scared of labour

[shortiemum]

can anyone tell me what the natural level of fear about labour is.i cant sleep at night worrying about it and i have started having panic attacks.am i going crazy??

You are not going crazy. It?s human nature to be scared of pain and of the unknown.
In my experience by the end of my preg I was so excited about meeting my ds that when I woke up in the night having contractions I just felt so excited. My labour was quite long (24hours) and yes it hurt and yes it was really hard work, but I look back on that day and I wouldn?t change a thing. It wasn?t very painful all the way through, for the most part it was completely bearable and it was only really the very end when I really thought ?ouch?. Spent most of the day chatting to dh and doing a crossword puzzle. Also the midwife was so nice, kept making us drinks and snacks. I remember thinking it was a bit like being in a hotel with room service!
Have you spoken to your midwife about your concerns? I?m sure she has heard the same from many women before you. Also have a look around the place where you are planning to give birth and ask them to explain their procedures.
There is no way your midwife will be shocked/judgemental about you having a baby at 20, because there is absolutely nothing wrong or unusual about that.
I know this is easier said than done but do try to look forward to and enjoy your labour, it is YOUR day and I hope you feel very special and important about bringing a new life into the world

Shortiemum, I have no time to read this whole thread but I wanted to say this: I have had four children and worried about labour for each and every one. If you are not good with pain (as I am not) then the labour will likely be painful (no point saying otherwise) but you have to remember a couple of things:

1. don't spend nine months worrying about something that will last a few hours max. It is not worth that much worry.
2. unlike any other painful situation, you get something really worthwhile at the end - a baby - and believe me, that does make any amount of pain worthwhile.
3. you forget the pain very very quickly and it is not so bad that you don't go through it all again. Most people have more than one child, so the pain can't be so bad, can it?

Hope some or all of that helps you. Final resort: scream as loud as you can and get as much pain felief as you can!!! Good luck.

Have an epidural if you are scared of the pain. I had one and half an hour later had fallen saound asleep in full active labour!!

The midwife woke me up when it was time to push, it's like having a very big poo, but the epidural really does stop the pain.

shortiemum , I have a friend who wasn't worried about giving birth. She hardly went to any antenatal classes, had a 5 hours labour with just gas and air and did not felt anything worse than period pains ...
I was scared like hell of the labour and was wondering how on earth I will cope. I am French and there, about 80% of women give birth with an epidural against about 10% over here. So my question was : How on earth can you cope without an epidural ??
So I finally settled on a very sipmle birth plan : if the pain is getting too bad, I will have an epidural. I checked that was OK (I have back problem and was worried that I couldn't have one ...) and relied on that possibility like a life jacket.
I am pregnant again and this time I am trying to use other methods like Yoga and hypnotherapy just to feel a bit more in control. But in any case, whatever the question or the worry, I am always asking the MW for more information, advice etc ... I find that I have a better idea of what COULD happen and so I am not as worried or I am not worrying about things that are actually normal or not that significant.
So I kept asking questions like :
How can you differenciate Barkston kick and real contractions ,
when can I go to the hospital,
Is it OK to go to the hospital and find out that labour has hardly started
Can I take my own food with me during labour ?
Whatever the question, just ask !

Labour is different from other painful physical conditions, because you do get gaps between the contractions, when you feel fine. OK, by the end the gaps are pretty short, but I found the brief respite made it just about manageable.

Also, what people experience as pain is hugely variable. dd1 was born by ventouse (long-drawn out labour, baby facing the wrong way, blah, blah) but I had an epidural and so had no actual pain at all. Four years later I pushed out 10lb ds in a 8 minute 2nd stage with no time for any pain relief at all. It hurt like f**k, but was over very quickly, and I felt fine almost immediately afterwards.

If I could have put in an order for my 3rd labour I'd have chosen the second model every time, even though there was far more actual pain involved. Does that make sense?

What other people have said about suddenly wanting the baby out at about 37 weeks is absolutely right. There comes a point were pretty much anything seems preferable to being pregnant another minute. With 10 weeks to go, you're close enough to labour for it to seem scary, but not close enough for the "Whatever it takes to get this baby out is fine by me" stage.

good luck!

here's a thread about it there might be something helpful there. Sympathy.

Many good points here - I can only say that I found it amazing what my body could do - it knew what to do and had more resources to cope than I thought. My 2 labours were the most wonderful and fantastic positive experiences I have ever had - not just the baby afterwards, but the labours too.
Also as newgirl says, that moment of meeting this brand new person is absolutely mind blowing. Especially the first birth - it is very special as it is a transition to another phase of life.

Hi Shortie,

I'm 31wks pregnant at the mo and also suffer from panic attacks. I just think thousands of women go through labour every day and they are fine. I know it's going to be painful but at the same time I know what's causing the pain, what I can do to limit it (drugs!) and it won't last forever. Remember you will come out the other end and there will be people around to help and support you through it. Try and breathe slowly when having a panic attack, I use bach rescue rememdy which is safe in pregnancy and it really helps me!

Haven't read all the threads so I hope I'm not repeating, but... I too could not believe that a woman was capable of 'passing' a baby. I too was shit scared of it, but luckily, I had a dreadfully vomity pregnancy and when my waters broke, I was calm cos there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

For few people is it as bad as they perceive it'll be.

We're programmed to think that all pain is bad and must be eradicated, but don't be scared about whatever pain you're in. It's normal and there's nothing wrong. Keep your mind open about pain relief, and keep your legs open too!... Unless you're having a section then I wouldn't recommend keeping your legs open.

hi shortie

it's totally understandable to be scared, but if you can put it in proportion it will help. afterall, your gran managed it, your mum did it and if you have a daughter, no doubt she'll do the same.

i didn't have a chance to get really nervous because my DS arrived three weeks early taking me by surprise, but i'm sure i would have been terrified otherwise.

labour is painful, but it was a lot better than i thought it would be (honest!). contractions come and go and for most of the time, they are very manageable - after mine had been going for a few hours i had friends round for breakfast and managed to keep a conversation going with the occasional pause!

you will be ASTOUNDED at what your body is capable of doing, both during and after the birth and as you are only 20, you've got a big advantage.

definitely do some antenatal classes because after i'd done mine i felt SO much calmer about the whole thing. as everyone has said here, if it gets too much, have the epidural! i managed my labout using a TENS machine and gas and air, but i told everyone i would have the epidural if i needed it.

good luck, you'll be fine. i was so happy when my son was born it makes me weep to think about it even now!

I dont have much time just now so haven't read everyone's postings Shortiemum but just to say that I have been in a similar position as you (I'm now 33 weeks pg with No 2) and I have been taking Boots Homeopathic remedy for Insomnia (on the advice of my GP).
I'm now sleeping so much better.
You can also take Coffea on it's own but you'll need a specialist health shop to supply it. The Boots remedy has some Coffea in it along with some other remedies and is perfectly safe during pregnancy.

You'll be fine. You have already decided to do something about your fears right here - which is a big step.. Joining a midwife led group with seven other girls was my best experience of pregnancy - we all still see each other 2 years on (I've heard that NCT is good, but I just went along to one at my local GPs). Everybody's labour was different, but we all got through it, and don't think about it now.