At breaking point, nursing baby for 3h

[user1490285009]

Hi mamas,

I’m literally crying as I write this. I’ve been nursing my 2 week old for 3h now. I’ve just put her down after she seemed sleepy and now she’s up crying. I’m not only mentally tired/sleepy but I feel physically depleted. I have no more milk to give. And I have no idea when her crying for more milk will end. I’m confused how much milk such a small body can drink up. And I know she’s drink a lot because she’s positing some of it and I can hear her physically gulp it down - well I could around 7-8pm I’m not sure how much milk she got recently.

I am seriously exhausted and overwhelmed.
Is this normal? Or am I misreading her signs as hunger but really there’s something else wrong. Please please please any advice to make it through the night.

has she got tongue tie?

3 hrs length is not normal at any age.
even my best fed baby would nurse for about 45-50 mins from one breast take a break, burp then go for it on the other side for about 20 mins then sleep.

my kids with TT however were an utter nightmare, it was almost non-stop on & off, crying, falling asleep on boob after a few minutes, waking up as soon as peeled them off me, then feed a bit...it was horrendous.

have baby checked for tongue asap.
look up signs & symptoms yourself!
I didn't know with DS3 until he was 8m old, by then I was advised not to bother - which is bullshit. he had the op eventually when he was 11.

But with DS5, DD & DS6 I knew better and they all had TT separation done by 3 weeks. it made a huge difference each time!

Mine did this and it is exhausting. I started off sitting in the dark, feeding endlessly in a vain attempt to get the baby to sleep. Eventually I gave up and stopped trying to put baby down. Baby just stayed with me watching TV and I cuddled and fed all evening and then went to bed together when I was ready. I had a cosleeping cot and baby slept much better next to me like that.

Things really did improve when I stopped trying to fight it and just accepted it. It is exhausting though. The other thing you can always try if you really can't just go with it is if you have a partner, get them to take baby out for a walk after a feed. The movement might help with getting them to sleep and if nothing else you get a moment to yourself.

Also look up the Priscilla Dunsten baby language interview on the Oprah show on YouTube.
It will help you recognise the different cries a baby makes and how significantly different things they mean!
it's absolutely fascinating & brilliant and changed my life.

I had this and a midwife taught me to feed "side by side" it was a lifesaver to get some rest. You won't really sleep properly but it's better than being sat upright and with the right pillows under your legs you might be able to have a nap

I fully feel your pain and you are not alone.

I am currently breastfeeding my 3rd baby, all been exclusively breastfed and I can tell you it is very very normal, it doesn't mean you don't have enough milk (though its hard to believe when they are pulling at you and screaming). All of mine have done this and they all piled the weight on.

My baby is nearly 4 weeks old and for the first 2 weeks she cluster fed from midnight til 5am. It nearly killed me. She's just finished a 2 hour cluster feed but I'm just grateful that its before bedtime not in the middle of the night.

The tips about being comfy, good telly, good snacks are great.

My babies also won't take a dummy. If there is someone else who can walk the baby round then that can give a reset. Equally a change of scene into the garden. But sometimes nothing will work and you just have to make it through.

This is the point where a lot of mums will stop their breastfeeding journey, but I promise if you can make it through this then it will get easier. But if you can't thats okay too. I am a massive advocate of breastfeeding because I believe in the benefits for mums (cheaper, eventually easier, etc) but equally you can't tell the difference between breastfed and formula fed when the kids are on the playground!

Both of mine did that during growth spurts. Feeding for hours and hours and crying hysterically if I took them off the breast for a nappy change or while I went to the loo. I remember a friend joking that her baby only fed twice a day - for 12 hours in the morning and 12 hours at night! My experience was they would feed at that intensity for a day or so and then back into more spaced out feeds. As they got older, the period of time between the crazy feeding days got bigger, from days to weeks to months.

Thank you all so so much for your supportive words. It’s so nice not know I’m not going mad - this does happen, and hopefully will
pass.

I will check and speak to midwife about checking for tongue tie. I don’t think she has one though.

My partner is away for work, so I’m having to single parent. When he was here last week he could calm her with some skin to skin sleeping on his chest. But when I try that she just attacks me for milk.

I have been sitting uncomfortably in a dark room waiting for her to sleep. I’m gonna try surrendering to the process tomorrow and just getting myself comfortable as everyone has suggested. I will also express just to see how much she’s drinking.

I don’t know why cluster feeding is essential, she’s a chubby baby as is, and my supply is perfectly fine. My other daughter used to
cluster feed but for a max of 1h-1.5. It’s 11:25 and she’s finally sleeping - we started this process at 7:30pm. I’m so tired I could faint.

Yes many many years back but he was throwing it up too, I was literally feeding DS 24 hours a day. The same problem occurred when I swapped to bottle. Eventually many years later he was diagnosed with SN and oral dyspraxia. He never had the mouth suck so was never going to be able to suck enough either to satiate his hunger or the stimulate my supply.

Doctors at the time told me it was because I swapped to formula and breastfeeding coaches told me to persevere it was fine and perfectly normal. Neither of which turned out to be correct.

So just another reason not to feel bad if you do decide to switch to formula.

Please don't judge how much she's drinking my how much you can express. I could never express more than a mouthful, my boobs would not cooperate, but my baby was getting plenty.

Cluster feeding is ti up your supply - your supply is completely adequate for her size right now but she is growing and will therefore need more milk in the future. This is her way of making sure your boobs are ready. Just like bottle fed babies don’t stay on 1oz feeds, they go up as they get older and bigger.

