3 y/o won't stop wetting herself

[st201]

My DD is coming up to 3 1/2 y/o, we've been potty training since Jan/Feb whilst she was in the 2-3 y/o room in her nursery, where she was completely dry and beginning to crack #2s. When she moved down to the preschool room (ages 3+) she regressed and started wetting herself. Nursery said that this was normal, due to the change in caregivers, and the change in classrooms, and that in a few weeks she would pick right back up, however, this was April. We are now almost in August, and her wetting has gotten worse, not better. Every week for 3 months, we would start off with 6-10 changes, by Friday it would drop to 1-2, with none on the weekends. Now, we are on 6-10 changes every single weekday, and 1-3 on weekends.
I don't find nursery that helpful as they have no answers or suggestions. I feel like every method we try works at home, but then I get handed bags and bags of wet laundry every weekday. I've thought about taking time off work to try to crack it, but then that's not going to solve the nursery issue, as I know she'll go back and start wetting again.
Nursery has now suggested I speak to the Dr, so I have a telephone appointment, but sadly not for 3 weeks. I don't feel like this is a medical issue though, as she was almost fully trained in the other room.
She fully understands the concept of using the toilet, and she still does all her #2s on the toilet, but I'm at a complete loss for how to get her dry.
We've tried reward charts, etc. but they don't seem to work.
Any advice or support would be appreciated.

Following as we're in a similar boat. My DD is also 3.5, started potty trained last year at 2.5 and seemed to get it, just accidents which we put down to her being too 'busy' to get up and go. However, in the last month we've regressed completely and now, unless we take her, she just goes in her knickers. We're on 3-5 'accidents' per day! Saw the gp a couple of weeks ago who has refrerred her to children's continence but there's a 52 week wait!!!
Sorry, no help but you're not alone

This isn't done anymore for a variety of reasons.

Being too engrossed in what she’s doing maybe? Is it a full on wee or just wet?

Lol No. We raise the entitled these days 😂

One reason is to get them to speak up if they are being abused. It is not about them being entitled.

Anyway the issue is likely the nursery staff asking the OP's DD if she wants to the toilet instead of telling her she is going.

It is done by most normal parents.

If it isn't done by parents it has to be picked up by teachers, at immense cost to the teachers, other pupils, school and educational system as a whole

And if it is too late for the child by then, they suffer from their educational failure for the rest of their lives.

Or parents could just parent their children, how is that for an option?

I’ve found that actually. I’m trying to get everyone to stop asking her to go, and to just tell her to go. She always says she doesn’t need to go if you ask.

She’s very busy, so I think that has something to do with it. It’s very rarely fully wet, it’s usually either a dribble or a small wee.

can I offer some hope? my daughter was exactly the same. we started potty training in September 2022 when she was 2.5 and initially just a few accidents. then it got worse and six months later she was having 6 accidents a day at nursery - so all her wees - then she started having a couple of poo accidents too. we were so frustrated and went to the Dr who just looked at me like I was crazy. We decided to put her back in nappies around April until end of June after our holiday. We explained to her that there would be no more nappies after holiday. When we got home we let her go naked at home that first weekend then put her back in knickers. She hasn't had a single accident since and a few weeks later she announced that she didn't want to wear a nappy at night anymore - and so she is in knickers and hadn't had one accident at night either. I cant believe the difference and genuinely didn't think we'd get here.

I think it must have been the pressure getting to her which was removed when she was back in nappies.

Good luck!

just in response to a few of your comments we also suspected that she was too engrossed in an activity to want to break and go to the toilet so we tried to explain that it's quicker to just go that have to clear up the wee and get changed.

Since we've out her back in knickers she knows when she gets the feeling and actually tells people she needs to go - or she'll go to the potty or toilet by herself. My mum spoke to her a lot about the feeling you get befpfe you need to go.

When you went back to nappies, did you take her to the toilet and still try to encourage her or did you literally just act as if she’d never done any potty training at all and leave her to go in her nappy every time?
And, when you then went back to knickers, did you retrain from scratch or did it just click back into place?
We go away in a couple of weeks so, as much as I’m reluctant to go back, I think this is what we might have to do if only for my own sanity on holiday

oh also something we did was a reward chart. I dont really believe in them so we didn't try it sooner. I made a challenge that she could have a gotta go flamingo (i played her the video of the advert and she was obsessed) if she made it 7 days in a row. we had to get one (actually had to get the turtle) much sooner than we thought as 7 days seemed an impossible challenge.

she's also picked her first barbie to get as a reward after 7 night times with no accidents so she'll be getting that soon

Thank you. I’m starting to think this is a big part of the problem.

That’s a good idea. I’m starting to think reward chart may need to be included in the routine.
Shes really into magazines currently, so that could be a good reward.

Constant reminders, it’s hard. More so at nursery I think as the staff have so many children. She does have control as she’s not fully letting go, just too busy playing.
She will get there.

when she was back in nappies we had to just let her pretend she had never potty trained. it felt a bit gross having her do poos in them again especially as her problem had never really been with poos.

when we started again we let her go naked at the weekend and took her periodically to the potty - we try not to ask as she usually says she doesnt need to go. sometimes now, especially before we go in the car, we ask her to try for 30 seconds and she'll try but say she doesn't have the feeling so I think she knows that feeling now which she didn't before.

if I were you I'd take a break now and put her back in nappies until at least after your holiday. explain that you're doing it to help her and you'll try again after holiday. we had some initial reluctance to go back in nappies.

Hey @st201 just resurrecting this thread to ask how you're getting on 18 month on? Almost identical problem with my son, and starting to wonder if we need to see a GP.