Was your partner very hands on/interested whilst you were pregnant?

[KIQFTM]

Just wondered, did you partner take a fascinated interest in every aspect of your pregnancy?

Have a few friends also pregnant atm and their partners are either buying and reading books on the subject or saying that they can't wait for the baby to be here etc. These are all first timers, I'm on my second, partner's 1st. And, er, my partner hasn't done any of these things. Is treating it like an abstract concept amt I think. Also, think he sees me as the "professional" just because I've done it before?

Is this boding badly for the future or is this very normal behaviour? I'm not seriously over anxious about it, more curious and a bit of reassurance that lots of men are like this would be nice.

Thanks

Dh was very interested in the whole pregnancy thing but not really into reading the books and magazines. Neither of us went to antenatal classes. Dh liked to attend appointments when he could but these were usually the scan appointments. He was gutted that he missed ds2's birth by a couple of minutes but tbh we had little choice as there was no-one else to look after ds1. However, he did arrive in time for ds2's weighing and check-up.

He came with me to pre-natal check ups and childbirth classes (watching the birth video very squeamishly), and he was interested in certain bits of my pregnancy book, like how big the baby was at any given moment in time, but wouldn't have read the books himself. He would make my toasted english muffins for me when that was the only food I could stand, and buy me ice cream when I was craving it.

But, no, he didn't take a fascinated interest in the pregnancy. He was excited about the baby, but he didn't have that same deep connection that women have when we're pregnant. I think it's a lot more abstract for men. He didn't think he would be able to watch the baby being born (he was always going to be in the delievery room - he just didn't think he would want to see the head come out). But I think it all changed for him right before she was born when he had a peek and was awestruck and started crying. I think when he saw the head emerging was when it all became real for him.

Ex husband read nothing until I was actually in labour and was very "hands-off" once dd was born - didn't want to change nappies, push pram, get up in the night etc.. Just liked the "fun" stuff - i.e. playing. All this contributed to him becoming "ex". In complete contrast, dh is reading everything, very interested in what's happening, talks to my bump and I am sure will be a very hands-on dad as he does much more with dd than her father did (even leaps out of bed ahead of me sometimes if she ever wakes and calls in the night). Having said all that, all men are different and just because your dh is not overly interested now doesn't mean he won't be when the baby is born.

DP is interesting in reading little bits and pieces, books and leaflets left in strategic places and not specifically indentified as something for him to read are read with much interest. He will then quote bits back at me and take on board much more information than me. He was completely disinterested in the funny pregnancy book I brought for his birthday though. Not been read as yet. I do think though that he won't be the most precticle dad for all this so called knowledge should offer him. He still comes across as though he dosen't have a clue most of the time! I wouldn't worry, worry with how he is when the baby is out and see how he gets along! Good luck.

dh with my first pregnancy seemed very much not really interested in all the practical stuff, and I thought he wasn't listening to most of what I told him (he did not read a single book). He only attended 3 out of 5 parentcraft classes but he was there at the crucial ones and amazed me with his knowledge (he had been, after all, listening to me) and listened attentively.

He amazed me even more at the birth as he was a fantastic birth partner!!

Was not particulalry hands on to start with as he was afraid and had this funny idea that I knew more than him ojn hiw to care for a small baby, but he learned slowly, and now he's a terrific dad, and can look after our 3 year old on his own without problems. It did take a mlot of encorougement from me and some strategic outings on my own!!!

My DH is fabulous and doing tonnes of stuff for me around the house but seems to be keeping quiet on the whole 'being pregnant' front. He does 'jobs' such as painting and sanding in preperation but hasn't ever suggested doing anything preperation wise himself. Does make me worry he's maybe not as excited as me (this is our first)or perhaps he's just waiting until ds or dd is here??!!

dp dipped into some of the books I got first time round once I shoved them in his direction, but not really in any very interested way, whereas I read the Rough Guide to Pregnancy about 50 times!!

Totally came into his own once dd was born - he is the most devoted, soppy dad imaginable. Plus he's brilliant with other people's kids, which I'm not!

No not atall!
Both our children were un-planned & my DH did not really want children in the 1st place.
He did feel them kick & things like that, but as 4 reading books & taking an interest in classes & birth - no way!
He was not even at the birth's of either of my DS's, as he is the most squemish person imaginable & thought that it would put him off sex 4 ever!
He does love his children, however!

