So scared for labour 🥺

[EmC96]

Hiya ladies

Any tips/ stories you can tell me that may make me feel slightly more at ease about labour. I’m due tomorrow & the fear has come back.

I know women do this day in day out but I just fear something is going to go wrong & ive dreamy that I die during child birth... not helpful!

I’m scared I won’t know when to go to the hospital, I won’t know how to deal with the pain & I won’t know when to push.

Ahhhhh

Aw you poor thing 😔 I was the exact same honestly, but once it all kicks in your totally fine! Me personally I had a good labour and I am now pregnant with my second and I think this time round all being well I won't have the same fear I did with number 1. I do believe that instinct completely takes over and you really do just go with your body and the midwives advice. Good luck and I hope all goes well 😊

Awww good luck! Try to think positive! If you are low risk pregnancy stay home for as long as possible- warm bath to help contractions. Just let your body take over, breathe through contractions. When pushing rather than shouting / screaming, use all that energy to focus downwards, chin down and dont waste it on shouting!
Oh and make sure you eat and drink plenty- you will need the energy!
It’s the most amazing thing ever and when you hold that tiny little baby it’s just incredible. I am very envious of you!

Find some positive birth stories. There are things that can go wrong but you'll be in good hands with the midwives so stay calm. Have you done much antenatal education? I found that knowing what my body was meant to do helped me stay calm, so know what the different types of contractions are doing helped me visualise and feel them rather than think of them as pain.

I loved giving birth and hope to do it again

Oh and one more thing- it’s completely normal during transition from contractions to pushing (so at 10cm) to be shouting in cant do this’ that is what it feels like at that point but believe in yourself- you can do it, just one contraction at a time! Let us know how it all goes!

Labour is so difficult to describe! I've never experienced anything like it!! It was absolutely painful but I had a fabulous midwife in a very quick labour.

Your body is amazing. It tells you when to push. You do ultimately have to do the hard work and get baby out. Theres no time limit and someone will help you get through it. Do you have a birthing partner?

Breathe lots! It absolutely helped once I've got the hang of it. At some point during, I felt a mass wave of panic (can't really describe why) but I just kept breathing when midwife told me too. She helped me focus.

Describe your pain. Take pain relief. Gas and air honestly took my pain away to a point I could focus on what I was doing.

I ended up having an episotomy due to quick fetal distress (must of been keen to come out haha) but the team helped me through and communicated what they were doing.

I didn't feel a mad rush of love when she was born. I was just glad it was over. Once the gas and air wore off, I just drank her in.

Lots and lots of luck!

Have you read up on birth. I'd argue that reading up on positive birth stories only isn't too useful as we tend to equate positive with natural/straightforward. And if your labour isn't like that, it can feel overwhelming and shocking. I think it's best to be well prepared for the physiology of birth and then have some knowledge of what you might want to do if anything deviated from that.

My body didn't know what to do. I had no gap between contractions. I had no urge to push. These things all deviate from the norm. When I listened to my body, something felt "off" but I tried to stick to a script of what should happen. I ended up overwhelmed, exhausted and needed a lot of intervention.

I was much better prepared second time round. I knew about forceps and ventouse and caesareans (objectively and subjectively!) and was prepared, supported and empowered to exercise choice. I had a 38hr labour and repeat emcs and it was a total joy. Nothing textbook, no normal delivery but I laughed and smiled and felt consulted and supported.

Method of deliver doesn't decide whether it will be a positive experience. Knowledge and support do that in most cases.

Bless you. I've done it twice. I've had two totally different experiences. My second labour was my favourite. It was only 2.5 hours long and a 40 minute drive to the hospital. It was honestly fine.

For the first hour and 20 minutes I was at home. I knew labour had started. My pains were every three minutes. But I didn't need to breathe through them or react to them. Infact I was chatting to the midwife when I had them. After an hour and 20 minutes I was having to breathe through them. Which was about 30 seconds long each time. Then id have a drink of water. We got in the car and this was the case all the way to hospital. Three minutes. Water. Radio playing. 15 minutes before we got to the hospital I was ready for gas and air. I wasn't panicking. I was just talking myself through it that we were nearly there. I got to the hospital 2 hours after my labour started. Pains were closer together when I got out the car. I was put into a wheelchair and taken up to the room. Midwife was out for 5 minutes and when she came back in I knew I needed to push. Because it's a strong pressure. Almost like when you need a poo but bigger. Your body actually pushes for you. That's hard to explain. But your muscles contract themselves and push down. You also push along with the sensation. You do feel at this point like you have no energy left. It's called the transition stage. But don't fear it. You end up going along with it anyway and your body knows what it's doing. If you get stuck the midwives will assist.

