Who has a glass of wine? No bashing please

[Mamabear12]

I have a glass of wine once a week. A small glass and I feel guilty about this. Although, the midwife said this is fine. With my first I had a glass prob once a month. I was more strict. Also, this time around I have coffee (one cup made at home) every other day. I feel guilty about that as well.

Please list how often you drink either wine or coffee. If you don't drink either at all, no need to post please.

[rootypig]

at BunnyLion, good for you. There should be an American ILs support thread. My MIL has been completely unable to mind her own business have a life at all since I got pregnant with her first grandchild.

I avoided alcohol in the first trimester, as I read that that is the highest risk time. I drank probably about a glass once a week in the second trimester, but I had quite a nervous pregnancy, in terms of my fears for the baby's health, so by the third I was pretty much teetotal again.

All that said, I agree with SolidGoldBrass that in this country and many others, many whose instinct it is to control women's behaviour leap at the chance that pregnancy offers to do so. I think that this much more widely accepted in America, with its more conservative political landscape. Women should make their own choices and be told that that's ok. I drank plenty of tea and litres of coke at one particularly nauseous point ate runny eggs and seafood and quite a few McDonalds cheeseburgers, avoided liver and pate, quit smoking in order to conceive. While breastfeeding I have been very relaxed about drinking and had one or two cigarettes.

The fact is, from the moment I conceived I started making choices for my child, balancing my need and hers within the realm of what is possible. This is going to continue for a loooong time and there is no way I can or should make all those choices for her benefit alone. Partly because my needs and desires still have a place here, thanks - though there are plenty of right wing fruitcakes who would happily erase that from the equation - and partly because you are bonkers if you think you can protect a child from all harm, even known ones.

[rootypig]

Autumn I got told off by a Sainsburys cashier for buying a bottle of wine! wasn't even for me, FFS, not that it would have been any of her business if it was.

[PicardyThird]

I kept off alcohol completely - apart from a sip of champagne on my 30th birthday when 12 weeks pregnant with dc2 - for roughly the first half of each pregnancy. After that I had a glass of wine every couple of weeks.

When pregnant, I try to keep to what is currently considered as the safe caffeine limit - I have either one coffee (made in a French press) or two cups of tea and some decaf coffee a day.

[Autumn12]

A pregnant friend of mine got lectured by an older woman for standing in the alcohol aisle of a supermarket with her partner. She wasn't even looking for herself. It's crazy how some people think they have the right to comment.

Funnily enough the friends partner is a scientist and was perfectly happy for his partner to drink moderately during her pregnanc,y because his scientific knowledge plus the studies he himself has undertaken reassure him that the risk is low unless you are drinking heavily.

[rootypig]

I'd be interested to know if anyone had a disagreement with their partner over the risks? DH was very relaxed, thank goodness - though he knows that I researched things and took the choice seriously.

[gourd]

I had wine on my birthday, half a glass but otherwise none.

[RoxyLady]

Im dont drink at all because Im too worried about harming my baby more than my own selfish needs.

[BlingLoving]

rootypig Not me and DH no because DH knew that a) I had done my research and was making sensible choices and b) we had discussed those choices and the rationale behind them and c) he gets that it's my body, my choice. He was bloody grateful that I went through the whole pregnancy thing and did whatever it took to make it easier for me.

But I have met couples who have their DH hovering like little old ladies around children with muddy feet, "are you sure you should have that?" " I don't think you should be eating that".

One friend's DH tried to do the same to me. Needless to say he was quickly, firmly but politely told where to stick it.

[sheeplikessleep]

At the in-laws at the weekend and was told 'sheeplikessleep can't drink it' as the bottle of white wine was being offered around with Sunday lunch.

I did smirk (inwardly) as my MIL was quite happy to smoke endlessly and in every room in the house whilst we were there. Seriously, I'd take the occasional glass of wine over passive smoking any day.

[Jembop]

I didn't drink in the first trimester once I found out I was pregnant bar half a pint of cider at a festival, but did have a very small glass or two - or three - of wine most weeks after that if I fancied it.

I relished ordering alcoholic drinks with a massive bump!

While breastfeeding, I have had a few drinks most weeks if I feel like it. If I want a night out and more than one drink I'll express enough for a few feeds beforehand.

