Started Oh Crap method but DS refuses to be naked

[LeeMiller]

Decided to try potty training DS, 26 months since he is displaying all the signs of readiness and this is a practial time for it for us. Read Oh Crap and decided to start today but it's got off to a bad start as DS is insisting on wearing trousers (randomly he likes being topless but loves trousers and shoes so I should have predicted this, to be fair). I've stuck him in loose joggers and so far today he's wet through them 6 times. He tells me 'wee coming down' as it's happening and is upset by getting wet but doesn't move towards the potty, and by the time I grab him and pull his trousers down it's all over (once we got a few drops in). A couple of times I thought I spotted a sign but he absolutely refuses to sit on the the potty when prompted,, and I obviously don't want to force him. He seems quite ambivalent about the potty, likes his potty books and proudly told DS at lunchtime that he "weed in the potty lots and lots", but would prefer not to actually sit on it.

Will the Oh Crap method work if I skip the naked phase or do I need a new strategy? Obviously it's very very early days and I'm not expecting him to have cracked it yet at all, but not sure if I should change course sooner rather than later if he insists on wearing clothes?

[ApplestheHare]

LillianGish i disagree that it shows he understands the principle. He obviously knows he needs to be changed if he's done a wee (and presumably the attempt to potty train has reinforced this) but there's still a mental leap to be made from that to him identifying the urge to go, identifying where he's meant to go, and then going there.

[LeeMiller]

Yes I agree with Apples, he isn’t telling me before he wees (poos, yes), just during and afterwards and asking to be changed when he feels wet - that’s the bit that’s been reinforced, rather than how to avoid getting wet at all.

He also asked for his poo to go into the “big loo” so we tipped it out the nappy and flushed it, hopefully that will help with normalising that aspect. And has been playing at making toys go to the loo. So he’s clearly interested in the whole topic but we’re just focusing on encouraging that right now.

[ApplestheHare]

LeeMiller that sounds ideal. Honestly I think there's a lot of pressure for parents to potty train as soon as any signs are shown but there's really no need.

[Alyosha]

When you say he refuses to be naked, what do you mean exactly? We started potty training at 24 months, not using Oh Crap, and it was a disaster - he wet through 5 pairs of trousers the first day, did all his wees on the potty the second day and then on the third day he became terrified of letting his pee out. We gave it a rest for 3 months, but he was still holding his pee in the nappy - that indicated to us that he was very ready.

We started again on Saturday with Oh Crap, and he got very upset we wouldn't let him wear leggings, but eventually he had to with it because there wasn't an alternative that we were offering. This time it has gone much better.

I don't think wetting through 5 pairs of trousers is a sign that he isn't ready. He sounds capable of getting it; part of potty training is teach them how to recognise the "I'm peeing" "I'm about to pee" "I need to pee" feelings, it's impossible in a nappy to feel this because they wick away moisture so efficiently.

[LeeMiller]

By refuses to be naked, I mean he shouted to put his trousers on, ran off to find some, started crying. That didn't come from nowhere and I should have predicted it, he is utterly obsessed with wearing his shoes and (quite reasonably I suppose) thinks shoes and no trousers/shorts is strange, while he would happily stay topless all day. I could insist but I think it would be starting off with an upsetting, negative and likely counterproductive association rather than a relaxed atmosphere. He also may be ready physically, if not he's close to it, but the holding his wee in made me think he's not ready psychologically.

He is still taking an interest so we will keep encouraging, but I will probably wait till later spring/early summer now as there will be some upeaval (moving house and area). I don't want to rush him; I do want to train him as soon as I can because he's due to start preschool at 2.9 and there will be issues if he's not trained, but I'm hoping a few months could make all the difference.

[Alyosha]

Ok, so that is of course your prerogative - I would say that at various stages of my son's life I've had to wrestle him screaming into nappies, clothes, prams, car seats and highchairs. He has not developed a mental aversion to any of those. Hope your next attempt goes a bit better - be warned my son continued to hold pees even in nappies.

[LeeMiller]

Oh I agree, I frequently have to wrestle him into his car seat and pin him down to brush his teeth and other non-negotiable activities, I just didn’t think it was going to help in this case.

He was holding a bit the first day in nappies but now ok. Hopefully he’ll be ready soon. This is worse than weaning!

[Alyosha]

It definitely is, we are on day 4 and he is doing wees on the potty but still isn't wild about releasing, and isn't fully releasing - still big pees in his nap nappy and night nappy. But no accidents either. We're fortunate that we have enough holiday to take 2 weeks off work (1 week me and 1 week husband) to try and crack it before he's back at nursery.

I think most kids hit 3 and are super easy to train, but you can't guarantee that your kid will be one of the lucky ones! And it's much easier to wrestle a 28 month old onto the potty than a 38 month old :p. I'm sure it will all work out fine, we took a 4 month break and it has made a huge difference.

