Its a girl!- bugger

[HotPie]

So I am 19 weeks gone with baby number one and just found out its a girl. The baby in my head was a boy. We were going to play lego and climb trees and get muddy together.

I thought at first it would be ok, after all its up to me and my partner how we raise her, but friends with girls have said I may not be able to avoid the pink princess stage, my mother in law is intent on dolls and frills and the other "mothers of girls" are drving me crazy with talk of "cuteness"

I have no interest in "sweet little outfits" or those flowery headbands (how weird are they) or playing with dolls and I dispise the kind of girl who plays "dressing up as princesses" just as much as I did when I was a little girl too. I am so scared I am going to get a pink loving girl and that I will dislike my daughter.

I feel like a terrible person, I know how lucky we are to have a ( hopefully) healthy child on the way. Please someone tell me about their mud loving daughter.

[Mintyy]

Oh I would be so deeply upset if Mumsnet didn't have those bonkers books threads every now and then! I love them.

"We have 150 books in our downstairs loo alone"

"I couldn't breathe without books"

"I'd rather lose my house than my books"

etc

[Heinz55]

I was the same - and my DD is very girly. Mostly though she is a lovely sweet person and I feel very very privilaged to have her. What made me get over my disappointment was other people voiced their disappointment: oh what a shame, maybe the next one will be a boy (said by two people).

[SantanaLopez]

But don't you see you're just as bad as everyone else by stating that you don't like girly?

[Heinz55]

PS I've since had a boy and my DD - though girly - was far more of a daredevil than he. We spent most of her first 5 years in a&e. He is far too cautious to have even a scraped knee.

[worsestershiresauce]

My niece loves everything pink and sparkly. She also loves digging in the garden, mud, streams, frogs and playing football. She's five. Girls aren't one thing or the other they are proper individuals and lots of fun!

[Meringue33]

I wanted a girl - got a boy. It took me two days to get over the disappointment, but for a while I was still secretly saying to myself "next one will be a girl."

15 weeks on and I love him so much I want a whole family of boys, he's brilliant and I can't imagine why I ever thought I'd want a girl!

[FOURBOYSUNDER6]

I agree with fluffy 1234 !!!
Very honest of you to share your feelings op - but quite upsetting/insensitive too:

I had two miscarriages before I had ds1 and gender preferences were the last thing on my mind during this successful pregnancy.

However, I think these feelings are normal and common and I had the odd 'moment ' at times even though deep down I knew health was priority and i would never have it any other way now

When I was pregnant with ds4 people often presumed I must be 'trying for a girl' otherwise I would not have had 'so many children'.

Once you have this baby you will be thrilled and you will bond and you would not wish to swop it for a boy ever !!!

My niece is gorgeous in beautiful navy and other colours ( my sister is not at all a girly pinkie lover) and plays with her brothers toys over her own ....

When I was young and foolish i dreamed of a child who would read quietly and play the piano and be a lovely nerdy geek. I naively presumed I would have a daughter given the odds of 50:50 Instead I have four boisterous boys. Nature is funny.

Wishing you a healthy and happy pregnancy ....

Maybe choose a name ???? It might help you bond ???

You may also be blessed with a son in the future ?????

[Sleepyfergus]

I really find this type of post offensive. If you don't want a girl then you shouldn't have got pregnant. You don't know just how lucky you are being pregnant. I've been down the infertility route (thankfully blessed with a dd from treatment and a further dd2) and have a friend who would give her left arm to get pregnant at the moment.

What unbelievable pressure you are placing on your unborn daughter. Heaven forbid she wants to play with dolls, or like pink. Chances are she will at some stage and you will just have to grit your teeth through it all. It's called unconditional love. I hope you experience this, then look back at this post and realise how completely RIDICULOUS you sound.

[Meringue33]

Sorry, moral of the story was, you will fall in love with whatever you have! Pick an awesome name for her now and start talking to her about all the fun stuff you're going to do together - you're halfway there!

[snickersnacker]

You know your daughter's sex.

You don't know her gender and you won't for some time.

[honey86]

ive got 2 boys and a girl. im not a fan a pink n sparkly either, but my daughter is. but we have such a good relationship.

i dont care what toys my kids play with or what colours they are into. i let them grow into what they want. i didnt have them to create a copy of me.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

You're getting a little person to love just like you !
What's not to love ?!
(I have one of each BTW, both their own unique selves of course )

[mistlethrush]

I really wanted a girl. By the time I eventually got sucessfully past 10 weeks (6 years down the line) I really didn't care what the sex was - and by the end of the pregnancy was even veering slightly towards a boy as we have two nieces and he would be the first boy in the family. DS is now 8.

