Hi all - sorry for disappearing after my outburst on Friday morning. I was having a v frustrating time talking to a friend of mine who doesn't have kids and kept coming up with fatuous solutions like "have a nice cup of tea, you'll feel better" (I don't drink tea). But also the whole situation is just getting me down. I feel beaten down by life, to be honest. Ds is now in a joyous pattern of waking at 4:30; I am still co-sleeping with him so get no sleep after about 1 anyway, then after an hour of frantically trying to get him to sleep again at 4:30 I hand over to dh (I know I'm lucky that I get to do that) and get c. 2 hours sleep if I'm lucky / not too awake that it takes me an age to get back to sleep.
We are back to square one with dh, he sleeps all morning once ds has gone to his childminder, to make up for the early start. I'm worried the sleep clinic are going to take the machine back off us on Wednesday on the grounds that it's not improved the quality of his sleep enough to justify the expenditure, at which point we'll have to buy one of the cheaper models and hope that the implied risk of heart failure has been exaggerated ... (hmm, put like that, might just buy the expensive one, but we're talking 1500 quid).
Nothing else is going anywhere, you can read about it, should you wish to, here . It's hopeless.
Work is quite stressful too, as I've started on a new 'project' (well, assigned to new team, have no actual definition of work to be done) and am flailing about trying to work out what the hell's going on, made worse by knowing that prior to dh and ds I could do this standing on my head.
I'm also seeing a counsellor, so although this is technically beneficial we're in the early 'discovery' stages and I'm still reeling from her analysis a few weeks ago that, like dh, I have essentially given up on my life. I think that's true, and I wonder what the impact of that will be on ds long term
Finally (last paragrapn I promise) I have been invited to Stockholm for a reunion weekend with people I used to work with and it is insanely difficult to imagine how I can make the trip with dh and ds, but impossible to imagine going without them, or even taking ds but leaving dh, it just wouldn't be fair to them. (Damn this co-parenting lark!)
Bloody hell, that was a lot about me wasn't it? Anyway, apologies again. It often feels like work is the only thing I have any control over, and if one thing has to give (i.e. give up), it needs to be that. I still don't know what to do.
Right, to other subjects.
2Happy, the nappies are eco-dispies, let me know if you want to give them a try.
Jonah, hope we will see you chez Katz to help us eat the vast array of cakes she is promising to make! Yay for 12 weeks, great news.
MrsW, sorry to hear you've been poorly and I'll email you about getting together in the week. I think amyjade is leading the field in terms of the next 'Junie', she's about to drop at any moment! Megalo is having the first 'Junie-Junie' as she is due in June next year.
Lua - thanks for popping in to my other thread, I hope we might see you at Katz's?
Hope everyone's had a good weekend.