Really upset about breastfeeding difficulties..

[MonkeyTales]

My baby is only 4 days old and I feel like I am failing her. It's the middle of the night and my partner had to run out to find an open shop that sells formula because my body betrayed me... She is cluster feeding I am just not giving her enough milk, she keeps making her signs of hunger and I tried and tried and it hurts so bad. The midwives said her latch is good.. but my nipples are already damaged from the first few bad attempts and just haven't got a chance to heal so it hurts every time. The was latched on for 2 hours straight the last sitting and I had to remove her to get her to stop because I just couldn't handle the pain anymore and she would just start fussing for food again straight away.
Now I am crying in the bath while my partner is feeding her formula in the other room. I feel like she doesn't need me anymore, like that special bound we had when I was still essential to her just got ripped and I am losing a part of her. I liked knowing she couldn't be away from me for more than a couple of hours because she needed me and now she doesn't. I couldn't get in my car right now and drive away and she would be just fine without me. I know these are selfish thoughts and obviously the most important thing is that she is fed but I can't help feeling like I failed her. She isn't even a week old and I am already failing her.

Oh darling I promise you haven’t failed her at all and she still very much needs you regardless of how she’s fed. You’re all she’s known for the last 9 months, her safe space so to speak, and a bottle of formula won’t change that.

The early days are so bloody tough so please cut yourself some slack. In terms of the soreness, I swear by these compresses for helping your nipples recover - https://amzn.eu/d/j0KHYoh

Tomorrow is another day, cluster feeding is totally normal at this stage as she’s essentially putting in her order for your milk supply but if cluster feeding is too painful right now there’s no harm in adding in the odd bottle of formula or two to help make things more bearable.

Of course she still needs you. I found things got a bit easier when my milk came in on day 5, seemed like I had nothing before that. I did mixed feeding and still gave formula and breastfed.

I just want to say you haven't failed, your baby is so young and you need to recover aswel.

You haven't failed her in the slightest. My LO is 6 weeks old and I couldn't get him to latch, so was exclusively pumping EBM. After 2 weeks I had to stop as my supply was dwindling, I was so stressed and I too felt like I'd failed him, but then remembered fed is best and the more I was stressing about the situation, the worse it would get. Fed is best, you're doing all you can for her ❤️

You have not failed her so challenge those thoughts every time they pop into your head!

I’ve had three babies. I tried to BF them all but couldn’t with the first two due to severe pain. DD1 had a tongue tie which led to a poor latch. DD2 didn’t have one but it was still so painful. Giving them their first bottles made me feel a complete failure and I sobbed through each one.

The difference with DS was the level of support I had. I went to a local breastfeeding group who really supported me to get the latch right for us. It took a couple of weeks for it to be pain free and there were times I wanted to quit through that but he’s now 11mo and still BFing.

Some suggestions I would have are to get silver cups for your nipple pain. They worked wonders for me! You put them on between feeds with a little expressed milk in them and they heal up any issues. I would also urge you to get support from feeding specialists. Midwives are great but, unless they are also specialists in this, they often miss signs of a poor latch or tongue tie. You may have a local group (mine is called Breastmates) or an independent specialist.

Giving her one bottle doesn’t need to be the end of your BFing journey if that’s not what you want. It’s also fine if that is what you want though. I found giving myself some criteria before making a decision really helped. I wasn’t allowed to make a decision before having a nap but if I felt the same after my nap, I could give it up - my stress levels around BFing always reduced massively when I wasn’t extremely tired. I also told myself to make it to the next group before giving up to see if they could help me. Both of these thought processes got me through some really tough days and nights when BFing felt impossible.

Your body grew her there is no betrayal you have done an amazing thing. Your baby needs you however they are fed and there is no need to leave them for more than a couple of hours unless you want to.

Please tell someone in real life how you are feeling. Get some rest.

Entering motherhood is a wild and crazy ride, tell you mid life as there are breastfeeding support groups.

