Most unhelpful unsolicited advice/comments while pregnant competition

[fanjobiscuits]

Went shopping today and am due in about a month. Only visited two places. Person behind first till decided to tell me how she could still remember the terrible pain of labour from 18 years ago. Person behind second till told me once I had the baby I would never go back to work. Riiiight.

Went out briefly at the weekend and some random posh-looking woman in the street shouted 'oh my God you're enormous'. Fortunately I don't have body issues but I can imagine some people would have gone home and sobbed.

Who else wants to play? What shall we have as a prize for the winner?

Whilst 10 days overdue and planning to refuse induction (much research done on this after bad induction experience and having refused induction before) a friend texted to tell me that a friend of a friend's baby had died after refusal of induction. I was fizzing mad in a way that only an overdue pregnant woman can be.

A friend of mine, who is normally sensible told me during my first pregnancy that if they had handed her a gun during her labour she would have killed herself as the pain was that bad. That was my favourite.

I had total strangers and friends tell me horror birth stories even if I said " please stop" they just kept talking..

Dsis- on hearing I was pregnant " I thought you wouldn't have dc!
Me- why not?
Dsis- well, me and mum had early menopause so we thought you would to! Haha
Me- did you not think to tell me that?
Dsis- well, you weren't married and those awful boyfriends you had, we thought it better if you didnt!!

When I first told my dm I was pregnant with my second there was a deadly silence, then " is that a good thing?" ( I was an older mum already and would have to have another cs) we planned a second.

Pregnant with first, suffered from 24 hr sickness - dm - " oh, morning sickness is just showing off. I never had it "

On seeing ds dm " oh, he has red hair. Is he dh's?" I have red haired cousins, dh family have red hair.."

Df " that's a massive baby in there, I feel sorry for you"

Mil to dh " she might lose the baby, she is quite old"

Mil used to call once a week and log my weight:) with lots of " you're very heavy, you won't lose the weight" comments

Midwife - everyone gets cut. Get over it. You'll need stitches and it will hurt. Had cs but dh was incandescent with rage at her.

Oh you're pregnant! Should you be telling us yet after last time? from my FIL - I'd had my 4th miscarriage about 6 weeks before. Yep thanks for that!

This is a massive rant and I'm new here so I apologise beforehand. I really needed somewhere to vent and I hope that I've done it with some humour.

I'm 36 and at 16 weeks with my third and showing (a lot - even I'm a bit shocked) and I'm sick of hearing this from almost EVERYONE - "you're looking enormous are you sure its not twins?" - no it's not I've had my first scan.

And these ones are mostly family member's lovely comments.
"You're showing way too much for 16 weeks - you're bigger than so and so who's 26 weeks" cheers for that.
"You're almost as big as so and so and she's due in a fortnight."
"Do you think you should be eating that much you're showing rather a lot already" erm I'm hungry.
"My god you're enormous - when so and so had her third she wasn't showing at all til 6 months and her baby was 10lbs" My other two were nearly 10lbs - big deal.
"Wow is that twins or have you been hitting the pies too often" - yeah I like pies - whatever.
"You're huge, your other two must have completely ruined your stomach muscles" - you try having two 10lb babies before you're 23 and keeping that flat stomach you NEVER had.
"you'd better watch out or you're going to end up huge and no amount of breastfeeding is going to shift that blubber" - lovely MIL.
"are you sure you've got your dates right?" - well unless my scan was wrong, I didn't know when I conceived exactly and I hadn't had a period the month before then erm...

Just for the record, my baby is a little above average size, my weight gain is within normal, my baby is just swimming in a nicely sized pool of amniotic fluid and I have IBS and bloat really easily.

