4 days PP and despairing - please help me

[pomadas87]

I gave birth to a beautiful DD on Friday - very overdue, was induced, long labour ending in forceps with episiotomy and extended tear due to DD's size (had no idea beforehand).
I found everything very traumatic and can only liken these feelings to be being involved in a horrible car accident. I feel really stunned and in the most horrible pain.

We've been at home a few days and my wound is healing apparently but the pain is completely unbearable and to much for me - the prescribed pain killers aren't touching it. I can't sit down at all, only lie on my left side. So all feeding DD is done in bed and I eat my meals standing up.

I just don't know how this will ever get better. The midwife checked the wound today and said it's healing but it's severe and will take quite a while. She said to avoid walking and lie down as much as possible.

I feel I'm missing out bonding with my daughter and I'm becoming despairing and depressed and I hate everything about this at the moment.

Does anyone have any postpartum care advice or similar experiences? I can manage a tea tree oil bath daily but it provides short relief from the pain tbh.

Please tell me things will get better.

This sounds like my first birth. I echo what those above say; day four is a killer for emotions alone even after a tough birth.

Take this time to recover and relax, try to feed, sleep and cuddle baby and let your husband help out for this period that he's around. Your body has been though a lot and needs to recover.

A few things that helped me were:

A valley cushion as mentioned above really way a life saver. They're not that easy to come by.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B0082ARH2O/ref=mpssa114aa_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1512510611&sr=8-4&keywords=valley+cushion&dpPl=1&dpID=31EZnwS0oAL&ref=plSrch
I had this sort at home and an inflatable one for in the car once I could manage to get in.

Tea tree oil on maternity pads (i layered up two for more cushioning) and put in the fridge really did provide some relief (and wasn't sting-y as it might sound).

It may well be that your stitches are ok, I had stitches with my second baby too but the birth was very fast, much easier and I had no intervention which led me to conclude that some of the pain from the first time around was due to the forceps trauma rather than the stitches themselves.

I would say by day ten-twelve things started to feel significantly better so I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel.

You have my deepest sympathy... I had a very similar labour to yours and the pain afterwards was utterly unbearable. I had to sit on a rubber ring, but kept making it worse when the baby cried in the night and I reached to get her out of the Moses basket. When it got to the stage I couldn't walk or sit I went back to the hospital. They gave me antibiotics and some extremely potent pain killers, and the pain vanished almost entirely after a couple of days. Apparently I had an infection and it was causing the intense pain on top of the bruising and stitches. My advice would be to get checked out. You don't need to suffer like that.

Sincerely thank you for all your comments. I am awake now crying with pain and I feel so low.

I hate that I can't even move DD further up the bed to feed in a better position without extreme pain/help from DH. I dread her finishing one breast as I know I have to roll over to the other side and DH moves her over.

DH wants me to call the midwife or GP in the morning but if they won't give stronger pain killers, is there much point? The thought of leaving the house terrifies me.

Thank you for the cushion recommendations I will at this asap

OP I was in same position as you- induced, forceps, 3rd degree tear, it’s bloody awful! But I can tell you from the other side it does get better - currently 34 weeks with my second DS!! My advice to you - take your painkillers regularly, and move about little and often. Do your pelvic floor exercises like your life depends on it and be easy on yourself. Life with a newborn is brutal enough as it is without all this trauma thrown into the mix! I cried for what seemed like forever, but physically my recovery made a turning point at about 2 weeks, and then emotionally at about 9 weeks. Use Water wipes instead of loo roll too! Each day at a time OP, I know it feels like you’re not bonding but there is a little good in everyday and you will soon be feeling much much better xxxxxxxxxx

OP could you try chilling your pads in the fridge for a bit as well? Or any type of cold/warm compression with a flannel? Just to help ease swelling a bit. Also I don’t think I did any feeds lying down for a fair while so wasn’t rolling around in bed - have you got a comfy chair / cushions in bed to sit against for feeds? I know it’s exhausting but it helped me avoid the pain xxxx

Hi OP
Sorry not read all the replies but please get a second opinion about the pain. I had similar birth injury to you, and was released from hospital in incredible pain. I had a nightmare journey home in the car felt terrible and experienced similar issues to you in not being able to sit or do anything really without being in agony. I had 4 different medical profs examine my cut and tell me it was 'healing nicely' but the pain was even worse than the traumatic labour. Eventually after nearly passing out I was readmitted back to hospital two days later after a 5th medic (dr) examined me and said I had a bad infection. My daughter and I had to go onto a ward and I was given intravenous antibiotics. Apparently 'my body hid infection well' as I didn't have a temperature?! I mean to me it was obvious I had so much swelling you could see my butt cheek from looking at me face on.

The whole thing made the trauma of the birth worse and I felt I couldn't bond with my daughter. I was also unable to establish breast feeding as I was in so much pain I couldn't hold her properly. I was so upset as I felt no one was listening to me re pain and I was fobbed off.