[LeeMiller]

Good luck, it sounds like you’re making progress. I agree about age, DS is unbelievably stubborn already so I would rather get it done sooner as I think the battle of wills might be worse when he’s older. We are working on encouraging his interest so hopefully at the next attempt he’ll think it’s his idea!

[PrincessBuggerPants]

I had/am having an identical experience to @Frazzle76 with my son.

We had a disastrous attempt at 24 months doing Oh Crap, and are now having a so far successful attempt at 27 months. He had no accidents today, going commando in his trousers! Even asked for the pottete when out at the park. Twice.

Things started to go much better when we put him into trousers rather than making him go naked from the waist down. It was cold. It reminded him we were 'potty training'. It was a move away from his normal routine.

Not leaving the house for three days didn't work either, for the above reasons. The Oh Crap timelines are bollocks for many kids, and the system only works if they crack the basics in a day or three of going naked.

How often are you prompting him OP? And can you work on him getting his trousers up and down independently? My 27m old cracked that this week due to sheer force of will, and it has helped massively.

[PrincessBuggerPants]

@Alyosha what is your aim here? To have a child who is able to toilet independently, or a compliant one who 'knows who's boss'?

[Alyosha]

I mean he's 2. My aim is for him to be dry because I'm.prompting him for 3-5 weeks which will transition into self initiation at some point. And I do value compliance and good behaviour. So both?

[Munkeenut]

Is wait for as long as possible. We went through all this with DD. I wanted to wait until she was 3 because I'd heard lovely stories of children being dry within a day when they start later. Instead nursery and mil decided to start her at 28 months, so she'd get stickers etc for doing wees when with them, and of course it got confusing at home so we had to kind of just go with it. Queue a year of accidents. She'd bedl dry for 2 weeks then have a day of accidents then another 2 weeks etc. It was stressful!

Now with ds I'm going to wait and be firm about it.

Nappies are brilliant, they really are. You can go anywhere with a nappy! You don't have to do preemptive wees, you don't have to panic about having to ditch your shopping half way round the supermarket because little one has pissed all over the frozen aisle, or sprint with a poo-time bomb across a shopping centre. You can get in the car without having to worry about soaked car seats and a weekend of getting the stupid cover on and off the thing. So yes, this time around I couldn't care less if DS is in nappies for another year!

[DobbyTheHouseElk]

Never heard of this method.

We did Gina Ford (yes I know).

Worked so well. Really easy. No fuss. All done in day and half.

Part of it is being able to pull trousers on and off.

No nakedness here.

[ExhaustedFlamingo]

I've never heard of the oh crap method.

I just came here to say that I originally read this as being about your DH, not your DS and I was very, very confused.

As you were.

[Alyosha]

If nappies are so wonderful, why ever bother to train? They're bad for the environment, and frankly it's pretty nasty to sit in your own poo and pee - something almost all adults accept. Would you wear an adult nappy so you could avoid going to the toilet in a very long journey? Or at work?

When we say "nappies are great" what we mean is "they're great for parents".

[BrightBreezyMorning]

I hate the oh crap method and threw the book in the bin after our first disastrous attempt. It's such a pointlessly stressful approach and for a lot of kids it just doesn't work.

[Ricebubbles2]

Some take awhile and let him be wet to understand he needs to use the potty or toilet seat.
you need to persevere and they have to use it eventually.
I never used apps or ideas only encouragement from daycare and family.
Lots of trousers and underwear! If it is warm weather it's easier to keep up with the washing
Keep it a relaxed experience

[ApplestheHare]

Alyosha nappies are great for parents... but also anyone without full bowel and bladder control - i.e. babies and toddlers!

When they're older you don't have to wrestle them anywhere because they understand what you're asking, and why, and co-operate.

[Alyosha]

@ApplestheHare that's just not the case for many kids though - just leaving it late is not a guarantee of instant success. And in my son's case, it was a day of wrestling and that was it - the next day he got it. He is now self initiating around 20% of the time.

Most children in countries without disposable nappies are fully potty trained by 12-18 months. Early potty training is associated with developing full bladder and bowel control earlier and lower incidence of continence problems.

[Alyosha]

I am kicking myself for not committing to potty training when I was on furlough last year when my son was 20 months - could be all done by now!

[Knitterbabe]

Leaving toilet training until 3 years or older does not ensure an easy ride, as the many threads on the issue demonstrate. There are numerous posts about 3 year olds who will only poo in a nappy, and are sufficiently aware to request a nappy to poo in. They have awareness and control, but choose to soil themselves.
It was customary for the majority of children to train around 2 to 2 1/2 years without the drama that some posters would claim ensues from not waiting until age 3+.