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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

3 year old is impossible to potty train... I'm at a loss

17 replies

mam1998 · 28/02/2025 14:26

My three year old son is impossible to potty train and I feel totally defeated and ready to give in. I have used the holidays and took time off work to get it cracked, we haven't even left the house as focusing on potty training and at the moment he is having accident after accident. I have a reward chart, chocolates etc for when he uses the potty but he doesn't care....

I know he knows how to use the potty because on the second day of training he had a poo purposely over the potty and my mam had him for a few hours on one of the days and had lots of success for her. But for me I have made absolutely zero progress.... he screams at me trying to sit him on the potty unless I bride him with playing games on my phone and he will sit on it and do nothing but then ten minutes later wee on the floor, on the sofa wherever.

I don't know what to do, he knows what to use the potty for but I think he is rebelling it feels like he won't use it on purpose. Sometimes he's bothered about being wet and other times he's not bothered cause he will just take his bottoms off.

He can't go to school nursery which he's got accepted for because he's not potty trained.

I just want to cry I'm doing my best to clean all the accidents around my house but I feel like all I can smell is the accidents being made and I'm just becoming so frustrated with him. I know you don't tell them off for having accidents but when it seems like it's on purpose how do you handle the situation? I'm at a loss.

He will be back to nursery Monday and no progress from when he broke up has been made ...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

YourSpryWriter · 28/02/2025 14:34

Been there so I know exactly how you feel. I felt like I was putting all this effort in and my son wasn't even bothered. I gave myself a break, put him back in pull ups and took him to the toilet whenever I went. Try not to stress, some kids just pick it up quicker than others. I was very stressed and it's not worth it. You can always try again in a week or so. He might just not be ready yet.

InTheRainOnATrain · 28/02/2025 14:42

How long have you been at it? It’s not impossible that it will click over the weekend.

No you don’t tell them off for accidents but are there natural consequences? He should have to clean up and get himself changed and sorted as much as he’s able to- not saying he should be handling cleaning products but putting wet pants in the washing machine, wiping up a puddle, washing his hands afterwards. The idea being that this is inconvenient and interrupts his play or his TV programme and he should learn it would have been quicker to use the potty.

At 3 I’d also ensure he has the option of the toilet with privacy. Shall we try the toilet or the potty? We’re going to sit for 5 minutes and you can watch mummy’s phone. My DD was closer to 3 when she trained and she wouldn’t do anything in the living room on a potty but bathroom with the door closed was successful.

Is he frustrated with being at home? You could offer a quick trip out after a successful potty use. Wee on the potty then we can go to playground. If you get one then off you rush, stay out for no more than an hour, take the potty and pack a change of clothes. He might have an accident but if it’s somewhere like the playground then isn’t a big deal.

Rawnotblended · 28/02/2025 14:43

Go back to pull ups. Some kids will do it when THEY are ready and not before. It’s a form of “you’re not the boss of me”. My youngest was like this. He even said that he was going to “be a pest and wee in the pants” and he found all the clean pants in the airing cupboard and got them out and weed on them. He was 3. So rather than try and negotiate with the terrorist he clearly was, I out him back in pull ups and one day after his mates in nursery all had big boy pants on, and he was still in a nappy, he declared himself ready, and that was that.

SErunner · 28/02/2025 14:46

He's not ready. Park it and come back to it in another couple of months. It's no reflection on you or your parenting, they are all just different and some take longer to get it than others. The worst thing you can do is push on with something that is stressing you both out. This will only be a negative experience for you both. Is he nearer 3 or nearer 4? If he gets nearer 4 and still hasn't made any progress it would be worth seeing GP/health visitor.

SatinHeart · 28/02/2025 15:15

Get in touch with the Health Visitor team in your area, they will have some suggestions for things to try. If he coninues to struggle you need to have tried all the usual suggestions from them before they can make any referrals, so I'd contact them sooner rather than later.

Different things work for different DC. Both of mine struggled to potty train - one worked better having an alarm and going every hour (then we slowly lengthened the time until he started taking himself off in between). The other really hated the fuss of it all - he went bonkers if we suggested trying for a wee so we had to just put the potty somewhere quiet and literally not mention it and he started to take himself off for a wee when he thought no one was looking.

