Shut up about your ruined vagina already!!

[plannedshock]

Just that really, I can switch off to the horror stories of labour but its really freaking me out how many women are saying they are ruined down there-I expect change don't get me wrong but I'm being told you end up disfigured and never have sex and can't walk/perch again!!! Anyone had a baby and managed to be normal(ish) down there?

Have had two large boys- one episiotomy and one tear. Was fine within days. I only know one person who had longer term damage and she was fine after a year.
I find sex is better than it was before as I am looser. It is all tickerty boo down there!
TBH you don't even feel the tear when it happens- the contractions are more painful!!

I had an episiotomy with dd and did feel different afterwards so I chose a c section with ds (dd was also traumatic labour in general). But I think I was unlucky... still in good working order though and sex is fine!

2 DCs - first one involved 4 hours in theatre after the birth as they tried to manually remove the placenta, second one was a CS after failed forceps.

despite first one having a head circumference on the 97th percentile i even had the nurse at my last smear test need to fetch a smaller speculum my fanny is just fine and dandy!

Yes. I had a second degree tear but all is well now (6 months post birth). Pelvic floor fine too. IBS much improved.

Only advice: if the midwife says stop pushing, really try

I had a third degree and then 2 second degrees. Feels less sensitive for a while - then all back to normal. Fear not! The fanjo horror stories were true in my experience, but time is a great healer - and not too much time either!

Tore both times, had forceps, I can walk, go running, go on kids trampoline, bouncy castle, sneeze etc no problem whatsoever. Both big babies, as this one seems (36 weeks) though even when not pregnant when I need a wee I don't hang about!!

Lol poor you hearing all these horror stories! Honestly women would not repeat the process over and over if that was the case! I don't doubt some women may have trouble but I think the majority recovers well I'm pg with dc no 4 and everything is in tact and working well! Sex is better if anything, Only ever had 1 small tear which I never felt happening and it healed quickly with no problems! Good luck I'm sure you will be just fine x

Have had 3 big DCs n 30 weeks with no 4. tore all 3 times, didnt feel it due to the pain of crowning! fanjo back to normal each time, took a few wks after dc1 but that wasnt a great birth. vaginas are very forgiving things!

After two second degree tears and stitches I'd expect my bits to be more ruined than your average woman. I have a good strong pelvic floor and things got better in the bedroom department after dc2. Vaginas ping back to normal. Don't worry about it.

Oh and I can't recommend arnica drops enough after birth. I healed quicker than the first time with them, and made everything less painful down there.

I had a 2nd degree tear. Yes, it is a bit different, but it's not horrific or ruined.

Oddly I find sex more satisfying and another mum friend confessed the same, so take from that what you will!

Had an episiotomy - beforehand would've been horrified if I'd known I was going to have one, having heard horror stories. But it's healed up almost invisible - DP reckons the only sign it was ever there is a tiny silvery scar, literally a hair's breadth, which is only visible if you're looking for it. No other ill effects at all.

Be aware though, in the few weeks immediately after birth it will feel really weird - like everything's out of place. That doesn't last, all felt normal again after a few months.

In hindsight tho, would definitely have invested in one of those inflatable doughnut/valley cushions - would have made the fortnight after birth a lot more comfortable!

I had my pfb 11 days ago and had an episiotomy, I have no idea what it looks like or feels like down there as I'm too scared to check, all I know is I can pee & poo so 2 out of 3 holes are fine, the doctor may well have stitched my fanny shut.

I feel perfectly normal in my nether regions a mere 2 weeks post birth. OK so I have some not quite healed stitches, but they no longer hurt, nothing is flapping about, I don't leak wee and my baby's head size was on the 97th percentile. Ignore the horror stories. Some women seem to go in for them in an almost competitive way.

precisely why i read this book (recommended by a kind mumsnetter)

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00867U590/ref=oh_d__o00_details_o00__i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

and seriously considering elcs.

I had stitches but its all fine ... I think I probably worried about things like this beforehand but its a small sacrifice I'm sure most would say and you will soon have lots more to worry about!

I had 2nd degree tear and a labia tear. I did feel at times that it was all ruined down there especially when I found a labia tear that noone bothered to tell me about it. Now it is all fine down there (2 years on) not the same but not terrible... I found pelvic floor exercise helps. Need to do more nowadays as pregnant with second. I am not sure who goes around talking about their vaginas like that...

I was fine, no difference really.

...and mine were 9 pounders! (shameless brag)

Please don't worry. Like you, I worried so much before DC1. Someone in a cafe I overheard just before birth, was explaining to her friend how she had gone from being a "neat rosebud to a loose Georgia O'Keefe orchid", which made me feel sick with worry.

I had a massive episiotomy, lots of stitches and some temporary nerve damage so for about 8 weeks I did think it had all come to pass, but then it was ALL FINE! tra-la-la! DP swears that there is absolutely no difference during sex. If I sneeze on a full bladder, I've found it is prudent to sort of bend forward a bit, but otherwise it's good.

I'm probably going to get flamed here but to be honest...

You chose to get pregnant and you seem like a relatively intelligent person....pregnancy, labour and birth is risky - all sorts of things could happen and a lot of the time it can't be completely controlled. Yes, you're going to hear horror stories because, well, horrible things can and do happen...and you're going to hear wonderful stories because they happen too.

My story - 22 hours labour, got stuck at 3 cms for over 12 hours decided on epidural even though that was not my plan because I just couldn't handle the pain. 3 - 10 cms in less than 15 minutes after that and DS was born less than an hour after that...and I didn't even have a graze - and he almost shot out - and I could feel everything but the pain so pushing was a complete doddle. My story though is no more or less valid than someone's story who had just about everything go wrong that you can think of and now has to face the possibility of a colostomy bag years later because the reconstructive surgery they've had hasn't worked....

Birth is risky.

My best friend is mildly incontinent since having her DD via c-section; my bits are all in full working order after a vb despite having an episiotomy - it really is the luck of the draw I think! Oh, and I agree sex is definitely better now - I read that it's because the nerve endings are closer to the surface after everything has been stretched out!

Haha! Love this thread. Women do seem to love a horror story! My 'area' is very tidy thank you.

I'm reluctant to believe that there are legions of mothers out there with their vaginas hanging in tatters.
Ignore them. And do pelvic floor exercises!

ps Dogsmom you just made me LOL!

I had a tear during last pregnancy and needed stitches, and afterwards i decided I didn't want to look as I was worried that it might freak me out.

So, I don't know what my 'undercarriage' looks like as I haven't seen it in 3 years - but what I would say is that it still functions exactly the same as it did before so even if its not that cosmetically attractive (and to be honest, i'm not sure I'd describe a 'normal' vagina as that pretty really) I still have a good sex life (although not in this pregnancy as I have no sex drive at all!) and whilst I was really worried about the 'wizards sleeve' issue and concerned I wouldn't 'feel' my DH in there at all, it feels just the same to me (and he's not bothered either!).

There will always be some women who suffer more in these things, but I think thats the exception rather than the rule, I'd work on the basis that everything will be fine, and if its not, well, you can deal with that when it happens.