Trying to conceive

[Lindafergie]

Hi,
Can't think there's much truth in the idea that it is easier to conceive after strenuous exercise, or by being around babies. I go regularly to the gym and am a childminder to 2 babies 5 days a week, and we have been trying for a baby for 2 years - hasn't worked for me anyway!

I've got an idea selenium was being recommended for men about the time we were going for dd1, not sure if it's still advised though. Something worked anyway!

Just reading a newish book (2000) called 'what really works' by Susan Clark (alternative health journalist in Sunday Times) and the section on fertility advises that even two cups of coffee per day can reduce fertility by 50%! Also cut out alcohol and mucus forming dairy food. Something called red clover apparently can 'help re-establish fertility and balance the acid/alkaline levels of the vagina and uterus'. Selenium, zinc and Vit E (plus calcium, magnesium and iron, organic meats only) all get a mention plus suggesting that a couple give themselves 4 months to improve health before trying to get pregnant.

I've changed my name for this one because the way I am feeling right now is just not me.
We seem to have been trying for our second child forever (well, a year) and are doing all the right things we can think of - monitoring ovulation, eating healthily, cutting out coffee and alcohol, making love regularly right through the cycle (which is regular), etc.
It now looks as though we are going to have to start with medical tests etc, which I am completely dreading - the lack of dignity and the real possibility that the news will be bad at the end of it all, or inconclusive. I am "the right side" of 40 but only just.
In the meantime, the whole thing is eating away at me. I am mean to my partner, cry my eyes out every time I see anything about fertility or childbirth in the press, and am just not functioning well as a kind and thoughtful person.
I do know that here and elsewhere people are putting up bravely with painful and scary illness and treatments and some people will never have the gift of a child at all.
But I need some advice and tips on trying to keep a sense of proportion and how to cope with the monthly disappointment. And, what's involved in fertility investigations? Do you have to wait years for even basic tests on the NHS? What happens in what order?
I'd love to hear from anyone who has been through all this if it's not too painful to go over again. Happy outcomes especially welcome, I haven't got to the stage of resenting successful pregnancies yet, thank goodness.

Miserable, dont give up. I know it feels like one misery after another. Been there with baby 2.

What usually happens is;

Dr will check that you are definitely ovualting, you have a blood test on Day 21 of your cycle.

Keep a temperature chart at the same time as this (take your temp as soon as you wake each day and plot it on graph, it really shows when you ovulate).

If you're not ovulating this will then be dealt with, there is a mild drug that can help etc. (We dont ovulate every month - I didnt know that at the time).

If you are ovulating then they have to look for something else. I think at this point, hubby had to go for his test at hospital, with his little pot!

Then they do 'the morning after' test, forgotten what its called. Morning after 'nookie' (dont shower/bath) you have something similar to a smear test, doesnt hurt. This is to see if you have a 'hostile' environment up there and are killing off sperm.

Next stage if all OK, is when you are put on list for laparoscopy. My hospital wait was 12-18months for this. Got it quicker on private.
Under General Anaesthetic, they check all your tubes and womanly working bits to see if there is a problem.

After that I dont know, I then got unexplained secondary infertility on my notes. Had been trying for nearly three years.

Three months later, I conceived.

It is such complicated, emotional, agonising time, for something that you would think is so simple and is for some people!

I know everyone says it, but just try and take a step back and relax, go away for the weekend, give up on the relentless nookie for a while! Pamper yourself. Let us know how things progress. Keep all fingers crossed for you.

Sorry if I'm duplicating but zinc affects fertility in men and, to a lesser extent, in women. You may find a low GI (glycaemic index)diet helps although as you are having regular periods this may not make much difference. As you're getting near 40 the NHS ought to help you quickly but going private is worth it if you could afford it.

I know one of the early checks is to make sure the tubes are not blocked and they can clear out adhesions if they are. Also there is a drug called clomid that often induces ovulation. You can't try it too often though, not sure why. I'm on a list for women with PCOS and many need help with fertility so if you want information about specific treatments I can probably find out.

