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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Asking people to give up a priority seat on a train for a pregnant lady.

49 replies

user1476968120 · 18/01/2017 23:31

Basically, The train I have to get to go to my boyfriend's house is normally crammed packed full of people. To the point everyone is so squished together you can't move, its extremely hot and uncomfortable and people actually miss their stops because they can't get through the people quick enough.. you know, that kind of packed.

No matter what time, Unless its very late at night, It's always like this. Last time I caught that train, I got extremely light headed and almost fainted, throughout my whole pregnancy so far I've suffered terribly with sickness as well as the fact it was so busy and hot and had to stand for my whole trip. People could see I was in distress but no one offered me a seat, Which, That's their choice they don't have to. I'd also point out that I couldn't even go to the bathroom because the train I get rarely had one and it would be too cramped to get to anyway.

My question is, I'm at a point now where I just can't handle standing up the whole way, squished between a bunch of careless people who don't care if they bang into me or my stomach or knock me over, both of which HAVE happened.

I have to travel tomorrow and even though I will be with my boyfriend, I'm still worried about the crowds. My question is, If someone is sat in the priority seats simply because they are free, The train is busy and they just want a seat, Can I ask them to move?

I would only ask if none others are available and I can see they aren't elderly or pregnant themselves. I'm not a rude person, So obviously I'd politely ask, But yes. Do I have a right, As a five-month pregnant woman, to ask someone who doesn't need the priority seats to please move so I can rest/sit down?

And if they refuse because they don't want to stand, Can I do anything about it?

Has anyone had any experience with this? I know its silly to ask, but I really don't know if I'd have any right to ask them to move or not.
Thank you in advance for any advice.

P.S I don't know if it helps, But I get on at Birmingham New Street which is why its always so busy and I'm not asking if I can get people to move from a normal seat, just the priority ones.

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Original poster

user1476968120 · 19/01/2017 12:34

Hey everyone, Thanks again for the advice, I've been looking all morning. My train is in about 2 hours.

I've looked up on these ''Baby on Board'' badge-things, and are they only for people who live in London? From what i've seen and read it does say there for commuters but mainly London. I live in the West Midlands but only ever get the trains out of Birmingham though I will be travelling to london in March when i'll be 7 months Would I still be aloud to use one?

OP posts:

INeedNewShoes · 19/01/2017 12:42

User - you're allowed to use the badge wherever you are; it just so happens that its Transport for London that produce them and distribute them. There are no rules governing it so I'd make use of it wherever you are.

It just serves as a useful prompt to other passengers to look out for you.

PrettyRicky · 19/01/2017 12:45

"Would you mind if I had that priority seat from you please? If I have to stand any longer, I think I'm going to be sick"

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/01/2017 12:53

What if they are refusing because they have a hidden disability, and need the seat, PrettyRicky? Would it still be OK for the OP to threaten to vomit on them (not that I think she would follow your 'advice')?

SpeakNoWords · 19/01/2017 13:41

You absolutely should ask to sit down in a priority seat, they're for pregnant women as well as for people with disabilities. I'm not a fan of asking the carriage generally. I tended to ask the person in a priority seat who looked the least likely to need it. I asked politely but confidently. As others have said you need to be aware that they might have a hidden disability so they may say they can't give up the seat. In that case I'd ask the nearest likely candidate in a normal seat and repeat as necessary. I'm also prepared to tap people on the shoulder if they don't hear me (or pretend to because they've got headphones in). I've always found that the vast majority of people will be happy to let you sit down.

Pinkbottletop · 19/01/2017 15:27

Is there a conductor aboard your train? The other day I was crammed into the standing part of the train, no where near the seats to even ask to sit down despite the badge, and the conductor who was making his way through the train found me a seat in first class. That way we didn't have to ask anyone to get up.

But priority seats specifically say that you need to vacate them if someone less able to stand needs it. So do ask if you need to.

Cloeycat · 19/01/2017 15:35

I think you can apply but they only post them to people on the commuter belt. I have one that I will no longer be using shortly as will be on Maternity Leave and not going to London anymore. Happy to post it on to you if you can't get one direct from TFL.

Also I think if you go to First Class on a packed train while pregnant you can normally take a seat there and explain to conductor you couldn't get one elsewhere, they are quite reasonable.

FinallyHere · 19/01/2017 15:35

While I would encourage you to ask, the people i see being most successful tend to ask in a more general way, could anyone spare a seat, Im not feeling well. Don't make it about the person sitting in the 'disabled' seat. Able bodied people who sit there may not care that much about how someone else is feeling.

Im don't mean to suggest that this is how it should be, just Ive never seen anyone ask and not be offered a seat, any seat, just not necessarily the disabled seat. All the very best, I hope it goes well for you.

ConvincingLiar · 19/01/2017 20:50

I think you need to live in/near London to get a baby on board badge posted, or you can collect from a tube station. Alternatively, you can buy them on eBay.

