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Original poster

three last names between two of us - what should be call our baby?

86 replies

Misha1998 · 25/01/2023 00:25

My partner has two last names (not hyphenated) as he has split parents, and I have one last name. We are due our first baby in May, and we are not married and don't plan to!

To use all 3 surnames for the baby would be excessive and pass a problem onto her too when she has kids. How can we solve this problem??!

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Findyourneutralspace · 25/01/2023 00:28

If you aren’t married I’d give the child your name, unless you are planning on getting married - in which case go with your family name, whatever that will be. I’d want a firm commitment for marriage first though.

Eyerollcentral · 25/01/2023 00:34

As above if you aren’t married then your name. Why don’t you plan to get married/civil partnered?

Sugarfree23 · 25/01/2023 00:51

Your name.
If you plan to marry DH can change to yours avoids him choosing and offending either of his parents.

thisismynewface · 25/01/2023 10:25

Your name.

Your not married and even if you were there's a good chance you would be doing the bulk of the parenting.

Lots of fathers aren't around the whole of their children's childhood, whereas most mothers are.

SpinningFloppa · 25/01/2023 10:31

It’s a no brainer, you give yours, no you don’t give 3 surnames 🤦🏻

scarecrow22 · 25/01/2023 10:47

Why not your name and he can choose one of his parent's names? If he can't decide, how about subverting the normal father tradition and use his mum's name too.

LaLuz7 · 25/01/2023 10:49

Your name obviously.

If he wants baby to have his surname, he can marry you.

I hope you have your finances in order and plan on returning to work.

scarecrow22 · 25/01/2023 10:49

For me, the marriage is not important: far more significant is that you are committing to raising a child together.

LaLuz7 · 25/01/2023 10:56

scarecrow22 · 25/01/2023 10:49

For me, the marriage is not important: far more significant is that you are committing to raising a child together.

He is commiting to the baby, not to her.

Marriage would be a legal commitment to share finances with her. So that she is not left with nothing 10 years down the road, having sacrificed her career and her pension to raise his kids.

LegoGoldenDragon · 25/01/2023 10:57

If he doesn't have a hyphen I would use one of his and your surname and hyphenate. The other can be a middle name. I am not married to dp and we gave the kids both of our surnames, but we did only have one each to begin with.

Agree with pp to make sure you are staying financially independent and working. So many stories on here of stay at home mums that suddenly find they are financially screwed. Even if you think that all your money will be going to childcare, there is still building up a pension and staying at a career level to think of.

TwoBlueFish · 25/01/2023 10:59

You could choose a brand new surname that your and your DP both change to by deed pole and give that name to the baby. My friends did this, they later married do now all have the same last name and legal protection

you could give the baby your name. My preference and what I did. We are also now married, I didn’t change my name.

CastleTower · 25/01/2023 11:00

I'd go with your name, or choose one of his to include as a middle name.

KangarooKenny · 25/01/2023 11:10

Give baby your surname. Easy.

Aposterhasnoname · 25/01/2023 11:10

scarecrow22 · 25/01/2023 10:49

For me, the marriage is not important: far more significant is that you are committing to raising a child together.

Lol. It may be a significant commitment to you, but ten minutes on these boards should tell you that it’s most certainly not to some men.

scarecrow22 · 25/01/2023 11:11

@LaLuz7

It is the baby's name though, not OP's.
Also, I have read nothing to suggest that it is only the father that does not want to marry: perhaps it is OP or both of them. Either way, she has decided (presumably of her own free will) to have a baby with him, unmarried.

I'm not judging her at all. I didn't want to marry and DP did.

LaLuz7 · 25/01/2023 11:27

@scarecrow22 it's tradition for babies of unmarried women to take their surname.

Viviennemary · 25/01/2023 11:30

Either go with ypur name or your dH's last name. Not three surnames. Two is bad enough.

jellybe · 25/01/2023 11:32

If you are married could you create your own surname by combining yours and DH (friends did this and it worked really well, obviously depends on what your surnames are)

If not married then give baby your surname.

Hatscats · 25/01/2023 12:09

I’d go with one of his and yours.

Emmamoo89 · 25/01/2023 13:13

I'm not married but my son has his dad's name.

ZacharinaQuack · 25/01/2023 13:17

My DP and I have three names between us and we didn't want to pass down the curse/dilemma of what to do with a double-barrelled name to the next generation, so we just picked the best one of the three. Luckily it was obvious to both of us that the other two names were pretty crap, so no arguments there.

NalaNana · 25/01/2023 13:29

I'm pregnant and not married (wedding booked for 2024 though) - baby will have fiancé's surname, I'll double barrel mine.

pinkyredrose · 25/01/2023 13:30

Just use your name

pinkyredrose · 25/01/2023 13:31

NalaNana · 25/01/2023 13:29

I'm pregnant and not married (wedding booked for 2024 though) - baby will have fiancé's surname, I'll double barrel mine.

Why don't you all have the double barrelled name?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 25/01/2023 13:32

Personally I’d double barrel and tell your partner to pick one- otherwise just yours

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