You have done incredibly well. A fed baby is the most important thing xx

You have just made a beautiful little baby, and 100% not failing her. A few thoughts:

• Day 4 you are likely to feel very down, the baby blues kick in for a lot of women whilst the breastmilk comes in. So it's not uncommon to feel like you do right now.
• The majority of women who breastfeed have these issues at the start, I know I did each time!
• There will likely be free breastfeeding support near you, Google the breastfeeding network and give them a call for advice.
• The priority now is getting your nipples healed in between feeds to make it less painful. It took 8 weeks to get there for me but it was so so worth it when it did work.
• Lansinoh, a pump to give my nipples a rest from baby's mouth, and silver breast cups were a godsend

Best of luck, you've got this and you will get through this xx

You haven’t failed her, everything is so new and cluster feeding is exhausting. I used nipple shields for the pain - my baby had a good latch with or without the shields - and the more milk that flowed through my cracked nipples, the more they healed. My baby had some instant formula bottles in hospital and then I had a couple of weeks of very painful nipples. I had amazing phone support from La Leche League and after the first few weeks it got so much easier. Please don’t feel guilty about formula. Reach out for support - it’s not plain sailing at first. Congratulations on your new baby 💐

Oh goodness, the baby blues - it’s like the worst depression ever and then it passes so quickly. I also remember asking my DH to squeeze my hand as I breastfed - he was worried he was going to break my hand. He didn’t. It’s so common to have a difficult start to breastfeeding. This will pass, OP xx

The first few weeks of breastfeeding are extremely difficult. I nearly gave up because my nipples were so sore and infected in the first week. It’s ok to supplement with formula but the first 2 weeks are vital for establishing supply so if you can try to pump a bit and putting baby to breast and working on that latch it will work out. I breastfeed for 2 years after nearly giving up in the first week! Try YouTube videos for the latch.

Also what works really well for sore nipples is breast milk and air - they heal quicker out of the bra.

Oh this is hard to read. It hits home a bit but more than that you’re doing so wonderfully even trying to breastfeed, you’re 4 days postpartum which I think is one of the hardest days hormone wise and you’re being hard on yourself!

You are failing nobody. You are amazing!

I howled like an animal when I thought my bf journey was over, I felt bereft. I found some strength and support and I was luckily able to keep going and it got infinitely easier.

The more baby feeds, the more milk will come.

Soft breasts make milk, so if you don’t feel full that’s fine. Full breasts tell the body not to make anymore milk so that’s when supply drops.

Express some milk by hand if you can and rub it on your nipples, it will alleviate the soreness. Bathe in Epsom salts (but wash breasts off before a feed).

Trust your body, it knows what it’s doing. Trust your baby - they know to cry to make your body release hormones to make milk. It’s very clever! It might feel like baby is starving and not getting enough but baby is just using their instinct to make your body do its job. I’m pretty sure it’s very rare for anyone to actually not make enough milk.

If you are able, you could seek out support from a private lactation consultant - many do online now so an appointment might be quite immediate. There is a lovely lady on Instagram called Lucy Webber who helped me so much with my challenges.

Please just message if you need a vent or advice or anything. You must feel very alone but you’re not I promise and you absolutely are doing wonderfully (even if you don’t feel it).

p.s. - nothing wrong with bottles of expressed or formula either, but it’s also completely fine if it’s not your preference! No one else’s business, only your and baby’s feelings and well-being matter.

x

You sound exactly like I did on day 4, sore, emotional, desperately committed to being everything you can be for your precious angel and in floods of tears as you adjust to her being out in the world. There is some perfect advice from some amazing commenters here so I won’t repeat it, just to add that one day you’ll be exactly the same as them and you and your DB will be the apple of each other’s eyes. Take everything a bit slower and remember that stressing makes things worse. Enjoy these precious if painful days and try and rest while you can, you’ve got 18 years to work it all out x

Bless you, you absolutely are not failing your DD at all. Massive congratulations on baby - I hope you’re recovering well. Emotions are haywire after the birth of your baby, especially those first couple of weeks. Breastfeeding is so hard but you will find your feet. There has been lost of wonderful advice as above so I won’t repeat, will a midwife be coming out again today? They can help and they’ll sit with you, they will find a comfortable position for both to and baby to feed in. I had a cushion behind me at home (I’m sure they could show you this method too). Remember OP you’re having a huge hormonal surge now, how your feeling is completely normal and you are exhausted. That early day exhaustion is unmatched. Continue to reach out if you need help with anything. There is always an army of mums on MN who will give you a virtual had hold and lots of advice should you need it. 💐

Day four baby blues is brutal and normal.
one bad latch takes time to heal. Try nipple shields until it heals. And lanolin. It worked for me and i went on to breastfeed until 2. get the mw back and ask for help again.

