Severe postnatal anxiety after traumatic birth and baby hospital stay

[fourthloss]

Hi everyone. I’m hoping for some advice or reassurance from other mums because I’m really struggling at the moment.

I have a 10-week-old baby boy. His birth was very traumatic. I had a planned C-section after complications with my first birth, but it ended up turning into an emergency situation and they had to use forceps to get him out. The spinal also hit my nerves and the whole experience was awful — I could feel things as it started wearing off and I had a lot of nerve pain afterwards which made recovery really hard.

Then when my baby was just one week old he was admitted to hospital with laboured breathing and needed oxygen. We spent 4 nights in hospital and they did loads of tests but never found a clear cause. He improved on his own and we were discharged. It was a really scary experience watching him hooked up to oxygen and monitors.

Since then I feel like my anxiety has spiralled. I waited 6 years for this baby after secondary infertility and four miscarriages, so I think I’m just terrified of something happening to him.

Every day I worry that something is wrong with him. I constantly listen to his breathing and check that he’s alive when he’s sleeping. If he gets a cold or sounds mucusy I convince myself something serious is wrong. Even when doctors say he’s fine, the worry comes back.

I also get intrusive thoughts and images about something bad happening to him and a constant feeling of dread that something terrible is going to happen. Nights are the worst because I keep waking up convinced he’s not breathing.

I’ve been referred to perinatal mental health but there’s a long waiting list. In the meantime I just feel exhausted and like I’m not enjoying this time with him the way I should be. I love him so much but the anxiety is overwhelming.

Has anyone else experienced postpartum anxiety like this?
Did anything help while waiting for support?
And does it actually get better?

I just feel really alone with it right now.

I've no helpful advice for you but didn't want to read and go
You've been very brave in asking for help from the HV. Just remember that it will get better in time. Congratulations on the new baby and a virtual hug for you.(((())))

I’m so sorry to read this and what you’ve been through. I’m not surprised that your mental health has taken a serious hit - there’s so much here and I commend you for posting on here and looking for help. That’s really not an easy thing to do so well done.

i haven’t had anywhere near the amount of trauma you’ve had but my mental health similarly deteriorated when I had my first, a lot of the things you’re talking about. I got support locally through the NHS with some over the phone therapy and q support group with other mums which was so helpful. If those services aren’t available to you there are often local groups like Singing Mamas which are safe spaces and designed to support your mental health.

it sounds really trite but one of the best things they taught us in the support group was to try and do one kind thing just for yourself each day. It was a way of getting your head back above water amongst the real difficulties of looking after a newborn (and that’s even before you get to the trauma you’ve been through). It could be as small as a longer shower with a new shower gel, or going into a room alone to have a cup of tea, or booking something in the future.

id say practicing any compassion and ways to be kind to yourself are the key to building resilience to push back against the anxiety and stop spiralling. You’re really vulnerable, exhausted and broken right now so you can’t just over turn anxiety easily in a day. But
bit by bit, you’ll get there - and just by a small act when you can you’ll rebuild.

i couldn’t imagine it at the time but it really does get better, I promise.

sending you real solidarity and thinking of you wherever it is you are, willing you to get through this from the bottom of my heart xx

Invest in an owlet sock to monitor breathing, o2.

I had a dreadfully traumatic birth with my first. Then thrown into PPA. The breathing monitor majorly helped me sleep at night knowing I would get an alert if I needed to take action

also. You will get through this. I went on to have three more babies with a lovely deliveries and no PPA

Yes, i did. My first was premature, in NICU, and second also had breathing difficulty similar to your experience.

I found at 6 months, it eased slightly (not constant panic attacks) and at around a year i felt a bit more myself and much better in comparison.
2 1/2 years i suppose in total 😅 i found it a slow ease over time.

I’m sorry to hear things have been so tough for you, you’ve really been through it. I had serious complications after my first was born and it sent me spiralling too, I ended up with PPA and PPD. It was really tough but the perinatal team were brilliant. I hope it’s not a long wait for you.