Also, there’s no need to express to check she’s getting enough. Expressing is never illustrative of how much milk you have - baby can always get more milk out than a pump can.

If she’s pooing, weeing and gaining weight and otherwise settled between feeds (outside of cluster feeding hell) then she’s getting enough :)

Get rid of all your pillows and bedclothes and take her to bed. Delatch, then relatch in a sidelying position and get some sleep. You absolutely won’t hurt her feeding this way as breastfeeding mums have an instinct not to roll onto their babies.
And call NCT’s or La Leche League’s breastfeeding support line as soon as you can - they can give you more practical face to face support.

@user1490285009

watch this clip. it's like magic.
I only discovered it with my DD and so wished I had known about it with my older boys. she was a very windy baby so she wouldn't be able to sleep until she had a proper burp (which could take anything between 30-50 mins) but once she did her cries changed and I knew she was ready to sleep.
as if by magic!!!

baby language is a term Priscilla uses, but she explains that each sound is a vocal reflex to what's going on - the easiest sound to understand is the grunting one they make when they need to squeeze one out, because most people make those sounds through their life!

please please watch the video asap and then a few times then observe your babies sounds. it's amazing stuff

oops, that one seems to be heavily edited.
sorry.
let me find a better one

I experienced the same at this point. I remember dramatically screaming ‘Nooooo’ when dd wanted feeding 20 minutes after a 3 hour feed. It is overwhelming. But it will settle down in a few weeks.

right, here we are.
this is the one

Definitely get settled in front of the TV and ride it out for a while, cluster feeding is normal and I watched a lot of box sets. When partner is home make sure you get plenty of rest in the day too.

Mine was like this and looking back I think sometimes I was nursing her while she was sleeping. They can still suck while they're asleep!
I know the midwives say they should come off naturally but if her weight is ok then you can take her off after 20 mins each side.

This is obvs not sustainable and you need to put yourself first as much as you can.
Possibilities are:

• tongue tie- not getting as much milk as you think she is. This was an issue with mine, although she was still a marathon nurser afterwards. If this is the case, you will know because she won't be gaining weight.
• reflux/ colic- this is what I think it sounds like. Sometimes if their stomach is acidy, they nurse and nurse to sooth themselves. If this is the case she must be crying a lot and the cluster feeding will happen throughout the day.
• normal cluster feeding- if it happens in the evenings or a similar time each day.

You're so early in. It gets easier and easier as baby gets more predictable. 2 weeks in you really are in survival mode. In your position I would probably just go with it for another couple of weeks, then try introducing a pumped bottle each day. Also I would definitely go to a breastfeeding support cafe! Look up your local nct on Facebook, they will be running one on zoom and you don't have to be a member.

Mine did this too OP, for up to 10 hours. It was horrendous, and I ended up frequently in tears too. The midwife and paediatrician said the same - completely normal, cluster feeding, building supply, suckling for comfort, thirsty because of the heat, catching up because she's small and her parents are both tall... everything that PPs have already said! It really is soul destroying though. My DD is now 10 weeks and slowly getting better. We supplemented with a bottle at first, more to give me a break than anything else, but tbh in didn't make a huge difference. I think the main reason in our case was comfort - she hates being put down and is only now starting to sit in a rocker for a bit. Hopefully it'll pass soon for both of us!

Ours used to feed from about 5pm until 10/11. He might of had the odd 20 minute break here and there but that was all.

It’s completely normal and just baby building up your supply ready for a growth spurt.

No tongue tie or reflux here that is just what he wanted to do. We didn’t use a dummy as having baby on the breast is important for building the supply

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba
Thanks for the link. She was definitely making the eair sound last night. And what I thought was an aaaa but is similar to the oweh ( sleepy cry).

I suspect there’s more to baby situ than simple cluster feeding. This morning baby woke up at 7am, it’s now 10:40am and she’s still awake. I’ve fed her several times in that period. But she’s not falling asleep. She’s not burping, and neither is she able to calmly sit between feeds - rather she’s crying hysterically if I put her down in her cot or recliner chair. The only position that seems to pacify her is putting her over my knee. I’m amazed she’s not uncomfortable. She’s still not sleeping but at least she’s not crying and screaming at me. There’s something specific about being curled over my leg, because putting her down on her tummy on a flat surface doesn’t calm her down.

I made a call to the health visitor if they might be able to shed some light, but they said they’ll tomorrow. I’m dreading the next 24h.

@user1490285009

you'll recognise the sounds quicker the more you observe.
sometimes there can actually be two overlapping sounds (tired & uncomfortable or hungry & windy etc), so if you are unsure just go with what you think is a stronger sound or what's more "urgent" if that makes sense.
so if windy & sleepy burp first, then put to bed. you might even hear how the cry changes!

Remember this stage well! Think the longest my DD cluster fed was 5 hours straight. Feeding whilst side lying saved my sanity. Lots of boxsets, takeaways, snacks. Fortunately, this period is short-lived. If you can hear her swallowing, i would say this is completely normal. It's an absolute drain though, especially if you're by yourself, lots of sympathy here!

In the first few weeks of my DDs life, I watched 10 seasons of a naff drama on Netflix. Get snacks, convenience food, and a sling for if you really need to get stuff done and roll with it. It can feel so relentless and it must be so hard to have your partner away in the early days when you need as much looking after as the baby does.

Have you tried a sling, she might be happier curled up a bit?