I had my baby just before Christmas and had a glass of fizz over the festive period - when I mentioned this to the midwife she gave me a real dressing down and told me not to drink at all. I was quite upset and stopped drinking completely, for a few weeks.

My FIL won't offer me wine now if we're eating with them, which annoys me immensely. Especially as MIL said she drank through pregnancy and while breastfeeding and he always buys really good wine

[Jembop]

Meant to add - I didn't drink any coffee except decaf, and pretty much the same with tea bar the odd cup. The coffee shop opposite work does a fab proper freshly ground decaf and I get a bit of a funny tummy with too much caffeine which I wanted to avoid.

[FoofFighter]

Roxylady:



or should that be:

[1789]

moderation is definitely key! i definitely don't worry about the occasional glass of wine or cup of coffee. but i wouldn't touch aspartame-laced diet soda when i'm pregnant (or not for that matter)!

[happyyonisleepyyoni]

after the first 12 weeks I had my 2 units twice a week every week, and enjoyed it. so there.

stayed on that regime while BF for the first few months but after the first 6 months alcohol intake gradually went back to pre DC levels. Have a healthy and bright 2 year old with an alarming taste for white wine now though!

[Teaandflapjacks]

Mmmmmm. I put a counter argument in - just to give a balance of views here, partic when some new pregnant women may read this. My ten cents:- I spoke at great length to my very experienced Gyn. here (germany) on this - she is an infertility expert and helped me after a year of trying, a miscarriage last year, before I fell pregnant with my little one currently cooking. She said yes there are many conflicting reports, however the fact remains alcohol passes over from the mother to the baby via the placenta, and the developing baby cannot filter it out in the same way. As such there is no known 'safe' limit, since when you have a drink it could be at a crucial stage in the babys development. There are some major known issues with some of the studies - such at the 2012 Danish one, where 51% did not respond - was this because they had drunken, even a small amount, and their children had issues? We have no idea of the real impacts of this - in so much that issues such as dyslexia, for example, could be caused from this (my docs words not mine). I have a friend who tucked into two or three glasses a week - her baby was born with a heart defect. I have another friend who tucked into 5 glasses a week - her baby has delayed motor and cognitive functions, I have another friend, who's mother drank a few glasses each week during pregnancy with her - she has a heart murmur and dyslexia. I could go on. How do we know this is not from drinking in utero? And look at the level of mental health issues in the UK - 1 in 4 I think - how do we know this does not correlate in some way? Where is the proof it doesn't? We know so very little about the brain and cognitive functions in reality. This is nothing to do with standard IQ tests. It is effectively 8 1/2 months give or take - if you are unaware for the first month your are pg (and at this stage it is ok since embryo not yet implanted) - and we have such great alcohol free beer options these days. The same like just don't smoke. The point is yes you must not give your life over to a child - but when the baby is in your womb, there is nothing they can do about it. Once they are out -drink away if you want to - via FF or expressing or feed timing etc.

Anyway for me - I have severe MS throughout so I have no desire for alcohol - and have an alcohol free beer occasionally. I have the odd cup of caffeine tea but mainly de-caff. But I don't judge others who do drink at all - their choice, but I would say something if a friend smoked while pg probably, if anything to offer support to help them stop. But likewise I get a bit upset when people think I am being a bit over top and say 'oh go on, you can you know, it is just to control women this advice' etc etc - no it isn't in my view, and I am not going to ram it down your throat so please don't do the same back to me, kind of like religion I guess. And on the DH aspect - he would have gone with whatever I want, but he was clearly relieved when I said def no alcohol, since it is half his child too - he has also done his research and sat with my Gyn. and heard her views, and I think he has some say in it personally.

[bicyclebuiltforfour]

Adding another American insight...

When I told my insurance company I was pregnant they went through a patronising 'quiz' with me over the phone to 'help' determine my risk of premature birth or something. One of the questions was whether I drank any alcohol. I, stupidly, said yes, about a glass of wine a week. The nurse I spoke with gave me the full 10 yards about how I was harming my baby and then said she had to check the box of 'drinker' on my form. This would result in my OB being contacted and me likely being recommended for 'help with alcohol'. I managed to convince her not to but still... Not sure if this was an American attitude, my insurance company's, or just a poorly designed form (where one sip is viewed in the same way as a bottle of vodka a night) but it was pretty shocking to me. Since that point whenever anyone asked whether I drank, I replied in the negative.

