So sick of patronising and dismissive midwives

[Bee513]

Hi,
Just have to get this off my (ever expanding) chest.
Why are midwives consistently known for not listening, taking women seriously and just not being interested? There is something seriously wrong with their training and management, because I've experienced a total of two midwives in two whole pregnancies that buck this trend.
Any tips on how to constructively see this change? Or are your experiences totally different? I have never been so talked down to in my life before by the medical profession.
(Feel a bit better now )
Any organisations I could contact to see this change?

With both pregnancies I had brilliant midwives both community and in hospital. In fact I miss my community midwife now I'm signed off...we hugged it out when it came to her leaving

Health visitors on the other hand....

Thanks for all your messages! I really didn't want to paint everyone with the same brush, but had had repeatedly the same depressing experiences. Somehow just putting it out there has really helped and I feel better about our impending labour in the next week or so... Thanks! Hoping for really positive experiences for those of you with labours coming up and I'll look into any organisations that we can feedback through to try and help services improve....

It's because people love to

A) talk about their pregnancies and births, and

B) complain.

So you're more likely to hear the 'bad' stuff, and more likely to hear it exaggerated.

Tbh I fucking hate when people do the 'all midwives are awful' shit.

They're not.

If you have a bad experience then complain about that person. Don't slag off an entire (incredibly hard working) profession.

Totally agree with this. Couldn't have put it better myself!

Zombie thread.

But also... I disagree strongly.

I had terrible experience with DD1 so went with One2one. Definitely worth swapping to if you're in London or Liverpool/Cheshire.
Absolutely fantastic, always have the same midwife and if you don't gel you can request another. Never have to explain circumstances as they get to know you and this makes everything so much easier. I had DD2 with midwife through one2one and it's the same one this time (my request).

My midwives have all been amazing. Both in the community and at the hospital. Lovely women, really supportive of me, helped me through PND. Couldn't fault the NHS for any of the care I received.

My midwife was incredible, however she is an independent midwife and pro womens choice. She was so empowering and inspiring that I am actually looking forward to labouring dC2 who is due in April, and Dc1 is only 9 months old so all memories very fresh.

It's obviously a more expensive option, but there are some incredible midwives out there who work independently and offer continuity of care from the beginning up until the baby is a month old.

I think unfortunately leadership and team dynamics have a lot to do with this. If it's a midwife team that is poorly managed, where staff are bullied by more senior staff, where there is poor morale, it gets reflected in care. I only had one negative experience with a midwife with my first (I was struggling with bf and I buzzed someone to help me as they asked me to buzz when she was ready for a feed so they could help with my latch, angry cow midwife came in, asked what I wanted, stormed out, stormed back in, slammed - I mean SLAMMED - a glass bottle of formula on the table about 2 feet from my dd's head, and said, "formula was good enough for all my kids, it will be good enough for yours" and stormed back out). I reported that incident and it really did colour my perception of the hospital team. But she is the only one I've ever encountered who was like that.

Otherwise, I've had absolutely lovely midwives. When I experienced a loss with my 2nd pregnancy, they were so supportive, helped me make a decision about what I wanted to do, called to check on me after, were just lovely. I've also had nothing but wonderful experiences this time. I have my own named midwife. I call her and see her for everything, but she usually brings a student along to our appts as well. She's been really supportive and accessible. But the difference is that our hospital is know for having really great care. They've hired the right people. They have the right support and training, morale is good, stress is well managed, etc. That makes all the difference.

Fortunately I have had brilliant care during all 3 pregnancies and births. The only time one midwife got slightly strict with me was when my second child was in distress and I was panicking. Some stern words to focus actually were what was needed and she was very lovely after the birth. However I have had friends in the same hospital who have had completely different experiences. So it really seems to be luck of who you get.

From my experience, I think its a lot to do with location. With #1 who antenatal and birth we're all at Princess Anne in Southampton when I was just 18, they spoke to me like I was an idiot and the student who was with me for most of the labour spent more time talking to my OH. Pregnancy with #2 was community led and had same midwife for most appts and after care. Birth was at Princess Anne again as community unit had no free delivery rooms. It was not the birth i wanted, but staff were more friendly. #3 was community led care and birth and was fabulous. This time has been community led care, and I'm hoping baby comes soon so I can go to the birth centre. If I have to be induced it will be Princess Anne again, which I really don't want.

I had a sonographer at 20 weeks who was so VILE I am still tempted to complain several weeks later.
Even DH commented on it and asked if previously knew her...

Anyone here in the Stockport area? X

Sadly had some very poor midwifery care during my first pregnancy. I think a PP had it right when they said mws seem to see us just as hysterical pregnant women, who complain about things they see all day long.. hence they don’t take us seriously.

My story sadly has a tragic outcome.. I went to the hospital in a lot of pain, but MW thought it was too early for me to be having that much pain and that I was just being fussy. She measured dilation at 4cm and sort of scoffed at how early that was. Couldn’t find heartbeat but thought she’d try again after writing up her notes and kept snapping at me to lie down on my back and let her take the measurements she needed.
Eventually her senior MW came in, about 4-5 mins later, checked dilation, 6cm at this point, yelled at her for not setting off alarm when she couldn’t find HB. Rushed me upstairs for emergency CS, too late sadly I delivered stillborn son about 15 mins later.

Not sure if the first MWs failure to set off alerts caused it - but we’ll never know and we lost crucial time while she patronised me and snapped about it being hours before I’d deliver. She also wrote in the post mortem notes that I was obese and uncooperative.. latter was challenged by senior MW in the investigation, and former by the investigator themselves who noted I’m a size 12 so not obese.

Anyway, end rant. Some MWs are lovely. Some are terrible. The ones who are terrible have such an outsize impact on our experiences, and our entire lives in some cases that you can get quite traumatised by how you’re treated.

