OCD/Intrusive Thoughts

[KateEC91]

Hi, I am 10 months pp and have been struggling with anxiety and OCD.
I am managing to cope mostly with CBT, but have become utterly stuck when it comes to anxiety surrounding my partner.
For clarity, he was my absolute best friend until OCD struck. Now I find myself constantly questioning my love for him, our compatibility, his attractiveness etc.
I cannot explain how bizarre and nasty all of this is. I haven’t ever questioned us before. I had no need- he was perfect. Kind, caring, interesting, intelligent, funny and friendly. He is a great listener, very understanding and I have always found him to be very attractive.
Now, my mind constantly thinks things such as... ‘He isn’t tall enough... his hands are small... his voice can be annoying’..... cruel, nasty, completely insignificant things which make me feel absolutely terrible, but for some reason they wont go.
I feel so upset and unhappy because these thoughts have completely changed my relationship. I find myself avoiding him, I no longer like the idea of getting engaged and the thought of moving house feels like I’m further entangling myself in this relationship which no longer feels the same.
Please, please.... has anyone been here???

@KateEC91 I can see this thread has been fairly active! I just wanted to say that I suffer with this too. I had it when me & my partner first got together & I would constantly get upset but didn’t want to leave either. I had private CBT and it helped as did mindfulness & upping exercise. It has flared up this last year due to COVID and lockdown but overall it is easier and I had a spell of two years where the thoughts were barely there at all. I am an anxious person though & it will flit to my health etc if I’m not focusing on my relationship. Just wanted to say that I totally get it & it’s a confusing form of ocd. I did some work with my therapist & came to the realisation that my childhood & my parents relationship plays a big part too.

Hi everyone,

I realize this thread is from many months ago, but I just wanted to hop on and connect with any of you who are going through this or have been through this. I'm newly pregnant, and since going off birth control about 10 months ago, have had tremendous OCD and anxiety. I use to suffer from this about 3-4 years ago, but with the help of therapy and a low does SSRI it passed. However, the SSRI hasn't been enough for me this time, and I am really struggling again. I have some ROCD, and now it's also about whether I will feel love for my child, bond with them, or will they suffer because of how I am feeling forever. Any support would be so appreciated. :)

Hello! This is my first ever post on mums net so forgive me if I’m doing this all wrong.

Coming at this from a slightly different perspective.. my fiancé m/30 (together for 3 years) has had ROCD since August which just so happened to be the 1 year countdown to our wedding. It’s got progressively worse. He is completely open and honest with me about these feelings that others have described above but it leaves me feeling so confused and not sure how to manage it. I just wondered how those who suffer from ROCD would feel is the best way for their partner to support them? Also, is there any advice I can give him to help manage the constant thoughts that enter his mind?

I want to be with him and we’ve never had any issues since this all came about. I just want my fiancé back to being a happy man again.
Thank you so much in advance xx

Hi Caldicothelp!
You sound like a lovely partner and I'm so sorry to hear that your fiancé is struggling. I would recommend resources such as The mindfulness workbook for OCD, Sheryl Paul's work, awakenintolove's work on instagram, and OCD stories podcasts which include so many recovery stories. Overall your partner would likely benefit from CBT/ERP and maybe medication. It's a tough experience but worth it to overcome, as your healthy relationship lies on the other side! Essentially you want your partner to be able to share whether he feels anxious, but ideally not confess his thought content as its likely reinforcing the OCD cycle. The mindfulness workbook helps identify other compulsions that he cant gently reduce. You can also listen to the podcast "purely ocd" on the ROCD episode to gain a better understanding for you both. Good luck!

@learningtobeamumwithocd thank you so much for your reply! It was a shoot in the dark sending this message so I am most grateful for your advice.

He recently started Setraline/Zoloft. It’s been about 3 weeks and there was an initial easing of his constant doubts but it seems to be worse than ever again this week. To the point where he just feels the only way out is to end the relationship even though he says he doesn’t want that ultimately. Do you have any experience of Setraline/Zoloft and would it actually help with these thoughts eventually?

We signed up to Sheryl Paul’s course last night so I am hoping he will get cracking with that when he is ready. I am just scared this whole ROCD is going to tear us apart as he can’t differentiate between his ROCD doubts and what is reality. With the added bonus that Setraline is “numbing” him. Oh god what a whirlwind!

Hi @KateEC91 Did this get any better? I have the same intrusive thoughts as soon as I fell pregnant that led to an abortion. Now head over heels in love with my partner again but worried if I fall pregnant the same thing will happen again and I'll feel trapped. Please help!

@sallysophie this is a very old thread. I would recommend starting your own to get more support

Hi @sallysophie - I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been.
My little boy is now almost 4. Things are definitely better. I basically just stopped engaging with the thoughts which took away their ‘power’. I had a great CBT therapist via Talking Therapies (you can self refer and its a free service on the nhs) who was one of the best people I’d ever met. By the time I met her I was worried that I didn’t love my son enough (I did of course, but… OCD) and on our last session I was hysterically crying saying goodbye to her. She had enabled me to feel pure, uncomplicated love for my son without ocd getting in the way. How do you even begin to thank someone for that?
In all honesty OCD ended up getting a lot worse for me in other areas which sort of dwarfed the ROCD I was experiencing. I ignored it and it went I suppose, but that’s not to say it doesn’t linger in the background and come to a head if my partner and I have bickered, or in moments of feeling really happy it’s there with… ‘but could you be happier??? With someone else??’.
After months and months of googling, the general consensus is that ROCD tends to only effect the really really strong, healthy relationships. Genuinely. It tends to hurt those most who truly love their partners and would never want to leave them. It’s more common in perfectionists and the best way to release yourself from it is to simply not engage and not try to fight it. Accept that it’s there, but also try to accept that it’s just your brain creating fantasy to see how you react.
Sending hugs, it was a truly awful time in my life xxx