As a child I loved playing in the mud, riding my bicycle, climbing trees and playing with lego - and I never went through a 'pink' phase (although I think the whole clothes issue was somewhat different then). You don't need to buy pink things, you can encourage outdoor pursuits - just enjoy having a healthy, happy child and help them to become the person they want to.

[rrreow]

We were going to play lego and climb trees and get muddy together.

I'm a girl (last time I checked.. I better be as otherwise there's nowhere for the baby I'm pregnant with to come out of..), my favourite toy as a child was (totally still is..) lego and I climbed trees a lot, and I wasn't even particularly a 'tomboy' as such, they were just my interests along with other more 'girly' things.

I understand gender disappointment though. I had it but the other way around (expecting 2nd boy when I really wanted a daughter). I think it's important to acknowledge and perhaps even 'grieve' for the baby of the gender you're not having, but in the end your DC will be your wonderful child with their wonderful personality regardless of whether their chromosomes spell XX or XY.

It might help to have a look into theories of gender and how much of gender classification/stereotypes/behaviour is learned, influenced & reinforced by society. I seem to recall a chapter in the book "What Every Parent Needs to Know" looking at people's differing reactions to a baby where 50% were told it was a boy, and the other 50% that it was a girl.

[LynetteScavo]

My DD loves mud. She has never shown any interest in anything pink or sparkly. I have inflicted upon her a very pale pink wall in her bedroom. That is the sum of the pinkness in her life.

[K8Middleton]

Your dd might be a ds despite the scan

I think some of these posts are a bit desperate to be seen to be right on and I don't really believe most of these posters are outraged as they claim. Gender disappointment is real and inexplicable. Bemusement at having our gender assumption challenged is also normal. Getting all hysterical about how some random woman on the Internet feels is a bit much IMHO.

Op, you will be fine. You will at times not like your child very much - often when they have crayoned their name on to the bathroom wall or when they give their younger sibling a swipe. You will also love them fiercely and discover shared interests and new interests. Their sex is irrelevant to all of that but it is relevant to how others behave. There will be quite a lot of gender bias, sterotyping and maybe even discrimination. Your job as your child's parent is to help her navigate that in such a way as to allow her to develop her own personality, achieve her full potential and become her own person.

You have made a great start by acknowledging your feelings and your fears. I wish you and your daughter every happiness and a wonderful relationship.

[scissy]

OP I know where you're coming from. Before dd was born I was nervous about her being a 'girly girl' but only because I'm not in any way and wouldn't know what to do/felt we wouldn't have much in common. But, she's lovely, I don't buy her pink (the only pink stuff she has is presents) and if she does go through a princess phase I'm sure we'll cope

[Springforward]

OP, you might find some reassurance on www.pinkstinks.org.uk, I've just had a little read for the first time because of this thread and it kind of felt like what I've been trying to say to my blessed sisters ever since the 20 week scan.

Interestingly MIL, who is desperate for a DGD (don't get me wrong, she loves DS) turned up the other day with some newborn clothes which were obviously "girl" but definitely not pink. I have a good MIL, bless her....

[EeyoreIsh]

Sorry op, but I'm in the 'that's offensive' camp.

I would love a baby. I don't mind if it's a boy or a girl, it would be a blessing abs being joy (and sleepless nights! ) to my life. Instead, I have fertility problems. my one pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. I'm now facing ivf.

Do you want to swop?

[HotPie]

You are having trouble having a baby but otherwise you are healthy. My sister has cancer. I am offended by how you are not just feeling happy to not have cancer.

Do you want to swap with her?

See how silly that it?

Acting offended by a stranger's feeling is really daft. Yes of course we should all count out blessings but I refuse to feel guilt for my emotions.

[HotPie]

everlong, I refer you to my previous posts on the subject of "girls" vs "girly"

[IAteTheCake]

We were convinced dd would be a boy. It took a week after the birth to get to grips with the fact she is a girl. She is now 2 next month and neither of us would wish for anything else. She loves Thomas the tank engine as much as a doll, is full of beans and adventurous. I was never a girly girl growing up and can totally empathise with your feelings. I can tell you at the end of the day you love them so much all the pink stuff pales into insignificance. Now the pink vs blue toys, clothes etc that is another subject....but we just make the decision to expose Dd to everything so she can make up her own mind on what she likes....