If you pull your mouth wide open with your index fingers. That sort of stretchy burn is how crowning feels. But you will be so focused on pushing past that pain you will just push.

Then when they are born the pain really does disappear massively. Pretty much completely. The placenta doesn't hurt. I didn't notice mine coming out. I was enjoying my baby cuddles.

Do not fear it. Ignore horror stories.

I've had stitches. Didn't feel myself tear. Didn't feel the stitching being done and didn't feel the stitches after. They just dissolve.

The first wee for me was fine. The first poo was fine too.

Feel free to ask me any questions. But ultimately you will go with it. You really will. You don't need to plan or panic. It's how we are designed x

Thanks ladies for all of your messages!
I just want my baby in my arms without any problems and knowing that she is safe. As you say the midwives will be there to look after me & my partner. I must try to keep positive!

We all worried just as you are now. but now I know it was wasted energy. The fear of what if is worse than the actual situation.

You will smash it. Inductions can be worse but then you will be in hospital where the pain relief is. It will become a happy memory one day. You will feel like superwomen x

I’d recommend the Positive Birth Book- really helped ease my fears and also very informative about labour and birth so I went in with a good understanding

Try to let your body go completely limp and relaxed during contractions. Our instinct is generally to tense up when in pain, but it passes more quickly when you relax. You won't necessarily feel the urge to push; I've had 4 and never had the urge.

Bless you! I know how you feel.. I was told to do a hypnobirthing course...which I've just completed (online) and I'm so excited now! Im a FTM and its so daunting but after doing this course its changed the way I look at labour and giving birth...yes I know things can still go wrong or not the way I want them too but honestly if you can afford to do so (£39) the hypnobirthing course is amazing!! Xxx

I LOVED labour, going into it I wasn't fussed and had no expectations of how I desperately wanted it to be - was happy to take allllll the pain relief and the if they had offered me a c section in the week or so before I would have taken it 100%. I had a pretty quick labour, had to breathe through the contractions but they weren't unbearable, had one contraction where I just knew something had changed. Hospital said they didn't think I was ready but I kind of over emphasised my contraction pain etc and they said they would assess me. DD was born within an hour of arriving at hospital (& 90 mins from being told I didn't need to be assessed). Needing to push was a strange overwhelming feeling, literally my entire body was taken over by the urge to push. Only needed (had time for) gas & air and they didn't even have time to fill the birth pool. It also didn't hurt anywhere near as bad as it's made out to be.

Pregnant with number 2 now and I'm genuinely excited to give birth this time!

Ignore horror stories

This is quite poor advice. Usually people mean only listen to stories where it was straightforward or textbook. What if your delivery isn't? You end up ill prepared and feeling like you've failed, believe me.

I've had two emcs because physically, my babies could not be born vaginally. I needed forceps during a caesarean and I haemorrhaged. It was all brilliantly managed. I was cared for. I was in no pain. The staff were quick and professional. This isn't a horror story. It isn't horrific or designed to terrify. It's simple fact. And I'd have been less upset first time round if I hadn't fallen for the dichotomy of good vs bad. It's not that simple. My baby's entrance was not a horror story.

Read up and be ready to make informed choices. Chances are, it'll be straightforward. And regardless, the baby will be awesome!

Ignore horror stories is not bad advice!

Definitely look for positive birth stories - HOWEVER - that doesn’t mean only look for straightforward ‘natural’ birth stories. There are positive stories out there about cesarian births, inductions, stories where things didn’t go to plan, people ended up making different decisions than they’d expected or needed interventions etc. It can still be a positive experience overall. The positive bit is feeling ready to face whatever happens, feeling consulted, knowing you have options and are able to ask questions and make the decisions that feel right for you and your baby in the moment.

Try the positive birth company for stories. I really recommend their digital pack but if you’re due tomorrow it might be a little late to fit it in. They have free videos on their YouTube channel though which are quite informative.

Definitely try to fit in some reading/ watching about the stages of labour and breathing techniques if you haven’t already. And about positions for labour and the benefits/risks of various pain relief options.

Try to go into it knowing you are strong and capable enough to cope with whatever turns it might take. Know that you have options and rights and you have to give consent for anything that ‘gets done’ to you so you are entitled to ask questions, and if you’re uncomfortable with something you can ask exactly why it’s being suggested, whether there are any alternatives or just whether you can have more time to decide. Know that your body needs oxytocin to labour effectively which is the feel good, happy hormone so whatever you can do to feel good and happy throughout - whether that’s your favourite snack, a hug from your partner, a playlist of your favourite songs etc - they’re all going to help.