The best way to stop soreness is to spread a little of your milk over the nipple. It's not too late to breas feed if you want to ask for help.

Nipple shields absolutely saved me. Made breast feeding possible with my youngest.

I breastfed two babies for a year and I can't tell you how awful and painful and horrible I found the first week or two of feeding each time - actually I can tell you, your a mum you totally get it xx

Like others have said these are the really tough days, the hormone crash is brutal, I sobbed in the kitchen every evening for a week after my second was born, and then it just passed. I read it's the equivalent of taking 100 birth control pills with all the hormones for 9 months and then stopping cold turkey?

Back to the breastfeeding, there is so much help out there if you want to breastfeed (and if you don't I promise you it's absolutely fine!! Your baby will be eating biscuits off the floor this time next year) you could start by calling your HV this morning and asking for the feeding team - I actually with my second born at day 5 went back to the hospital where I had them and sat with the feeding specialists in the post birth ward for help. You could call LLL, and the breastfeeding network, or even a private lactation consultant. There are loads of resources online, I love Olivia on instagram https://www.instagram.com/olivia_lactation_consultant?igsh=eTRyaW42Y204OG5v

I really hope you are okay, the pain is unreal, you are doing amazing. Massive hugs, get some chocolate and be kind to yourself. Congratulations on your beautiful baby x

You are NOT failing her. You are on day 4 it is brutal.
If you want to continue with breastfeeding (and you do not have to if you don’t want to) then send your partner out for some nipple shields and some lanolin nipple cream in the morning. Slather the cream on before and after every feed. Feed through the shields until your nipples have healed up a bit. Also a few bottles of formula at the start will not ruin your breastfeeding journey - I gave both mine a few bottles of formula at the start and breastfeed for over a year with both.

If the pain doesn’t get better it could be worth looking at a private tongue tie assessment if you can afford it - the NHS often misses it.

Don’t think that baby isn’t getting enough milk if she wants to cluster feed all the time - so normal for newborns to be on the boob loadsssss. Check for regular wet nappies and weight gain to monitor if she’s getting enough - those are the signs to look for.

Has your milk come in yet? Makes the feeding a lot easier once that starts.

You haven't failed her at all.

I decided to stop breastfeeding my baby at 6 days as my milk didn't come in and the cluster feeding as too much and I was in too much pain. Each feed I had to count to 30 to breath through the pain of the initial latch.

Once we moved to bottle feeding I bond was actually better.. I was dreading feeding with the pain. Now I could sit and cuddle for hours pain free:

What ever you decide to do. Remember you are super important in the process.
These first few weeks are so precious so mix feed if it means you can get the best of both worlds.

Reading your post took me back. It is SO hard bit you are doing amazing. The colostrum in those first few days has already been of huge benefit to your baby. So whatever you decide to do next, you have done an amazing thing.

A bit of formula doesn't mean you need to stop bf. But if you want to continue breastfeeding, seek support. I needed a huge amount of support and am still feeding at 18 months. It did get easier but it was a rough start. For support I'd suggest:
-ask midwife and health visitor about any support available- both offered bf home visits. In the first few weeks I had a daily home visit
-la leche league- see if there are any in person meetings you can go to
-look up breastfeeding support groups. Can be great for peer support
-there is also the national breastfeeding helpline
-if you can afford it, I'd strongly recommend seeing a lactation consultant privately. I waited too long to do this. It turned out my baby needed to see an osteopath due to a traumatic birth- despite all the support I had, no one else realised the cause of our issues was the difficult birth. Lactation consultants are hugely skilled and it was probably the best money I've spent.

I also used nipple shields when gave my nipples a chance to heal.

Be kind to yourself. You are doing amazing. Whatever you decide, it will get easier xxx

This is great advice. It does get easier.