I had an absolutely brilliant community midwife, I can't praise her enough, but it made dealing with hospital midwives a terrible shock. I found them really patronising and dismissive in both labours. With my second baby the midwife kept saying "you don't look like you're in labour, that wasn't a strong contraction" when I was trying to tell her I knew my baby was coming, she was born 15 minutes later.

You want to contact AIMS- Association for Improvements in Midwife Services

It does make me angry the stories you hear.

www.aims.org.uk

I am a midwife.....I am not ‘one of those’ midwives. Sad to think some people have generalised so much. There have been times when I have been pushed to the limits and may not have been so smiley! I do think that the profession has been absolutely pushed to the limits. Midwives are not bring midwives like we used to be. As for hearding like ‘cattle’ well......you can blame the government for that. I work in a lovely unit in a nice area and we are so so short on midwives it’s often scary. We are made to work 13 hour shifts and then on call after.....so possibly up to 24 hours. It is hard....many midwives leave - hence the shortage - hence the stress and then being labelled nasty names. I don’t know the answer.

My midwife is absolutely lovely, I feel so lucky to have her. She is always so quick to offer support and help and I don’t feel like I am ever wasting her time. Strangely, as I live in a little village where everyone knows everyone, other people I know have had her and some people have not liked her, whereas I love her! So sometimes it could be something as simple as a personality clash too? The other midwife I sometimes see with her is also lovely! And when I’ve been in a flap at my local maternity unit everyone we’ve met there has been lovely (on both occasions!). I couldn’t fault anyone during my care for this pregnancy (38 weeks on Saturday 😬) and with my two miscarriages last year too. Reading these posts makes me feel extremely lucky.

I also think these people are the professionals, so whether or not you are considered intelligent, it doesn’t mean you know more than the person taking care of you whose job it is to prioritise you and your baby’s health; you both want the same outcome - the safe arrival of your little one, so if you feel talked down to sometimes for the benefit of everyone involved it may be worth just biting your tongue.

I know it will annoy a lot of people to admit but when I was in Leeds all the midwives were bloody awful 11 years ago.
I'm sure things have changed now (one born every minute seems to make it look that way) but wow they were rude :( I was 20 so it may have had something to do with it, I'm not sure, but they were so dismissive and down right mean, I was never sure what I was doing wrong but it may have been because I was so quiet I didn't speak much and I was young. I also wasn't allowed to give birth in the position I wanted, I had to be led down on a bed I was told (she said she didn't want to kneel down), once my son was born I was left for THREE HOURS alone still led on the bed after giving birth, my ladybits torn open and not sewn up, blood everywhere, I was bleeding badly from my placenta being torn out. Then a midwife came in and laughed and said "oh there's somebody in here!" . Horrible experience! And whilst we're on the subject my health visitor in Leeds was beyond awesome, ex midwife, she used to help clean up!! Lol. She was great, a big jolly Jamaican lady that made my day better every time I saw her.

HOWEVER! With my second, in Ormskirk, I can't fault anybody. My community midwife on parbold (who has since been forced to retire) was an absolutely amazing woman, she was like the grandma you always wanted, loving and caring and blimming lovely, on the labour ward etc the midwives again were just wonderful - especially the one who helped me give birth - she was just the best and so accommodating. My community midwife also happened to be popping in the hospital so she managed to see me in labour! However my health visitor was an absolute nightmare, she kept showing up uninvited when I was trying to sleep and called social services when I didn't answer the door ONE DAY (I was in hospital with my son so social services just apologised for wasting my time, she sounded as fed up as I did about this health visitor). She hated the fact I wasn't in much, but it's because my son had a condition and I had to be at alderhey children's hospital, and she for some weird reason didn't understand that it's not a short distance so getting back, having to ask to leave for a few hours during his tests, with him, just to make an appointment with my health visitor was just not possible.

I haven't met my midwife this time but I have met two other midwives who were lovely

I've noticed that a lot of public health info round pregnancy seems to be pitched at the target audience of a dim 14 year old. I was reading a govt website that other day (not UK) that said something like "you will need to do a urine (wee wee) test"

I swear to God 😂🙄

I only had a midwife for post natal care but she was fab, really lovely and helpful with getting sorted for BFing.

I had an obstetrician who never talked down to me at all which was good . He was completely somewhat lacking on any human empathy or care for my physical wellbeing outside of safely birthday the baby (e.g I had terrible nausea and SPD which he gave no help on). I'm using him again this time round as he's an excellent surgeon but have a lovely older female GP as well.

I had fantastic post and ante natal care from the midwives in my area. My experience in the maternity ward was the best. I had the same midwife for the whole time I was in labour (v lucky, her shift started when I did) and she was awesome. I didn't want to go home 😂. Big up to the Beatrice Ward in Salisbury 💓

Mine were generally fine except for one who was a complete bitch to me postnatally and also failed to spot that I had symptoms of an infection in my stitches and also mastitis.

When I was pregnant the second time I saw her once just for a routine check and she was pregnant by then too. I hope she was treated by other midwives better than she treated me.

Yeah, it’s funny how I’ve never felt patronised or talked to as though I’m a stupid person by any of my GPs, or any of the obgyns I’ve seen during this pregnancy etc. Who are all much more medically qualified and experienced compared with the midwives.

My theory is that midwives are so used to seeing largely low-risk cases that many of them default to the assumption that the woman is making too much of it or being too fussy. That fails them when it comes to displaying empathy, and fails them when it comes to spotting higher risk situations. But I don’t know if my theory is true.
My GP otoh has seen people in all stages of life with all sorts of outcomes and so is more able to empathise and be aware perhaps?