How bad is Formula?

[orangeguy]

I'm unable to breast feed. How bad is formula?

All of my three DDs were exclusively formula fed. All now healthy young adults in their twenties.

Formula is perfectly fine. I didn't want to breastfeed, so I didn't. In fact, my only regret about breastfeeding is that I ever allowed the midwives to persuade me to try it with DD1. I lasted 3 or 4 days, and it was hell. I switched back to my original plan to formula feed and never looked back.

I always was under the impression it was easy and those women on social media breast feeding are "so brave". When really it's hard, it's tiring and it's sometimes not going to work either due to mother's body or because as a family it's decided it's best not to do it. Life isn't straight forward. Great for those who can do it, I'm envious.

I couldn’t breastfeed after 3 months as I caught an infection - I had issues with latching too. Formula did the job. Plus my DD was a “hungry” baby and so I combo fed for a while.

I was glad when I could introduce solids though at around 6 months.

@orangeguy same. It never occurred to me that I wouldn't breastfeed my child, until I found I couldn't.

I also remember taking my son to a hospital appointment and in the waiting room, feeling that I would be judged when I got his bottle out to feed him. I'm sure some women would also feel embarrassed to breastfeed their child in a hospital waiting room. We can't win.

I always was under the impression it was easy and those women on social media breast feeding are "so brave".

It's not easy, but it's not brave. It's hard at the beginning and that's where you're at.
Once established, you'll be more likely glad you stuck with it, than not.
It is worthwhile for many reasons, for both you and your baby, which are definitely not exaggerated or over advertised - nobody is making money out of it.

If the benefits are not over advertised then the messaging should change, so as to prevent women who can't breastfeed or choose not to feel like failures.

@ludocris Less than 20% babies in the country are bf after the initial 3 months (quick google tells me).
The guilt inducing messaging on an NHS poster is quickly countered by a midwife telling you to 'top up' on day one and everyone you know telling you they ff'ed.

I chose formula for my baby because I had no desire to breastfeed. He has no issues whatsoever: height and weight are fine, wasn't slow on any milestones. Anecdotally he's unwell a lot less than most babies I know who were breastfed. We have no lack of connection and it was great for my husband to share that bonding time equally. I don't regret my choice at all.

(Turns out my milk never came in anyway so it was a moot point. Oh the hours I wasted researching in advance how to dry up milk asap)

If that happens @jersydress then by the time it does, it's too late, you're already convinced that your child is going to be at numerous disadvantages if they're not breastfed. In the confusion of a newborn, someone saying 'oh it's fine, just formula feed' is going to make you feel like you're taking the easy way out and not trying hard enough for your baby and that causes guilt.

I don't suggest the benefits of breastfeeding shouldn't be promoted, not for a moment. Not everyone has the benefit of education and/or a supportive community around them who can ensure they know the numerous advantages. But this concept that only breast feeding women are brave, earth mothers raising intelligent, healthy warriors can cause unnecessary guilt when it doesn't happen for you.

Bringing life into this world is brave! It is shocking how much people want to dictate what you can/can’t or shouldn’t/should do after you have a baby when every single baby and mother is so different.

Formula was created for a reason. I like BF because it’s free! But BF didn’t work out for me and the most important thing is a fed baby and I was fortunate to have family that didn’t stigmatise me when I had to switch to formula.

But this concept that only breast feeding women are brave, earth mothers raising intelligent, healthy warriors can cause unnecessary guilt

I already replied to OP that bb is not something brave. Not sure you read my post right.

And I find your words confusing- you felt guilty for not being an 'earth mother' and not growing a 'warrior'?!
You clearly see bf as some hippy thing to do. Sorry it hasn't worked for you but may be not mock it.

I wasn't talking about anything you've said.

I think breastfeeding is a perfectly normal and natural thing to do. The earth mother and warrior terms I used refer to the paradigm created by a lot of the imagery and narrative around breastfeeding these days. If I could have breastfed I would have. I couldn't. And I felt very bad about that. That's the whole point of my comments!

