Anyone else's NT child still been in nappies in reception?

[Cadelaide]

I just don't see DS2 getting out of nappies before he starts school in September. His pre-school keyworker has said someone will be assigned to change his nappy at school but my Mum is appalled. I think she thinks he'll be teased for still being in nappies.

We've tried everything, everything to toilet train him but he just won't have it. If he doesn't have a nappy he holds on for hours and hours and hours, to the point where he was getting pains in his abdomen. This is for wees as well as poos, btw. So we've left it for the time being, but I feel the clock ticking.

I just don't know what I think and I don't know what to do.

Maybe odd suggestion but could you maybe try the following to get him on the toilet:

• buy stickers and let him decorate loo seat

• put tv on an extension so it goes into bathroom and let him watch TV from being on loo

• place sweets/chocolate in see-through bags and sellotape to wall of bathroom, out of reach, with proviso that he can get a treat each time he sits on loo

• do you have older children? If so, does he look up to, or admire them in any way? Could they be asked to help him onto the loo? Do they have influence over him? If not, are there any 'big' boys that he admires who could persuade him to use loo?

Do you think something like this would help?

The novelty of it maybe?

To be honest, and this is most likely going to be crap advice.

If he can already go the whole day without weeing or pooing, I would not worry but just send him to school. He will be fine. He will just wait till he gets home.

The first time he does it in his pants in school, is most likely to be the last, as the other children WILL notice, and he will feel extremely embarassed. Either that, or seing the other kids going to the loo, might prompt him to just try it on his own.

My dd is not in nappies - we are persevering with knickers but she has up to 8 accidents (wees only) a day at nursery.

We went to see the SENCO at the school she will be starting in September (she isn't SN, by the way, just wet) and she was very relaxed about it. They have 2 or 3 children each year who are still regularly wet (though probably not as regularly as dd) out of an intake of 90. She also suggested the possibility of her wearing pull-ups if this would be seen as helpful by Doctors etc.

I know this isn't terribly relevant to your situation, but I wanted to say that not all schools would be horrified at the thought of a not toilet trained child starting school.

Ah ok, so we move on to why won't he sit on the toilet? Fear, anxiety, or just sheer bloody mindedness?

I think if he point blank won't go on the loo and holds on to his wee for 10-12 hours then he needs to see someone. He could potentially get bladder or kidney infections, especially if he's restricting his fluids to limit his need to wee. Can he articulate why he won't sit on/stand at the toilet? I know he's still quite little but at nearly 4 he may well in his head have a very good reason for not using the loo which could be unpicked.

My 8 year old never uses the loo in the school. Never has, never will. He think they are dirty. But also, the first time he tried to use a loo in his old school, he got really scared of the very loud gushing sound. He said the torrent was so strong, he was scared he would be sucked in.

I'm sorry if I'm repeating others but how would it be if you moved him swiftly to toilet/potty once he started the pee/poo action? Up until a few months ago DD would only poo in a nappy at night (she'll be 4 at end July). The 'housekeeping rule' was suggested - when the body is ready to pee/poo 20 mins after a meal. Thought perhaps you could try getting DS to the bathroom on pretext of washing hands - keeping them in warm water actually does seem to start the pee process, 20 mins after breakfast/lunch. Once there, encourage him to blow up a balloon. It sounds daft but the same muscles tighten up for both blowing up a balloon and pooing ! DD & I had a giggle as neither of us could inflate them so we tried to see who could pull the funniest faces while we 'strained' to blow up the balloon! That week we only had one night-time poo nappy and the next week we stopped nappies altogether. Since then there's only been one wet accident but she does occasionally get up, use the potty and return to bed.

And, as far as his classmates are concerned, I agree that generally children of that age aren't nasty (although they can make thoughtless comments). I'm sure yr DS won't want to be different so will make changes pretty quickly to fit in.

Hope this helps, sorry it's a bit long winded!

I am not sure whether to suggest this but could you let him wee in the garden? Would that be 'special' enough to make him go?

I only have girls, but I know my nephews love peeing in the garden for some reason mucky little boys that they are.

Face reality, your child will be teased and bullied if you do nothing. Children are not lovely creatures. They will tear apart a child merilessly for things far more trival than being in nappies. Often children with diagnosed special needs are treated very harshy by children in mainstream.

He needs professional help. It is not normal for an NT child to be in nappies at four years old during the day. It is letting him down.

A friend in a similar situation got help from a special needs social worker. Her son was autisic and found the transition from nappies to the toilet very hard.

If I was you I would DEMAND a referal to a community paediatrian, maybe there are special needs like autism that are not diagnosed.

I've just read the whole thread and you have had some brilliant advice already .

Here is my tuppence worth:

• take him pants shopping. He gets to choose his big boy pants in whatever lurid design he chooses

• equally, take him potty shopping: a throne, one that plays a tune when wee hits it, one that changes colour when weed upon or something equally silly but appealling to little boys

• bribery. Lots of it. Absolutely NO punishment for wetting/holding in/refusing to perfom

• referral to community enuresis service; they have lots and lots of tricks up their sleeves

• GP/paeds to r/o any kind of physical reason

FWIW, my boys were both over 3 before they cracked it, but then did it really quickly and quite suddenly without much prompting.
Also, thanks for that image of hundreds of 25 year olds parachuting out of airplanes wearing their pull-ups !

Good luck!

There is a very good article by Tanya Byron about day wetting in children of 4 and 6 I'll see if I can find it anywhere.

It suggests quite a strict approach eg if you tell them they have to sit on the loo and try (if they haven't been and look like they need to go) then they must if they don't they'll end up with a consequence.

here

I was thinking about this thread the other day. Have you thought more about a carrot and stick approach? Obviously lots of bribery, praise and encouragement but could you deny him the things he likes if he does not make the effort to use the loo? For example, only allowed sweets/tv/playdates etc if he uses the potty.

I know such an approach is frowned on, but perhaps desparate times call for desparate measures?

Hi, I know this is an old thread but what happened with your son? I am going tvrogh the same now with my daughter. We have delayed her starting Reception until January and have an appointment with the community peoditrition this week.