top tips for surviving first few months with TWO

[bakedpotato]

just met someone i vaguely know, out with her new baby (3 wks) and toddler. she looked, bless her, like death. she nearly cried over me. said it was soooo much harder this time around (though, happily, certain things, like feeding, are much easier with no2). hopefully she will give me a shout if she wants to offload toddler i begged her to but i'm not sure she will even remember this encounter by now.

feeling a bit doomy: my 2nd is due in jan. PLEASE share your top tips for getting through the first few months?

I would just add that if in starting this thread, you're obviously very realistic about what another might be like.

For me, the first few weeks were easier than later. In the first few weeks my DD1, then 23 months could almost forget DD2 was there and DD2 stayed wherever I put her.....I found it more tiring later when DD2 got on the move!

Anyway it does get easier and easier...I am here on my computer whilst both DDs are happily playing and watching tv - could and would never have left DD1 to do that at 22 months.

Reading all these threads has made me broody for no.3! NOOOOO. But, I do think my second child was more contented because I didn't pick him up every time he made a sound as I did with No.1. Sometimes he just had to wait and cry for a few minutes. If I was doing something with No.1 and No.2 cried I didn't immediately jump up and get him. This showed No.1 that she was important by not taking my attention from her immediately. I think this made a huge impact on her acceptance of him.

get extra childcare/babysitters if you possibly can. and remember it does get easier. also remember it's ok to crack open the wine around 5pm to get through the screamy bit of the day.

also if you are on your own with them in the evening, they don't need baths, nor bedtime stories, just feeding and bundling into bed. it saves a lot of effort.

Everyone here has excellent advice (tesco.com - hurrah) but my life saver was knowing DD1s bedtime routine was fixed and she was well and truly sorted and slept through without issues. We were moving her into a new bedroom, and I wanted her settled in her new room for a little while before the baby moved in. We let her "help" decorate her new room, and she was very excited about it even at only 21 months.

Then at 5 weeks DH went away for 17 days and no parental support nearby so I established an earlier bedtime routine for DD2, so I could get her settled and into bed (by 6:15), come and spend some nice quality time with DD1 and enjoy her bedtime routine with her so she didn't "notice" anything was different and so her bedtimes never faltered. As this got DD2 sleeping through the evenings until about 11-12 before wanting another feed - I felt like I had some peace and time for myself (and for a few chores if I felt like it). We never got DD1 to settle in the evenings until about 4m and so I already felt like experience of parenthood 2nd time around had made it's mark.

IGNORE clothes washing during the day - stick on one load quick wash per evening, and get it in the tumble drier, and if you are fortunate enought to have a dishwasher, make sure it is cleaned and emptied in the evening, so during the day you can just stick dirty stuff into it ready for the evening - then you won't feel like you are drowing in wahing up. Ingore all other housework. Life's too short.

I'll not lie to you - it will be hard work, but now DDs at 2.3 and 8m old, life feels quite "normal" and on good days it's really the most special feeling in the world to see them forming their sibling relationship!

bakedpotato, thanks for starting such a good thread+
My dd will be 4 (baby is due on her 4th Birthday) when this one arrives but i'm alrady feeling very nervous at how our idylic little life is going to be changed!!

Some great tips here and i especially like the one about Daddy carrying the new baby into the house so i can go straight to dd!
How wise you all are

My dd was 21 months old when ds was born. In some ways having 2 is really tough, in some ways it's easier than having just number 1. hings I have realised now that ds is nearly a year old -
Newborn babies seem to have a tendency to sleep more than you could believe is possible, so let them rather than spending ages trying to wake them.
I thought that the first few weeks were in some ways easier than the last few weeks of pregnancy, at least I had my lap back and I could cuddle dd again.
With dd1 I spent ages trying to entertain, but with no2, watching number 1 is the most entertaining thing around.
Have low expectations. Some days we didn't manage to get out of the house due to nappy changes/feeding & sleeping
Get your shopping delivered and only clean when you have to
No2 babies are incredibly flexible. They will learn to fit in around no1 schedule,
No2 babies do not break when rolled on/squeezes/pushed over/have toys taken from them/
Make bedtime as easy as possible. We got dd to love a few dvds. She used to watch them while I put ds to bed, then I put dd to bed. Ds still thinks that his bedtime is 6.30(!!!!!) and then dd goes into the bath
1 load of washing a day is enough, thank goodness for dishwashers!
For the first 6/9 months I didn't seem to have a single free minute, but then ds began to be able to entertain himself and suddenly I gained whole minutes to myself!
There's never a dull moment and ds adores dd. Nobody can make him laugh and smile like his sister, even when she's pushing him over.

No. 3 babies don't get squished when the 5yo bounces on their tummies, either (to my immense surprise). No. 3 babies think it's quite funny & giggle hysterically, in fact.

Get a good play/social/etc. routine (M+tots groups, whatever) before the baby arrives. Get your support network/friends set. & go straight back into your routine/social life as soon as you can after the baby arrives. I had that when I went from 1 to 2, and it was SO MUCH EASIER than when I went from 2 to 3, but had just moved house & didn't have a support network at all.

this is a great thread. dd1 is 25 months and dd2 is 2 weeks now. i was dreading it, worried about what reactions i would get from dd1 with jealousy etc, but its been great so far. i was worrying about nothing really. the hardest part seems to be getting out of the house for any particular time. every day its lunchtime before i know it. dd1 goes to toddlers at 10am mon wed and fri and i have never been on time yet since dd2 was born! but my attitude is "who cares". just try and enjoy it, thats what i keep telling myself, cos you cant get these precious times back. and youre not going to look back at these times with your children and think "well, wasnt my house just lovely and clean and tidy!"

sorry, im blithering, but i hope you know what i mean

there are lots of good tips here - another one I would add is a secret store of toys - jigsaws were good for me - coz I could help while breast-feeding, and books. Keeping them in reserve somewhere is good for those moments when it feels like it's all going horribly wrong.