[fibrecruncher]

Well said/drawn FoofFighter and RoxyLady the post from Mamabear12 clearly says no bashing please. I'd suggest if wanted to write one about condemning women for having a glass of wine during pregnancy you should start a new thread. As for being selfish, yes indeed. I'm finding pregnancy incredibly difficult. After 30 odd years my body for the time being is nolonger mine in so many aspects, that is not easy to adjust to. And I cheers to that! /emo/te/wine.gif

[MrsFruitcake]

Both times I went off coffee, but would drink about 2-3 tea-cups (the small ones with a saucer) of milky tea a day.

No alcohol in first pregnancy until about 20 weeks and then only a tiny glass when the mood took me, which wasn't often In the second pregnancy, i had about two glasses for the whole pregnancy, both times on special occasions.

it was a concious decision to not drink alcohol though.

[honeytea]

The Swedish attitude to alcohol extends to worry about how much alcohol the husband/partner drinks. We had to fill out a form at my booking in appointment and the questions included "how many drinks did you drink each week pre pregnancy" as well as "how many drinks do you drink each week" whilst pregnant.

I have a friend who's dp works in promotion for a drinks company so drinks a drink or 2 4-5 nights a week, maybe not a healthy amout to drink but non of the midwifes business really. He was sent to a quit alcohol group

I conceived ds on a particually boozy skiing trip, it was the month before we were due to start IVF and I had had a scan of my overies and was told I would not ovulate that month so I just enjoyed maybe a little too much alcohol and tried to forget about the IVF starting the month after. The alcohol I drank was all before my period was due, I actually think it was all before implantation but on my pregnancy notes it still mentions this alcohol intake as a worry.

[Squitten]

I don't drink coffee but will have 2 or three cups of tea a day. I have about a glass of wine per week. If we are at home on a weekend, we will sometimes buy a bottle to have with Sunday lunch and that will be my glass. It's not regular though - I haven't drunk any alcohol for about 3wks now because we haven't been home at weekends.

I had my booking in appoint two weeks ago and when I said I drank a glass per week, the midwife gave me a very polite smack on the wrist and said I shouldn't drink any at all. Awkward...!

[Bunnylion]

Really interesting to hear how it is seen around the world.

I guess there is a whole spectrum of cautiousness when it comes to drinking alcohol, where you decide to sit on that spectrum is 100% your choice. So long as all women are fully informed and free to make their own rational decision then it's not anyone's business to pass judgement either way.

Personally, I have a couple if drinks if I want to. I don't want dirty looks when I do, just as much as I wouldn't want anyone telling me I should drink if I decided not to - 100% the mothers choice.

I think that's what my number 1 big irritant is when it comes to my pregnancy, everyone seems to want to tell me what to do. Like I'm no longer an intelligent and capable person able to make sound decisions. Glad to see there's so much support and positivity on here instead.

[Teaandflapjacks]

To be honest ladies I think bunnylion has it spot on - well said chick. I was just putting in the opposite view - not flaming or whatever the wording is for this stuff likewise when people say people like me are being daft or being controlled or whatever it is. Not quite sure what another poster meant but there is no need to start some weird thread condemning women on having a drink! Women have enough to put with without attacking each other. I was certainly not doing that, I sincerely hope it did not come across as such, but this is a forum where we are able to have free speech on, I hope usually with common decency, and in the interests of impartiality adding some info that I would hope would be taken at face value as a wish to help other women make informed choices if they come on here looking at both sides of a very difficult debate. xx

[HorryIsUpduffed]

Tea if I can't get decaff.

Alcohol on special occasions.

In fairness, I am a cheap date pretty sensitive to both, so that single glass at a special lunch has me squiffy enough not to consider driving. Ditto caffeine - one coffee has me twitching like a meerkat.

[OneFingerSjupesUpTheYoni]

Didn't have a drink last night but today has been awful both dc have been just terrible so i'm having a bottle and am happy :)