ANd on a different note - regarding maternity leave (I am a self employed piano/singing tutor) I've had these responses.
"You'll be back teaching me after Xmas won't you - my brother can look after the baby while you teach me" - I'm due December and her brother is being investigated for child abuse so erm.... NO.
"You will be putting so and so in for their exam still?" - the exam sessions are the week I'm due, which I had just mentioned.
"You won't need to take much maternity will you - it's not as if your job is hard" - no it's just your child that makes it difficult.
"At least you'll be able to come back to teaching again very soon after the baby is born - your partner works from home doesn't he?" yes he WORKS from home too.
"You will still be putting on the Christmas show won't you? I think it's really important for * to get the performance experience" - well of course providing your child with an opportunity to perform is WAY more important to me than the birth of my own baby.
"I hope you're not taking time off before the baby is due as well as after it's born, I think it would be bad for so and so's momentum and interest to have that much time away from his studies" - honestly just get another teacher your kid is talentless and rude, rather like their mother.
"Do you think you can organise your scans and ante natal appointments so that they don't clash with my lesson in future". Yes because I'm the god of all hospital appointments and your needs are far greater than mine or my child's. (this person does not work at all)
Needless to say I have taken some time off work this week - just so I don't punch them in the faces.

thought i would chip in after beloved daughter age 9 informed me earlier that

"now your bum is this big (stretches arms as wide as poss), it wobbles when you walk" and then parades up and down the hallway to show me what i look like.

Am 36 wks on thurs and didnt think i had done too bad with the weight gain. ah, the honesty of children!

someone in the womens loos at work once said to me while I was about 7 months pregnant that
You're so fat now that your husband wont find you attractive

When pg with dd ( dc1)..."what if she looks like you??" I am not that ugly!!!
When dd was born and was much paler than me ( I am mixed race)...." Is she REALLY your daughter???

When pg with ds ( dc2) said by dsil " hope he is not as ugly as my brother "( dh) also not that ugly!!!

Ds born and looking like me and pp said..".is ds your husbands son???"

This pg....can you afford it??? We both have good jobs / house etc... Said by dsil
Dsil " gosh aren't you too old?"

Said by ds ( almost 14) and dd ( almost 19) " you guys had sex??? " :)

Said my ds few weeks later....you know mum, don't worry if people think you look 42...you never looked prettier !!!

Dh when told about pg " I got super sperm!!!" Lol

"was this pg planned?" from GP. code for "are you keeping baby?"
WTAF???
That's way beyond unhelpful. that is the most disgusting, outrageous & evil thing I ever heard from a health professional!

There'll only be 16 mos between DC1 and DC2 so I have had:

"have you not worked out how it happens yet?"
"My word, you're constantly pregnant"
"Blimey, you're big, are you sure there's only one?"

In terms of advice, someone asked me worriedly, "How are you certain those Clexane injections aren't hurting the baby." and then gave me a cats' bum mouth when I explained that, thank you for the compliment, but I had enough covering for that not to be an issue!!

My own Mum is quite good about pregnancy, it's the advice afterwards that drives me crazy. Added to which my SIL's advice about pregnancy, birth and babies is irritating. My MIL response to every "no thank you" is "sigh, it's a miracle I managed to raise six kids." Well done you. I still don't think that white chocolate which is full of rubbish is a suitable snack for a 7mo old. If you wanted to give her 70% dark chocolate, I'd probably think that was a bit better so long as I can have some too

"oh so you want a boy then" DC1 is a DD

don't mind either way.

"Really??"

Really.

I got one from bro in law, are you hoping its a boy, because if its a girl are you worried it will look like dh and be a girl. wtf?

when my 5th pg ended in a MC, my supposedly best friend's comment was : "oh, I'm actually glad this pg didn't work out, it would have been so hard looking after 5 kids!"

we have 6 kids now, and yes it is hard, but despite this person being godmother to one of our children I no longer consider her my friend

(I'm still heartbroken about loosing that baby, she'd be four and I miss her every day )

oops, missed out a bit - I was going to say:

we have 6 kids now, and yes it is hard, but I love having a big family!

I was asked by a woman at work who I did'nt know at all well whether my pregnancy was the product of a one night stand (?!). It was all quite random in the kitchen making a cuppa. I was like, err.. nooo - I have a partner thanks.

