this reason, to detect possible problems early and inform necessary steps.

Sometimes there are no warning signs. Things can happen at any point in time.

Please don't be complacent in making the decision for you and your baby.

You're barking. This is neglect of at best yourself and at worst your baby. Anything could be wrong, and you neither want to, nor care to check.

I've spoken to the matron today and had the same conversation as with the midwife last week

@Casuallydresseddeepinconversation there will be almost no one, or no one at all, who has made a conscious informed decision to opt out of antenatal care without replacing it with private care. That's because it is unnecessarily risky for your unborn child, as I think you probably know.

Can you explain what has happened in your previous appointments that has made you consider this course of action?

It is fantastically naive (or ignorant) of you to assume that because you’ve got to the 20 week mark that you can make it the rest of the way. Anomalies are mostly picked up at a 20 week scan and most other conditions are picked up in the third trimester. Two previously healthy pregnancies does not automatically equal a third. Especially when there is a big age gap between your first and second pregnancies and your second and third pregnancies are occurring in quick succession at an advanced maternal age.

You might not have factors that increase your likelihood of gestational diabetes or pre-eclampsia but these are not wholly lifestyle related. They occur as a result of the placenta. GD is a hormone response allowing the placenta to allow too much glucose to pass through the placenta. Preeclampsia is thought to happen due to the placenta not forming properly. Both have pretty drastic outcomes for you and baby if undiagnosed. It isn’t just this baby you need to think of - you need to think of yourself and your two existing children, a young teen and a toddler who both still need their mum. It’s not about you feeling fine. It’s about midwives doing their best to ensure you are fine so your two kids don’t lose their mother and sibling because you had a stroke giving birth.

It seems like you have taken it personally that you are a high risk pregnancy, even though you are 40 and that is high risk. It doesn’t have to impact your birthing choices, if everything continues with no complications, but if there are complications then your team can make sure they are aware of facts and try to give you the best care to hopefully get the best outcome for you, your baby and your two existing children. I’ve known two women have a late loss or NICU death in the last year, both younger than you and both second pregnancies after a normal first pregnancy. I wouldn’t be taking any chances.

Well you’re very wrong OP but I’m not going to join the pile on.

Just wanted to add an FYI that private scans are conducted by the same sonographers and radiographers as the ones conducting NHS ones and they are exactly the same scan. The only difference is the room you’ll be in.

With all due respect the feelings of the midwife who.did my booking appt isn't my responsibility or high on my list of concerns

@Casuallydresseddeepinconversation as others have said, gestational diabetes, urine infections, pre eclampsia etc can all not have symptoms until it’s too late. Don’t use a home Doppler to reassure yourself, but if you refuse all antenatal care please at least check your own Bp at home and get help of it goes up. It sounds like there is a reason behind not wanting nhs care, there are alternative and extra support clinics if you ask your midwife.

It sounds like you're wanting to be difficult for the sake of it. For "body autonomy".

Went to an appointment with midwife 35 weeks had no symptoms found out had high blood pressure, protein in urine. I was sent straight to the hospital had pre eclamcia had to have emergency c section.

But y’know, if you wanna take on doing the most dangerous thing a woman can do in her life time with no support, that’s on you and you alone.

In total fairness to the OP, there have been a number of recent investigations / reports (including the Ockenden Report) which have highlghted that women have been treated appallingly by midwives and maternity services across the UK. I appreciate that there there are many dedicated, wonderful midwives out there (and the heartwarming stories on this thread are testament to that) but there are also some awful, uncaring midwives, and the OP has clearly had an unpleasant experience in this pregnancy already.

I've spoken with the maternity matron today

I had fantastic care in all my pregnancies. And when I gave birth. Can't fault any of it.

As a retired NHS clinician, I heartily agree with you. Its one thing to protect staff from abuse and another to think or suggest that a clinician's feelings trump those of a patient.

From someone who has invested many years, many ££s and many, many emotions trying desperately to become pregnant - your post makes me want to throw my teeth at you.

I would attend every single damn appointment offered to me in your position and would give the world to be able to do so. It seems you are more concerned about YOU than your unborn baby. You say you are healthy, but how can you = possibly know that the same applies to the life you are carrying?

What happens if you run into trouble during labour? I presume you will decline NHS treatment because you don't agree with it?

The only person I have known opt out had major mental health issues and a drug habit.
There were safeguarding concerns over the baby( rightly so) and she was sectioned.

You can decide to opt out op but why would you risk it? I had pre eclampsia which was picked up early on routine screening at an antenatal appointment. I had protein in my urine and my bp was high.....I felt fine. I'm so glad it could be managed and didn't become an emergancy life threatening situation. They don't test your pee and blood pressure for the fun of it.....routine appointments save lives.

Wow what a disgusting comment, both my children are happy healthy and thriving