I would ask politely, and not question a refusal.

Blacksox · 19/01/2017 20:53

Of course you can ask. But don't be surprised if people say no, especially as you probably don't show yet at 5 months.

hopsalong · 19/01/2017 21:00

I have asked a few times and have only ever had one person sitting in a priority seat say no. She might have had a hidden disability, I suppose, but her excuse was "ugh no I just sat down." I had said (not showing) that I was really sorry, but I was pregnant and was feeling very dizzy and sick.

Served her right, because the train ended up speeding up into a tunnel, and I vomited a little bit on her shoes.

Was so embarrassed I got off at the next station leaving her sitting there...

SpartacusWoman · 19/01/2017 23:44

I'd ask. The worse that happen is they say no.

Is there anyway your biyfriend can come to you instead of you going to him? Imnjust thinking that itll be even harder continue to travel to him after baby is born. There'd be you trying to not let baby get squashed while also juggling all the stuff you have to cart about, nappies, bottles if formula and/or managing breast feeding on a packed train/bus.

FanSpamTastic · 19/01/2017 23:50

I just used to ask very nicely and if they did not move then would make a pointed remark like "it's just if I stand for too long then I get light headed and start throwing up". That worked pretty much all the time!

Pinkbottletop · 20/01/2017 00:23

I think you would have to be the lowest kind of human to refuse a seat to a pregnant woman if you had no disability yourself. So disgusted people say no!

KatnissMellark · 20/01/2017 01:01

I live in the West Midlands and tfl posted me a badge.

KoalaDownUnder · 20/01/2017 01:11

Of course you can ask. But don't be surprised if people say no, especially as you probably don't show yet at 5 months.

Why would people say no just because you're not showing?!

Baylisiana · 20/01/2017 01:43

I would not ask the priority seat people first, or target anyone in particular. That is just me being paranoid perhaps because I have a hidden disability and would not be able to stand for the whole journey, but that would not be obvious to someone who saw me sitting on a train. I largely avoid busy trains and reserve seats for this reason.

I think the pp who mentioned sick is onto something. Get your DP to say loudly, and perhaps making semi eye contact with a few likely people....excuse me, would anyone be able to offer my partner their seat as she is feeling very nauseous. The whole carriage will clear .

A family friend travelled on a train in her nineties. No one offered her a seat and she ended up sitting on the floor for most of the way. I have never got over hearing about that, makes you lose all faith in other humans. So sad.

PetalMettle · 20/01/2017 01:56

I used to say to the whole carriage "excuse me, I'm pregnant would someone Let me sit down please?" That negates the whole feeling awkward about asking someone in particular and also the hidden disability worry.
Did that from 12-37 weeks (although the last 2 weeks I was generally offered) and only had one negative response

witwootoodleoo · 20/01/2017 02:08

I have a disability that means I need to sit down. It's a very obvious disability but people rarely offer me a seat on my daily commute on the tube. I like to think it's because they're just not paying attention. I have asking for a seat down to a fine art. I quite loudly but very politely say to the carriage in general 'please could I possibly have a seat I am and struggle to stand up'. That usually works and I thank them profusely. If it doesn't work I keep repeating it explaining that I will fall over. If someone doesn't get up a kind sole will generally intervene and make someone get up . Same approach should work for you - key is to be incredibly polite but loud enough and persistent enough that it's very hard to ignore you :)

Baylisiana · 20/01/2017 19:27

DP is always leaping about offering his seat to anyone who'll listen, but he got burned during the teen for smock tops thinking someone was pregnant who wasn't and is now paranoid.

Baylisiana · 20/01/2017 19:27

Teen? Trend!

NameChange30 · 20/01/2017 19:30

I applied for a Baby on Board badge and got one even though I don't live in London. I do go occasionally although not very often.

Don't wait for people to offer you a seat - just ask. If you're confident and polite it will be fine. Even if the person you ask is difficult, people around them are bound to overhear and offer themselves.

everdene · 21/01/2017 09:14

One of the things I've been most surprised by during my pregnancy is how kind people have been on the Tube.

The best situation is when someone clocks the baby on board badge and says to others 'could someone give their seat up for this lady?'

I've only once had to ask (when I felt really sick). Often people don't notice but a clear, loud 'COULD ANYONE PLEASE OFFER ME THEIR SEAT? I'M WHATEVER MONTHS PREGNANT AND STRUCGLING!' Has always done the trick. I don't target the priority seating as I have a friend with MS who is too shy to sit her ground when asked to move, but really can't stand for long. So a general polite foghorn announcement has always worked well - I'm shy too but standing and seething is worse!

Otherwise, I'd just ask the conductor, they're bound to let you sit in first. Hope it went well!

cheekyfunkymonkey · 21/01/2017 11:49

Go ahead but why ask those in priority seats rather than those in non priority seats? Surely they should give their seats up too?

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