Thanks wendym and Ems - I went to the GP's today and got the ball rolling, something I have been putting off for weeks. It was such a relief to acknowledge we had a problem and she was unexpectedly kind and sympathetic.

Miserable, thats really good news, because it is quite a journey to get started on isnt it? Thank goodness you had a sympathetic Dr, that makes such a difference.

Hope it all goes well for you.

A quick Q - I can't remember from my first pregnancy - I am now on day 29 of my cycle, I am usually 25-28 days, and thinking there is the possibility that I could be pregnant, can you still feel as though your period is just about to start at any moment? I've got the type of headache I usually get before a p and weird aches in my lower abdomen, but no bleeding as yet.

We've been trying since Sept and I am fairly relaxed about it, it wouldn't be the end of the world if my period started, but don't want to rush out for a kit just yet.

jodee - yes! In answer to your question, i spent the first 3 months of all 4 pregnancies feeling very premenstrual, abdo pains and everything.
Let us know, best of luck.

Thanks Lill, that doesn't sound very pleasant for you though, and did you have morning sickness on top of that? I will give it another day, and maybe get a kit tomorrow. I hate the thought of building my hopes up. I also feel in a right mood, dh is feeling the brunt, which is a usual pmt kind of thing so will let you know ...

Lill, I've posted another message on the 2nd Time Around thread !!

For those of you out there that are having trouble conceiving, wether it's your first, second or more times that you are trying for a baby and its just not happening. Don't give up.

My husband and I conceived our first child without any problems taking only three months, he was born a healthy 7lbs 1oz in 1995. When he was about 2 years old we decided to try for number 2. As it was so easy the first time around we didn't expect any problems, but boy were we wrong!

We tried for about a year without anything happening at all. I went to the Docs who was very good and arranged some initial tests, internal for me and a visit with a pot for my husband. The Doc found that my womb was lying in the wrong position, backwards not forwards and they also discovered that my husband had antibodies attached to his sperm. The test was relatively new then so they didn't know much about my husbands condition. I had more tests done checking my ovulation, which was fine and then I had to undergo a process used to check for blockages in the fallopian tubes, which was a bit uncomfortable, and that again was ok. The only thing that they could offer us a the end was IVF but we had already decided that we did not want to do it.

The tests all in all were arranged very quickly on the NHS, we had no problem with waiting time.

We just kept on trying, month after month. It was heartbreaking. Nobody knows what you go through unless they have to got through it themselves.

My second son started school. I arranged to start work for an agency and then what do you know...I found out that I was pregnant. After all that time. We were stunned and overjoyed. My second son was born in Sept 2000 weighing a healthy 6lb 7oz.

Don't give up. It's easier if you talk to people then you realise that your not on your own. I hope that this is of some help to someone.

Thanks Daffy, my dd was born june 1999 and I had a miscarriage October 2001, I've been very unhappy at work and was hoping that when I aim to stop in April 2002 things would all work out OK, however after your posting I again realise that that I can't leave things to chance anymore. I met my husband in my mid-thirties, hence we're starting our family that bit later and I feel that as I do so want more children I have no time to wait, it's quite depressing and takes away the sparkle..... If I think any deeper than this I can find it very depressing.

Mommy, the best advice that I was given by everyone I spoke to was to try and relax and not to think too much about it. It's too easy to become obsessed about it all. I did become depressed by it, crying for no apparent reason, and what made it worse was the fact that people kept asking me if we were going to have anymore children. As I said in my last posting, when I stopped thinking about it and got on with my life again, new job etc. etc. it just happened. I thought I'd got a stomach bug.

It will happen, you just can't rush nature, unfortunately. I wish that I'd been able to find this site when I was going through it all.

Try buying a new car and using up your entire savings - worked for me! Wouldn't change it for the world though!