As soon as I got the antibiotics things started to improve and the morphine etc started to actually have an effect. I was released after another few days but was distraught. My HV felt I had PTSD from the birth and what happened after. Within a few weeks I started to feel better and now at 5 weeks coping much better. I'm starting to enjoy my daughter but it wasn't instant and I think that's quite normal for some people, especially if you've had the trauma you've had.

I felt I had delayed baby blues because initially I was just trying to get through every day in pain.

Sorry for the long post but I just wanted to highlight you could have an infection so please don't be fobbed off. Having to leave my husband and go back to hospital with our baby was horrible - I wouldn't want anyone else to go through that.

P.s I will be getting my notes revised by PALS when I have the mental strength as I was left to push for 6 hours (!) and don't think they was right... if there is anything you weren't happy about you can ask for a review of your notes which will explain why decisions were made etc which may help you process it.

You will feel better v soon and congratulations on your baby.

Sorry another thing that helped was really thick maternity pads - using 2 at a time to provide some relief.

Not sure if you've been to the loo yet but that in itself felt like a trauma too - almost the same sensation of giving birth. I used the tip of holding a pad against the stitches - it allows you to feel as though everything will stay in place.

Thanks again everyone.
I managed to get an emergency GP appointment this morning - the 10 car journey was agony! - and just stood and wept on the lovely GP.

She was really comforting and said I need to give it time - there's no infection but awful bruising and the wound is big. I've been given stronger painkillers too, including more dihydrocodeine.

I will also keep trying the other methods such as extra pads and salt baths mentioned in the thread. I have to say this is the worst physical pain I've ever had and it seems hard to see a way out

I felt the same way op. Definitely worse recovery wise than my c section. But I promise it does get better. Hang in there xx

after my third degree tear the one thing that relieved the discomfort was frozen sanitary pads... I had two pairs of pants and put the pad inbetween. I definitely ruined a lot of pants though.... but my swollen nethers were so glad for it! Actually now at 16 weeks pp I still have a rogue pad in the freezer....

I too had an episiotomy and forceps. My stitches came out after 4 days and I had an infection. They didn't restitch so was left to heal naturally. I know the feeling of either standing or laying down (I didn't sit for 12 weeks!) you are still very early in your healing process and it does take for what feels like forever but it does get better. I am now 7 months pp and I am pretty back to normal ( apart from application of silver nitrate yesterday on my scar!) my advice would be to rest as much as possible and go to the loo in the shower. Although it sounds horrible it was the only way that I knew it was clean and it also stops the stinging! Please feel free to ask anything else. You will probably be fed up of hearing just give it time, but time really is a healer. I once thought I was never going to heal.

Glad you saw your doctor OP. It will get better. Try to take it a day at a time rather than looking down a long tunnel. One day soon you'll wake up to find things are a little easier and it'll just get better and better.

I could have written your post 5 months ago. Induction, forceps, episiotomy and tear. I felt dreadful and I was in agony. I really felt I was letting my baby down because all I could do was lie on my side all day having her passed to me to feed. The only thing that helped my pain was tramadol. I do have allergies to some pain killers so I was prescribed this and it made it bearable. Just!

It will get better. By week 3 I went away for the weekend and was walking around ok (though sitting wasn't much fun). Just make sure someone checks your stitches. No one looked at mine and they had let go so I'm looking at needing repair work in the future. 5 months later, though it's a mess down there, it's not at all painful and it's true what they say, in time you'll forget the pain.

Don't put any pressure on yourself to be up and about or doing things. It will get better and when it starts to improve it does so quickly.

I know everyone has said this already, and it's probably not much comfort right now. But it honestly gets better and you will feel normal again! I had tearing too after a suction delivery and was also in horrendous pain, couldn't feed without dp and I felt like I would be like that forever. It took about 5 weeks for me to feel pre baby. But 99% of the pain had gone by about 3 weeks.

Until then, I am 100% for the pillow recommendations, helped me so much!

Hope you'be had a better day today.
I promise it's completely normal to wonder what the hell you have got yourself into, even with an easier birth. It will get much much better and you will feel like yourself again very soon.

You might already know but if you are on codeine use lactulose or something. Loads of water, tinned pears, dried apricots etc etc
I was on 60mg dihydrocodeine 4 times daily and the constipation was ridiculous
Start acting on it now so you don't end up with that too! I was a bit meh, I'm never constipated and boy did I know about it

Ollivander84 thanks, yes sensible advice - I have lactulose but GP upped the dosage as pain killers are v strong and need to avoid constipation. DH helping keep diet full of fruit and veg etc too.

I'm feeling less despairing but still in as much pain ... my mum is visiting now for a few days and the relief at seeing her face was an almost physical reaction and i am so glad she is here now

@pomadas87 hope your mum is looking after you and things are settling a bit for you

I felt exactly the same as you described. The first two weeks were horrendous but it did begin to get better after 10 days. I'm at 4 Weeks now and still struggling but it gets better with each week. Everyone keeps saying 6 weeks is when things really improve so I'm trying to hold on and stay positive until then.

Just know you're not alone and what you're feeling is completely normal after what you've been through.