I found bf very hard first time, op. By about 2-3 months it wasn't hard any more, and it wasn't hard at all with dc2.

I guess the people who say bf is easy may be referring to that bit. I think it's quite typical to find it hard at first then it becomes just normal and easy.

I bf past a year for both kids and that's not unusual in the lefty circles I mix in, but apparently it's unusual on a national level.

It's the hormones, it makes us feel really obsessive over things. For example I was lucky enough to breastfeed my first child without any problems. I had to give formula top ups to my second and I hated it. Then I made peace with it. Then when he started to drink enough that it made sense to swap to powder rather than the pre made stuff I got really obsessive over following the guidelines to make it to the exact letter, until someone pointed out that the guidelines are written for every single person, from the cleverest to the most stupid, to follow and that it would be OK if we didn't get it perfectly right every single time. They were right. But postpartum I could not see that because I was very fixated on things being exactly right for my baby.

There is a very good book on mixed feeding by Lucy Ruddle called Mixed Up. I would recommend it :) She also has a book about increasing supply, called Relactation.

Formula is necessary and it's great that we have access to it. Breastfeeding is also good. I don't think it's as simple as one being miles better than the other or them being exactly equivalent; neither of these are true. I tend to think that as much breastmilk as you can easily give is brilliant. It just makes your life easier and it's nice. When breastfeeding is causing a massive amount of stress or distress in the mum, the difference is probably not worth it. OTOH if you want to breastfeed then it is worth doing what you need to do whether that is paying for support etc to keep going. I think it's a huge shame that the front line support for BF is not very good in the UK.

My two DC were bottle fed from birth.

first because I really struggled and in those days help wasn’t as good as now and then I got PND

second I was on lots of meds that could pass through breast milk plus wanted to limit the chance of anything triggering another episode of PND

both kids extremely healthy

I formula fed both of mine. They are amazing beautiful intelligent resilient children.
Now I know "breast is best" I mean of course it is, it's literally designed to feed a baby human, BUT formula milk also feeds baby humans. Is there any difference that's actually obvious when you stand 2 kids who were fed differently next to each other? No. Only on a population level is there any differences, but it's not enough to stress yourself over, absolutely formula feed your baby if that what works for you...It did me!

Formula is great, please don't worry about it! DS was mixed-fed, DD exclusively formula-fed, I just didn't have milk (yes, that does happen, regardless of the NCT-BS that 'everyone can breastfeed' 🙄). No problems whatsoever.
You can buy it ready made, but it's more expensive, but it's an option.
Best thing was that DH could do any of the feeds

@BertieBotts I'm obsessing over making it to the label :(

I worked for a very very famous milk/formula brand and the dietitians were always upfront. Breast milk is beat and Formula can only try - fail to compete. They stated that Formula is linked to higher incidence of obesity and type 2 Diabetes in children later in life aswell as tooth decay. And that is what they know now. What will they discover later on?

If it is needed then what can you do. But given the chance and avilable use breast milk. Even from donors. It is better.

I wouldn't assume you can't breastfeed until you have seen a qualified Lactation Consultant post partum.
The women who can't nurse for medical reasons is very small. Most women can but dont have access to proper Lactation Consultants.
Your Dr, OB, Midwife, HV are not trained or suitable to advise you and diagnose you.
Most NHS Trusts have a IBCLC available post partum.

Correlation or causation?

The easiest way to feed is baby on the bed and me laying next to him. I need to actually see people. Hope it's not too late :(

Are you still under the care of the midwife/labour ward? Please speak to your midwife about your worries. They are very good. Their breastfeeding advice can be variable but I tend to find midwives are much better than health visitors or GPs (on average).

You do not necessarily need a lactation consultant but it is a good idea to get real life support from someone with a lot of experience supporting breastfeeding mothers.

I also started out feeding lying down. Being able to do it in one position is totally normal at this stage :)

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