Utka gives lots of brilliant advise. Do as little as possible the first 2 months - my friends and family all know I go into hibernation and basically don't leave the house for anything vaguely social 2-3 months after the baby is born. Then things suddenly slot into place and I'm out and about again with kids and baby in tow. But WARNING: just because something that works very well has happened twice in a row, this is not a routine!!

We currently have a 5 year old, a 4 year old,
our 2 year old and the newbie (3 months). And here it is, Saturday morning, and I'm on MN with a nice mug of coffee in front of me. The older kids are playing with the cushions on the sofa behind me while the baby lies contentedly watching them (safly out of harm's way). Dh is in here too, although he's buried in the papers and is paying the minimum amount of attention.

We basically have very few routines or 'must dos': meals are still quite haphazard, baths often get missed, the house is not as hygenic as I would like... But I'm having a (mainly) wonderful time with my family and my kids are obviously thriving. Everyone who meets us at first says how much work it must be for me. But after seeing the kids interact, I get lots of comments about how having several kids is actually easier on the Mum than little only children. Never underestimate children's need and delight in their sibling's company, no matter how young.

So, relax as much as possible, be incredibly proud of any little thing you get accomplished during the day, and don't forget the red wine after the munchkins are abed!

I haven't read the whole thread so apologies if I am repeating.

Dd1 was 17 months when I had dd2, and I fervently wished I had a downstairs loo, as going to the loo entailed going up the stairs with a baby under one arm and a toddler under the other, plus stairgates - argh! Also have two sets of baby changing stuff, one upstairs and one downstairs, so that you don't have the same palaver at changing time.

Apologies if this duplicates anything:

Accept the feeling that you're 'back at the beginning' for the first few weeks - yes, your carefully learned routines of up-dressed-out do go to pot, but they do come back again.

Keep any childcare arrangements you've got going, although you may want to cut back by a day or so.

Get the older one out of a buggy if at all possible, NOW.

And on a very good note - you probably now have a lovely network of friends with kids. The women from your first antenatal group, far from being shell-shocked with their own new babies like they were last time, are now fully able to nip round and sympathise!

i think you must treat your oldest child like a god or a while. my eldest has always been able to stay up longer ( and then gets extra treets) we used to get rid of the youngest ( twins) then have pizza or somethig extravagent and watch telly past 9pm OMG!!!!! so its not so much about buing them anything specific but rather extra time alone.

youmust get your partner to pull their finger out - if existingly brilliant - they must be more so. if existingly crap you gotta lay down the rules.

housework - fuck it
visitors - piss off
in laws - if you wanna see them take them
mum - wash the pots
partner - does alternate nightly feeds - after all they may get to go to work for some peace - hoevever you are the mother to the next generation of mankind - its slighly more important you get some sleep so you dont strangle the next generation of mankind

Message withdrawn

This is a fantastic thread. We're expecting baby no 2 but reading esp Llamamum's post I am broody for no. 3 and 4 already...

just forget housework and get dh to organise service washes or ordering supermarket online and takeaways.

avoid the stress-inducing desire to fix an early routine but try to get dressed before noon at least once a week and wipe face with flannel, it will make you feel glamorous and organised.

(occasionally) make mealtimes, bathtimes etc (ie potential flashpoints for Bad Behaviour) a bit more fun and less serious eg blanket on floor for picnic of bizarre mixture of food much more fun than sitting at table. don't do this all the time, it loses its novelty.

have selection of nice cardis etc for newborn to slip over sleepsuit so you don't have to dress him/her but gives appearance of having done so (as if it matters )

get dd to bath, feed her babies when you're doing it for baby, also use bribes and cbeebies to full potential.

(you WILL be fine xx)

do love 'glamorous and organised' tip, bundle!

also if you don't have one, invest in a fleshy-coloured lipgloss which you can apply (again once a week is fine) without a mirror to make you feel even more glamorous without the Cure-lookeelikee-smudged-over-the-edges-lipstick-look

but be careful, if you ever do get to feeling "glamourous and organised" not to spoil it by looking in a mirror - it will shatter the illusion.

llamamama's post was lovely but personally I find 3 under 5's harder than just one, actually!

TV
tv
tv
It is a lot harder with two though I must say

For the toddler : lots of nice dvd's/videos they can watch whilst you are doing things you just can't do with them running around. definitely the supporting bath seat thing. I got mine from John Lewis. It has saved me at bathtimes.
For the baby: I bought that mobile which plays bach/mozart I think its by Tiny Love and he will lie on his cot and watch it for ages kicking around whilst I am doing things with toddler. I bought the barnacle boat gym from mamas and papas which is FANTASTIC. the toddle sits in the boat part and the baby plays on the gym. Top tip - face baby towards toddler when you need the baby to be entertained - mine thinks his brother is better than TV and will watch him happily doing anything for ages. Also baby mozart - must.
for you: touche eclat by yves saint laurent, will cover up those bags under your eyes a treat and a swift gin and tonic at around 5pm perks you up no end!

make sure dh / dp takes as much time of as possible, and then if you can stand them get your mum / MIL to stay. I had 4 weeks covered this way, ds1 thought it was great as he had all the attention from them, I got all my food cooked / tea made / house cleaned, and just had to concentrate on the baby when he was awake, and ds1 when he slept. Then when it was just me I felt a lot more organised, and prepared.
I kept ds1 at his childminders as well a) so that his routine was the same, and b) so that I could spend time with ds2.
Like everyone says it's important to keep the eldests live as similar as possible, and make the baby fit in. Also a great present from the baby to his brother really helped!

eldests live??? sorry!