(On a practical note, bicarbonate of soda is great for getting wee smell out of carpets. Sprinkle it on, leave overnight, hoover it up)

LoudBlueFish · 01/03/2025 09:50

Can I ask for those saying to pause, how can you if nursery requires it. We're in a similar situation with our daughter and need to have her trained soon, but it's been going really bad for the past two weeks?

SErunner · 01/03/2025 20:43

LoudBlueFish · 01/03/2025 09:50

Use another nursery. Any that insist on them being potty trained wouldn't be my first choice anyway, suggests a real lack of understanding of individualised need and care.

LoudBlueFish · 02/03/2025 02:10

SErunner · 01/03/2025 20:43

Use another nursery. Any that insist on them being potty trained wouldn't be my first choice anyway, suggests a real lack of understanding of individualised need and care.

Show quote history

Thank you she's 3 at the end of the month and that's our deadline which is a shame as we're not going to be reliable enough if trained at all by then. The nursery is great for her though and we would be sad to move. I don't know how to find a nursery accommodating, do most allow it? I'll start looking and hopefully find a spare spot in a good one for Easter time

SErunner · 02/03/2025 06:18

There is only one of quite a number in our surroundings that only takes them potty trained, so in my experience yes I think they're the minority. It's not something you can force to happen if they're not ready - it will just be incredibly stressful for her, you and the nursery.

Solasum · 02/03/2025 06:22

At 3 he is big enough to skip the potty stage entirely. Try a family loo seat, with a little seat in the middle, and a step.

PigInADuvet · 02/03/2025 06:27

If he's not ready, he's not ready. I genuinely questioned if mine would ever be ready and didn't ever push it (he is autistic and was non verbal at the time) but literally one day it just clicked. He was 4 when it happened but born early in the academic year do didn't start school until just before he was 5.

If you need him in nursery for childcare purposes find a nurturing private one who will support you with toilet training rather than pressurise you. You can move him to the preschool later on or just wait until he starts reception. In my sons reception class only about 50% of the kids attended the schools preschool, the rest either didn't attend anywhere, or attended private nurseries.

Pottingup · 02/03/2025 06:30

Have you tried reading Poo Goes to Pooland with him and using the toilet for him? It worked like magic for my then 3 year old.

Pottingup · 02/03/2025 06:31

I think you can just download it rather than buy it.

LoudBlueFish · 02/03/2025 12:08

PigInADuvet · 02/03/2025 06:27

Edited

Thanks for these messages I know I'm not the original poster but I'll scramble around to find a private nursery with less strict restrictions. I had assumed private would be more competitive so would turn away children in nappies. It'll be nice to have a break from washing. I certainly hope it won't be another year before we get success in training

Hoppinggreen · 02/03/2025 12:14

If he was ready (SN excepted) it would be much easier so maybe park it for now.
Also, DS never went on a potty at all. In fact he wouldn't even be in a room with one!
He just used the "big boy toilet" with a step and a seat. Once we switched to that he got it very very quickly

DancingintheSpoonlight · 18/06/2025 13:18

Sorry to jump in so long after these original posts but similar problems and this thread popped up!

OP how did you get on?

My DS is ready because at the childminders he’ll go ALL DAY in the same big boy pants, using the potty every hour.

He’s at home with me today and we’re on pants #5. Even went to the park with the potty but 2 mins after trying he’d hidden under the slide to do a poo 😭

Blencathra82 · 18/06/2025 14:05

It doesn't sound like he is ready OP and that's ok. My DD wasn't ready until she was 3.5. We tried before this when she had just turned 3, was unsuccessful so we decided to put it on hold after we returned from an upcoming holiday. The day before we were due to go on holiday, I picked her up from nursery and they told me she had been asking to use the toilet. It was still a couple of months after this before we trained her but by this point she was ready. She had accidents for a week then it clicked and she took to using the potty. We waited for the summer and warmer weather to do it.

I would recommend a book called 'no more nappies'. This really helped my DD. Also ERIC potty training website is very good.

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