I've had 4 babies, total mix bag with labours.

My best was with DC(3). I had a plan in mind and 'luckily' in played out perfect. I was induced 4wks early for pre-eclampsia. At 2cm my waters broke so went to labour suite. I started on gas and air while they arranged the morphine. Then enjoyed the morphine while they arranged the epidural. I ended up sleeping right through.

I woke, had an examination and I was 10cm and ready to push. My only panic was DP was sent off for a coffee while I was sleeping and I couldn't get him on the phone. Luckily he walked through the door just in time. 3 pushes and she was out. No tears, bruises, drama, anything. Just a perfect little baby girl.

Not all labours are awful. Not all births are awful. Not all vaginas get destroyed

What I meant by ignore horror stories are.

I puked all the way through
I tore 3 inches across my arse cheek
I was in agony for 3 days
It was the worst pain ever.

Ofcourse she needs to be aware of forceps and c sections and stuff. But that's not horrifying to tell a women you've had that. It also doesn't have to be a horrible traumatising event as the staff care for you.

I never meant all births are easy and straight forward. But even with complications many are not horrendous.

Would definitely recommend the Positive Birth Company pack - you can get through all the videos in a couple of hours so you might be able to fit it in! It's totally changed my mindset about labour and birth and I feel so much better prepared now.

I can't give you a complications free story, as I was induced (balloon, ARM and oxytocin drip, had an epidural, forceps, episiotomy, an internal tear and a post-partum haemorrage.

What I will say is that I was also scared stiff of labour, and also of the dreaded drip, but actually I can't even say it was that bad. Maybe my epidural was a miracle worker, but I can't say I was ever in lots of proper pain, but moreso bad period cramps which I could definitely handle.

Probably due to the epidural I had no idea of when to push as I couldn't feel contractions, but instead I relied on the midwives to tell me when. When they say push like you need to poo, they are not kidding. Pretty sure I also did poo a little as I felt the midwife wipe there, but to be honest you don't care!

Honestly, especially for me, you build up such a horror in your head from reading things when actually it's probably not as bad as you think it will be.

Thinking back to it, one of the worst moments was actually when I got home and asked my partner to do one of the tinzeparin(?) injections in my leg and it felt like he had punched me. I did them all myself pain-free after that day!

I’m the biggest whimp, scared of everything, can’t handle pain .... I was terrified! I was induced as I was overdue. I was shaking on route to the hospital. Seriously, I amazed myself !
I didn’t have a great delivery with a long induction until active labour started. I was exhausted but you get this power & energy from a place you didn’t know existed. I had an episiotomy - the one thing that gave me sleepless nights! Wasn’t as bad as I imagined it to be. I won’t lie, your bits & stitches are very sore after but your in such a love bubble with your new baby.

I agree wholeheartedly with the recommendation to buy and watch the positive birth company digital pack. Best £40 I ever spent. I literally cannot wait for labour. I know your due date is tomorrow but I assume you're off work now and don't have other children, so binge watching it in 1-2 days is definitely doable! I've started rewatching it and got through about half of the videos today.

I also found the Positive Birth Company amazing. If you buy the pack you get access to the Facebook group with lots of positive birth stories. You can search for ones most like your birth/ what you hope your birth will be (e.g first time mum, hospital / midwife led unit / homebirth, induction) and they are really helpful and inspiring.

Thanks ladies! I’ll look into the positive birth thing!

Going tomorrow for a midwife appt and planning to ask for them to keep me there and get things going but I know they like to leave you until 42 weeks... I’d at least like another sweep!

Breathe! I found two things made contractions more painful - holding my breathe and being on my back.

So when the pain starts, a quick breathe in and long out - focus on breathing

You can't stand for all contractions but leaning against a counter top - ie facing it can ease the pressure. Even lying on your side is less painful.

If you are on a monitor my partner used to be able to read it tell me when it was easing so I knew they will easing to rest for the next one.

Just an update for you all

Had my 40 week midwife appointment
They would not keep me in hospital today but have given me another sweep. I am booked for induction on Monday although they don’t think I’ll make it until then ( heard this before! )

Apparently my cervix and baby’s head is in the position they would expect with a woman in active labour. I have only had on/off contractions and tightenings but midwife said it’s working either way! Baby’s in prime position.

Now I have the worries of a induction and the extra pain haha!!