On a slightly related note: MIL on being informed of my second pregnancy-

'Oh, yes, we all knew you were pregnant because you weren't drinking at the wedding'

Well, thanks very much for pissing all over that news then. A 'congratulations' wasn't one of your first thoughts? ? Never mind the fact that I personally don't think it's especially stylish to be drunk in charge of a minor, particularly at a venue which borders an unfenced river, despite some people seeming to think that being mashed whilst looking after their babies is all a hilarious game... or that DD was pretty overwrought with all the excitement and our main aim was to make sure she didn't spoil the happy couple's day by having a meltdown in the middle of something picturesque. And if it was so bloody obvious I was up the duff, it would have been nice if it'd crossed your mind to, perhaps, give us a bit of a hand with the child-wrangling for a few minutes, what with me feeling sick and tired all the bloody time?

Aaaaaand, relax...

When my DS was 10 days old my neighbour (guy) asked: so when is the baby due? I have to point out that I was back in my pre-preg size 12 jeans...

I've had

"You're always pregnant" and "That was quick" from a work colleague. Apparently the mmc in Oct doesn't count. Idiot.

"So, if you're 5 weeks it meant your period was on 13 April?" from MIL. How odd is that?! Who wants to know shit like that, let alone work it out. Obviously that comment was some time ago

"Labour doesn't really hurt, it's all in the mind, just breathe through it."

Have to say I had a fairly easy labour that didn't hurt as much as I expected, but it was NOT 'pain-free' and at 30ish weeks I was torn between laughing in her face and telling her to fuck off...

@mmmeranque

"Labour doesn't really hurt, it's all in the mind, just breathe through it."

I nearly forgot, but I had a similar comment too with my first pregnancy.
This came from my very own mother.

More things she said during my first pregnancy.

I was being lazy.
I was having a lot of health problems during my first pregnancy and my midwife told me to stop working. At home I wasn't allowed to do a lot.

Then it's so nice to hear your very own mother say that I was being lazy.
Yeah sure, I really enjoyed feeling sick all the time!??!?!?! NOT!!!

To make labour easier and quicker for me my partner had to finger me during the start of the delivery.

First of all like I'd be even remotely interested in any sexual activity during my delivery.

She kept on saying that to me. Every time she said that it just turned my stomach around. Like I want to talk with my mum about fingering my .... Let alone hear her giving that advice to my partner to do that during labour.

Other family members told me I was going to get a lot of stitches down there. Because you're small, so you must be small down there too.

I was like: That's none of your business!!!
After birth I didn't need any stitches at all and all my kids were really big baby's.

"So, if you're 5 weeks it meant your period was on 13 April?" from MIL. How odd is that?! Who wants to know shit like that, let alone work it out.

That reminds me of the time DH and I went to a party when I was pregnant. One of our friends asked us the due date and we told him and he said "So that means you guys were getting jiggy on ... let's see [starts counting on fingers]". I didn't know where to look!

Curry and Sex,

All anyone talks about in the last month is Curry and Sex Get That Baby Out! (DS was 5 days early, not even in 40+ weeks!)

(Your fingering thing made me remember how much that irked me, syl eww on your behalf, and there was no way I was having sex while that pregnant, or eating a bowl of hot heartburn.)

I was asked "Is it planned?" by two separate wedding dress shop saleswomen.

Maybe having a wedding and a 22 week old baby is madness but yes, we did plan it this way actually! I just don't think they realise how rude the question is. And actually, even though it's tough having a baby and wedding planning at the same time I think that it would be harder if I was still working full time.

I bought a dress from a lovely shop who didn't make any comments when I showed up at six months pregnant to order it and were delighted to meet my baby when I returned to pick it up!

Five people today have said 'you look tired'
One person today has said ' you look like shit'
I guess I don't look like I am blooming then and I probably look like a week old baked potato. Don't really need anyone to keep reminding me.

When i first announced my August due dc, i had cRecently I've