September 14 babies - bring on the weaning!

[KitKat1985]

New thread for the Sept 14 babies. :)

Apples thanks for sharing your experiences of stopping bf. Glad it seems to be going okay so far. I've always fed on demand so don't have an actual feed to drop per se, hence why I've decided to do it by time. Hoping eventually as she gets more into solids we can start to have some sort of feeding routine as well. However she seems disinterested in solids at the mo so the next few weeks are going to take a lot of persistence! x

KitKat It's weird, I always feed on demand, but dd has properly set her own routine, so demands every 3 hours during the day. You can also set your watch by her naps - 40 minutes and no more! I'm sure Jessica will get more into solids and less interested in the boob, it's just a matter of time, but I feel your pain as I know the feeling of being desperate to stop!

Oh dear. This evening didn't go well. Fed Jessica at 4.30-50pm in preparation for my boobs being 'off limits' between 5-8pm, and, as is typical for her at that time of day, she fell asleep. However she got woken up from her nap prematurely and was in a complete grump from the moment she woke up and for the whole rest of the evening. Whereas I think there was definitely an element of overtiredness in there, I think my boob refusal added to it and by 7.30pm she had been screaming and crying so much that she had me in tears too. Put her to bed 10 mins earlier than usual as just couldn't take any more. She had some formula milk from her cup during that time but only about an oz. Oddly she didn't take much more milk than usual at bedtime (in fact, she took less) so maybe it was more an overtired thing than a hunger thing but at the time I couldn't shake the fear that she was crying because she was hungry and I was starving her. Anyway she fell to sleep still sobbing. I feel like the worst Mum in the world right now. To add to matters, DH was moping around (because of his ear infection - now diagnosed after emergency Drs trip earlier) and not helping much and had spent most of the day in bed, and I lost my temper with him and told him I was fed up of him wallowing in self-pity which he has been doing most of this year so far since his operation, and that actually I feel like shit a lot of the time too given that I haven't slept properly in months etc but that I don't get the 'luxury' of just taking to bed every time I feel a bit shit because I HAVE to still get up to look after Jessica. To be fair I only said what I'd been perhaps bottling up for a while, but that wasn't the best time or perhaps most diplomatic choice of words, when I know he is pain and feels awful. Sorry for the rant. Just feel like a shit wife and mother right now.

Kitkat, why are you apologising for not being diplomatic? Is your husband considering how you feel at all? Or does he always just let you take all the responsibility and burden just because you are the woman? Had you had similar problems to him, would you have sat back and let him do it all, or would you have got on and worked through it as best you could? If its the later...

Sorry you're feeling bad KitKat. There is no need to though, you've not anything wrong. From what you've said about your DH I think you were within your rights to say what you did. If you got an ear infection now you wouldn't take to your bed regardless of how shit you felt. Parenting doesn't stop just because you don't feel well. You've been a lot nicer than I would have been in your situation! You do acknowledge his feeling unwell and take that into account, and have spent lots of time caring for him after his operation.

With the feeding - have you considered starting your boobs off limit time from the morning for a bit (after first feed) then getting later and later rather than from the evening backwards. Babies seem to have a reputation for being most cranky in the evenings! Not sure if you think that could work for you?

BTW kitkat DS is sort of going the other way at the moment with bottles to boob.

He wants boob most just before bed and during the night.
He is currently best with bottles between 10am and 5pm. Before then, he still tends to be sleepy and after then he tends to start getting grumpy and must more fussy.

I was starting with weaning in the evening, but I think he's much happier earlier in the day so I've switched to the middle of the day when he's just generally happier.

I have decided I HATE weaning.

I didn't call doctors but I hope I am not making a mistake; it is so difficult with babies- not knowing how bad it is; your posts warned me in the morning, specially Acron's; but he does not have a temperature; he has a tap of running water instead of nose and coughing and sneezing too during the day, so not too bad; but he gets worse at nights waking every 2 hours with blocked nose and a bit of temp. And noisy breathing... It is now 7 days so hoping it should go soon ?

Red I quite liked the link, thanks. Just don't know how to get the message through to ds that he has done enough now and there won't be another one any time soon, if ever, so he can stop now!! What don't you like about weaning?

Kitkat don't feel bad; I have those episodes of feeling bad (mum and wife) and start arguing with dh; I totally understand you; and to be honest I think sometimes we need to let every thing come out, last thing you want is to be political about your feelings with your dh when you are having a though time...

Thanks all for sharing your thoughts about childminders, we have two other settling down sessions but I have decided to take my time and if he did not settle happily don't force him to it... I will then start considering other options...

Work is not going well :( many of the projects I was working on were left alone and in a bit of mess. One of my team members is having a weird reaction to me going back to work, refusing to report to me ( he was reporting to me and I to our director, he has been reporting to our director in my absence) also weird that he has taken over all my client base (which is what I wanted him to do before I go) but now boast and say things like "my clients such and I raised this much" etc. Not necessary.