There was a lot going on in our lives at the time I discovered I was pregnant, ie. new house needing major renovations, me being made redundant dh not happy with his job- a very stressful time. Even though our DD (now 2.75) was very much planned I totally freaked out and I was a complete bitch for the first 3 months! so he kind of let me get on with it - I remember dh asking me in a frustrated rage at one point whether I actually wanted the baby! - ahhhhh!! - what a question! Once I got over myself, calmed down and stopped feeling ill and sorry for myself dh was incredibly supportive - read books and mags with me and massaged lotion into the bump every night, came to the scans and antenatal classes (even though he's not good in groups of strangers).
Once DD was born he was/is very hands-on, devoted and supportive so couldn't really ask for him to be better. 'He' can't wait for the next one!!!!
God, he sounds too good to be true doesn't he? I haven't mentioned all the things that really piss me off but credit where credit's due!

Thanks all for these (mostly reassuring) posts. I was KIQFTM but thought I'd better come clean now. Have just made him sit through the video of latest scan. Could tell he was stuggling not to look too bored before the end

Congrats Tinker

My husband took ages before he got involved at all - probably becasue I had morning sickness & hormones from hell for the first 15 weeks so found it easier to keep a low profile.

By around 30 weeks he was quite interested and even came to NCT classes.

Maybe he's also concerned about becoming emotionally involved after your previous miscarriage and is finding it easier to go for the abstract idea.

Good luck, love Kx

What is it with men and scans. My dh informed a puzzled sonographer that ds1 looked just like a trilobyte at our nuchal scan.
You can't say congrats too often so congratulations again Tinker! Glad the scan went well.

Congratulations Tinker, so you were pg on your 40th birthday - just like me 7 years ago when I was living with my then dp (now dh) and it was my second and his first. Hope it all works out for you as well as mine has (so far......!)

Ooo, thank you ladies.

hey, tinker you dark horse, you! [smile} congratulations!!!

Congratulations Tinker.

congratulations tinker!

HURRAH!

Thanks again

congratulations Tinker - hope all goes well with your pregnancy

to answer your q - my dh wasn't a bit hands on when I was pg with DD and is even less so (if that's possible) with this pg.

I found it a bit weird and worrying first time round but now just find it completely normal. I think it helps that I've seen him with DD and he is just so fantastic with her it beggars belief. He never wanted kids which might explain his feelings of trepidation during the pregnancy, but he loves her to bits now and has done since the moment she popped into this world. I'm assuming it will be the same this time round too.

So, I wouldn't worry.

As someone else below said, I actually found it very annoying when DPs of friends of mine started lecturing me on being pg and asking very intimate questions, all because they had read the books and so felt like experts!!!

Message withdrawn

DH was def more excited with ds1 as opposed to this PG. I think it is a case of 'been there done that' However he is a fab father and loves ds to bits and does so much with him.

He doesnt really seem to understand the whole PG thing of how uncomfortable it is towards the end. I am now 37.2 weeks PG and desperately want it to end and he said just this morning as I was reading to him about how moody all the Nov Mums are, 'Well, I dont know why.......you all know what you are letting yourselves in for!!!!!' I nearly throttled him!

The amount of grief he gave me the other day as he moaned about heartburn was unbelievable!! He drank most of my Gaviscon but didnt shut up about it and actually said the words 'You have no idea how much this hurts!!' No, darling, you are right. I am 37 weeks PG, had heartburn all the way through, have backache, huge heavy boobs and an enormous stomach and the thought of a natural childbirth!!

I do love him though.......I am just hormonal!!!!

My partner is really fantastic with ds. There aren't any jobs at all that are my jobs not his-he changes nappies etc spontanously, and will even buy milk when he notices it is needed. That is a BIG improvement on before ds was born, when I did all the shopping, he would do the cleaning but needed prompting,etc.

However, hes never seemed that interested in the pregnancy itself. I don't think hes read any books at all. He was quite interested in the birth. I think a lot of it though is that hes been quite heavily schooled in the idea that women have a right to make all the decisions before the birth and he doesn't want to get in the way of that.

He's absolutely fantastic about taking ds so I get time to sleep (baby2 due June/July so very tired), cooking, making ginger tea etc. He'll probably come to scans, but I'm not sure how much he'd mind if he missed them.

I think the turning point in the last pregnancy was when he felt ds kicking the first time. I think then he started to bond with him but still didn't really take a huge amount of interest.

And he didn't get ANY of the stuff I asked him to get for the home birth...I still remind him about this.

Nope! DH was a bit thrown by it all. He didn't like my bump, refused to touch it and kept saying that maybe it was a bad idea! All his way of dealing with it I guess. Not great for a big fat hormonal wreck like I was though.
He is a great father now. He always said he was better with kids than with babies.