Do you have good support around you? I was told by a psychiatrist that one of the biggest factors in perinatal mental health alongside the huge hormonal change is the sleep deprivation, any way you’re able to get more sleep (or others can help you get more sleep) helps, but obviously that’s not easy when they are so young.

Another thing that helped was getting out to a baby group (I know that’s not easy when you’re shattered!) and making a couple of mum friends. They are still my best friends years later.

Yes it does get easier as time goes on, 10 weeks is a tough age even without the issues you’ve experienced. I found that in time he became less fragile, I got more experienced with everything, hormones started to settle and my anxiety improved. Hang in there.

This is so common OP, you're not alone. ❤️ Second the owlet sock. My therapist said that if something makes me feel better anxiety wise, why not?

Also asking someone to monitor the baby while they sleep, so you can sleep better knowing they have eyes on them.

I also found it helpful to tell myself "that's an intrusive thought" when I was catastrophising. Firmly naming it helped me stop spiralling.

Practically, sleep, hydration and upping your protein content help. Reduce sugar and caffeine in the short term, they spike anxiety.

If you're breastfeeding, there's a huge hormone shift around 8 weeks as well so be extra kind to yourself.

This will seem so distant in a few years, it'll be like you're peering back through a fog to give others advise.

I had a similar birth. Planned c section due to breech presentation. Semi emergency due to health complications. Ten days in hospital NICU due to severe jaundice ( baby). All very traumatic but I thrived as a mum until DS was 10minths when I spiralled down into post natal depression complicated by my DFs death when DS was 4 mnths old.

Can I just say that forceps are used in c sections to speed up delivery if the baby is showing symptoms guns of distress. Babies are a bit like a bar of soap so forceps are the preferred method when they need to come out quickly. Mostly you are unaware of them using them although they can leave marks on the babies head. My DS was breech with a big head and I had a large fibroid that was in the way so they needed more control of his head to guide him through the incision.
I have as high risk with very low iron levels so we’re being super careful to prevent excessive blood loss. The forceps are different from the ones used in vaginal birth. It’s more about control than panic.

When I spiralled down I was very paranoid and having intrusive thoughts. My Gp was great she offered therapy or meds. I didn’t feel that talking about it would help. The happy pills did the trick. They didn’t really make me happy but helped me cope. I took them for about 12 months before weening myself off them.

I had PPP and PPD with my first, the PPP brought on by a traumatic birth.
I had PPA with my second, despite having a smooth birth.
The intrusive thoughts are the worst when it comes to anxiety, and they are the absolute worst at night.
Please see your GP whilst you wait for Perinatal, you don't need to suffer and lose the enjoyment of your new baby especially after such a journey. The hormone dips can be brutal without the trauma of birth on top.
You can tell yourself the thoughts aren't real, try to challenge the visuals into something else (this is really hard especially in the middle of the night exhausted) and when I really couldn't sleep/let it go in the middle of the night I used to watch kids TV shows to distract my mind.

I recommend EMDR.

Sending you hugs OP ❤️ It does get easier but for now make sure lots of people are checking in on you - in person if possible - and taking you and baby outdoors to get fresh and natural light.
My experience wasn't as traumatic as yours but I also had emergency forceps and developed post natal anxiety, made a lot worse by a very colicky reflux baby who wouldn't settle or sleep and no family support (husband working away after the first two weeks, due to baby born early and a project being accelarated - terrible timing).
Be gentle with yourself, you will get there.

Hi, sorry you’re going through this.
i had a tricky birth and the dread feeling, which I think was hormonal for me. And kept waking up so got really sleep deprived. I also had low iron which I think affected how I felt.
worth trying PANDAS foundation while waiting for support: https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/how-we-can-support-you/
Also some workplaces have employee assistance schemes offering counselling etc, if yours does you should still be entitled while on mat leave.
theres been excellent advice above. Worth getting a physical check over from the GP for bloods etc as pregnancy and birth can take a lot of resources out of the body if you have deficiencies it can feed into how you feel.
Hope things get easier for you soon.