I absolutely hate having to be political at work when I have massive problems on two other fronts, my home/baby and my actual projects! Last thing I want, is to deal with is somebody trying to steal my role, because I went to ML; and I can't even fight back properly as I am only working part time most of the time from home; and have a very unsettling child. Baby thing was so much more difficult than I thought

Nazly - I should have said, it wasn't the wheezing that alarmed me when DS was ill, but that he was breathing fast and clearly using a lot of effort to breathe (skin sucking in around ribs). We have another cold just now, feels like it's one straight after another.

My DC2 had bronchiolitis, much younger though, he was 4 weeks old. Had 10 days in hospital as a result.

The main symptom that got a GP referral to hospital was that he presented showing a lot of effort to breath, the skin sucking in around the ribs was specifically pointed out to me. Just as Acorn mentioned. So watch his chest without clothes on Nazly

I took him to doctor this morning, just called them and after asking a couple of questions they said just bring him in to make sure. He was all clear from infection, just a cold.

In other news tried formula in cup this morning after a few days, he tasted and then was having none of it! Then dh tried expressed milk in bottle this evening, he was having none of it and would cry just to be offered!!!

I think I am in trouble!! I never thought not using bottle for 2 weeks will make such a difference .

Are all babies difficult or is mine particularly difficult?

Hi Nazly. Glad to hear nothing serious wrong with your DS. Sorry to hear about all your work troubles though - must be very stressful for you. We made the same mistake with bottles - gave up giving expressed milk from a bottle for a while after DH's operation as couldn't go out anyway so didn't see the point, (with the exception of a bottle of formula at night), and since then she's never taken a bottle in the day again. I think she associates bottles with bedtime now. That's why I've decided to focus on giving milk from a cup instead, as I didn't see the point in fighting to give her a bottle and then a cup in a few months time, when we could just go straight to the cup 'fight'. Made some progress this evening though. Managed to get about 3oz into her this evening from a cup, which is an improvement on 1oz yesterday. She wasn't quite as grizzly this evening either. Everything I've read just says to keep persisting but it's bloody hard so hoping it gets easier soon. Also Jessica has only let me give her milk from a cup this evening and not DH at all, which is rather against the point as I'm doing this to get some independence and freedom back so don't want her to only take milk from me! I'm hoping though in a few weeks time she'll be able to lift the cup on her own (at the moment she holds one handle and I help her lift the cup with the other one, but she likes to be in control of holding it).

Struggling today and been quite tearful. At one point this afternoon I went to the dentist and told DH he would have to just take care of Jessica for a little bit as I couldn't be in dentist chair and look after her at same time, and it was so nice to be on my own for 40 minutes that I actually cried in the car on the way home as I didn't want to go back and just wanted to run away. It's pathetic isn't it. I feel so guilty for feeling like this sometimes when she's such a beautiful and funny baby. I'm hoping it's just my hormones all over the place.

Gosh KitKat, I am so sorry you felt like that.

It is definitely not pathetic and you have no reason to feel guilty. Have you thought about talking to your GP about PND? Or even just making sure your DH fully understands how you are feeling.

I remember a time when DC1 was a non-sleeping, bottle refusing 7 month old, I was 3 months pregnant with DC2 and had just returned to full time teaching. I used to drive to work and pass one of those crash hot-spots which had loads of signs up stating how dangerous the junction was.

I used to drive this junction daily and would fantasise about how great it would be if I could have a car accident. Not something to harm baby, but break both legs or similar so that I had to spend some time in hospital on traction. Having no responsibilities, no baby to have to look after and being waited upon. This was my idea of heaven at the time.

It never occurred to me it was signs of depression. I mentioned to to my DH in a conversational way, rather than in a serious way. He had no idea I felt that exhausted and the talk with him marked the change where he stepped up to help much more.

So talk to your DH about how you are feeling.

Fate I can't believe you just said that!! Did you have a 7m old and was 3m pregnant and were in full time work at the same time???!!!!!?????!! How is that even possible!! You superwomen, put me into shame for moaning all the time!!!

Kitkat I can understand that... You just need more rest and more time to yourself; believe me, if you had, say, 2 hours more sleep overnight, and you were out for say 3 hours, you would have loved to go back to your baby already missing her! So what you are saying is just natural. Have you had a break visiting a friend with your baby? Could you perhaps arrange to go for a short break with a friend? Sometimes having another pair or hands make such a difference....

On the subject of milk: that's interesting. What cup are you using? Doesn't she get trapper wind drinking from cup?

Poor you Kitkat. I can really empathise. I had a down day today and felt guilty for my thoughts too! Ok this is a bit of a self pitying rant so I apologise... I met up with two friends from baby groups today and J was grumpy and screamy as hell. She is always like this when I have these play dates. Meanwhile their babies are happily playing on the floor, rolling (even starting to crawl!) while their mums drink tea and eat using both hands. J refuses to be put down at all and is most definitely not rolling despite being older than both of the babies. Their babies will nap too without needing the car or pram and both use dummies. I know you're not supposed to compare as babies are all different but it doesn't half make me feel like a crap mother sometimes. I have seen their babies cry maybe once but that's all. DH says J is probably just a bit more needy and clingy as she's bf whereas their babies are ff. Then I just feel guilty for feeling fed up with J because she's just being a baby obviously. I do these social things because I think I'd be worse off just stuck in the house but i'm fed up of going to them in a sleep deprived haze and having to deal with an unhappy baby as well.

Ok finished my rant now. As you were!

Oh top I really sympathise with that.... Totally. We have similar babies it seems; I wish we were going to play groups together.

Just wanted to quickly post a question here when I saw your post- interesting timing

Do you ladies think breastfed babies are going to have more problems settling down for any other caregiver than bottle fed ones? (Aaaaaaagh)

I'm sure there's ff babies who are clingy too but it makes sense that a bf baby who has been physically attached to you a lot of its life might find it harder to be apart from you and find comfort without mummy's nipple. I think ff babies will have meltdowns without their mummy's comfort too though. It's not easy is it :/

Did you have a 7m old and was 3m pregnant and were in full time work at the same time?

Everything is easy compared to my first three years being a Mother. We planned two children close in age but goodness was it hard, hard work. I worked full time for 5 months between the two maternity leaves.

I to don't know how I managed it

I have seen their babies cry maybe once

Take solace from the fact they are probably screamers at home [devil face]

DD Has suddenly moved from shorter 45 minute sleeps to 90+ minutes proper sleeps in the morning and lunchtime. So as a result I've moved her morning and lunchtime naps from the bouncy chair into the cot upstairs. This means I morning baby groups are out the window until she's about 12 months and drops the morning nap.

Kitkat I constantly want to run away. I had to go back to university 4 days after R was born, so had to bring him in with me; to lectures, tutorials and everything, and then because I was adamant that I wanted to bf, I was doing all the night feeds and he was feeding ALL THE TIME. I don't think I spent a minute without him till he was about 3mo and it wore me down so much and I cried for feeling like it; why did I resent my dp for being able to get away and go to work, when he was always so excited to come back and see ds. It's better now, he's in nursery whilst I'm at university, but I now have the guilt of foisting him off on to other people, and so I think you can't win.

Definitely talk to your DP, I'm not saying that this isn't normal, but just saying out loud that you're struggling helps and isn't a bad thing

topmammy turn it on its head.

When you see your friends, they look at you with jealously because your 'clingy' daughter seems to love and need you more than theirs needs them. They feel less close to them and worry they aren't bonded as well as you are.

Their babies are rolling and starting to crawl and this is terrifying as they haven't got everything nailed down. Their babyhood seems to be going quicker and they wish they had more time to enjoy it.

I could go on.

My point is the grass is often greener, we don't see the whole picture and things you think are 'better' or 'worse' may appear very differently to someone else.

Went to get DD when she woke at 11am today. She had managed to:

(1) Undo her swaddle.
(2) Untuck the tightly tucked in blanket.
(3) Get herself to the middle of our bed, not in the bedside cot where she went to sleep

I really don't want to put the side on the cot until I have no settling to do at night. I think it might be becoming inevitable though.

Sounds like many of you are having a tough time. Sorry to hear that...things do get better. When I look back on the twins baby days, I literally didn't enjoy them atall. I remember wishing their lives away because I couldn't wait for them to be older.

J had beem far more enjoyable...although mainly because I expected the worst. I always assumed from the past experience of the twins that I wasn't "a baby person"..now I think I'm not a "newborn twins person" . I've also got the advantage of being a relaxed third time round parent, and a massive age gap between children.

However, at the moment I am so bloody tired. J wakes several times a night and is easy to settle..but I'm just so knackered with the interrupted sleep. I was on autopilot for a few months and the tiredness didn't hit me until recently. We had a week of hourly waking a few weeks ago and I don't think I've ever recovered.

I still can't get mine to take a cup or a bottle. We had some success with a doidy cup but probably because you can kind of pour it in! I do think he would be less attached if he wasn't bf, in that when he gets overtired and hysterical a boob is the only thing that will calm him. If he took a bottle I imagine that would have the same effect but could be given from someone else (he doesn't just want a cuddle).

I have one of those that's happy and smiley at baby groups and yet will be a total grump at home just 10 mins before! So it's just a reversal I suppose.

I'm not sure I'll ever be able to sleep a full night again after 6 months of not getting more than 3 hours in row on a good night and I find myself waking all the time even when DS is asleep. I don't even feel tired anymore, more just a constant fog. I wonder is babies can trigger proper insomnia!